Country gangsta

[Guest guest]

Dixie Chicks To Kick Off 2006 Summer Rendering Tour

 

by Ed E. Druckman

Unconfirmed Sources

(Washington, D.C.)

 

Have the Dixie Chicks themselves been rendered by the

CIA or is it part of their unrepentant attitude toward

President Bush to play for CIA rendered prisoners? The

official word is that in a show of patriotic

compassion the band has joined forces with their old

adversary to entertain enemy combatants because

" Muslims like Country too. "

 

According to a statement issued by newly minted CIA

Chief, Michael Hayden, " The Dixie Chicks have not been

rendered because officially there is no such thing as

rendering. The U.S., being the Costco of world

compassion, asked the group to perform for certain

captives whose location, along with that of said

Chicks, cannot be revealed for the sake of national

security. " The statement went on to say that the band

offered to extend their tour " indefinitely and at

undisclosed locations out of a new found patriotism,

regardless of unfounded reports of either stun guns or

chloroform. "

 

Hayden said that this part of " the tour was just an

extension of the Taking the Long Way Tour. Call it

Taking The Really, Really, Really Long Way. "

 

And it was not due to Natalie Manes' statement that

she was embarrassed to be from the same state as

President Bush.

To prove his point, Hayden revealed a video clip of

Manes, flanked by her band mates. Hayden explained the

orange jumpsuits marked " Prisoner " the women were

wearing as a new musical direction, " country gangsta. "

On the video, Manes said, " I am not here against my

will. Being with these prisoners, I see that they are

poor misguided souls whom we love by keeping behind

bars. George Bush told us. George Bush is our leader.

We must listen to our leader. Praise Bush. " Manes then

fell face forward, as the remaining Chicks chanted,

" Praise Bush. "

 

President Bush is behind the Dixie Chicks, saying at a

White House Press Conference to address the Hadatha

Investigation, " I'm glad Natalie and the rest of the

Chicks have gone in a new musical direction. I love

that country gangsta stuff. And considering what's

been going on lately, I can truly say that I'm glad

they're somewhere out there. " When the question of

rendering came up, President Bush immediately told the

reporter who asked it, " This isn't Iraq. It's the

United States. Just ask The Dixie Chicks. Wait, you

can't. By the way, what's your name? "