NSA Snooping Plus

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NSA Publishes Tips

 

On Having More Exciting Phone Sex

 

By Lee Camp

 

WASHINGTON DC – After illegally listening in on hundreds of thousands of

phone calls in the U.S., Monday the National Security Agency published a

500-page document on how citizens can have more entertaining phone sex.

A spokesman for the NSA said, " We're sick and tired of listening to bad

phone sex. Ninety percent of the people we listen to could easily spice

up their conversations by following our easy tips, and more kinky verbal

sex benefits everyone involved – the man, the woman, and the five agents

listening in and recording the call. "

 

Here is just a small sample of the advice given in the NSA's document.

#1 – Never giggle or laugh! All parties need to take the sex seriously….

 

 

#7 – Never say " Did you hear that? " after you hear strange clicks or

buzzing. That's just us enjoying your call. Every time you stop, we get

frustrated, and you don't want to see us when we're frustrated.

 

 

#873 – Definitely do consider bringing in homoerotic fantasies. We have

agents of every sexual persuasive who will enjoy your calls.

 

 

#1,142 – Never yell " Oh God, I love it when you play dirty like the

National Security Agency! " We find that offensive.

 

 

#24,502 – If you hear us start to moan, don't get nervous. That means

you're doing a good job. You're a patriotic American. We may even send

you a medal.