Canada! *snicker*

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends:

 

Manitoba Herald, Winnipeg, Canada

 

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has

intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the

illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus

among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and

agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology

professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at

night.

" I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a

Hollywood producer huddled in the barn, " said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,

whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and

hungry. " He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When

I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my

screenplay, eh? "

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected

higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers

that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. " Not real effective, " he said. " The

liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give

milk. "

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near

the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the

border and leave them to fend for themselves.

" A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions, " an Ontario

border patrolman said. " I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.

" They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though. "

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often

wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been

circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in

which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of

crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips

to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young

vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began

stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como

and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. " If they can't

identify the accordion

player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age, " an

official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are

creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon

movies. " I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just

can't support them, " an Ottawa resident said. " How many art-history majors does

one country need? "

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and

Canada,Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged

that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to

Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might

put some endangered species on postage stamps.

The President is determined to reach out, " he said.

>> -----------

 

 

" To be nobody-but-myself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to

make me everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being

can fight, and never stop fighting. " -e.e. cummings-

 

 

 

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