Choosing Allopathic Health Care Provider

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CHOOSING YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN

 

CHOOSING YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN

 

INFORMATION YOU MAY NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT

HEALTH PLAN---Questions & Answers

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Q. What does HMO stand for?

 

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY

MOE. " Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe

of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient

could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if

he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

 

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to

choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your

parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book

listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors

basically fall into two categories -- those who are no

longer accepting new patients, and those who will see

you but are no longer participating in the plan. But

don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the

plan and accepting new patients has an office just a

half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third

World Country.

 

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require

pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

 

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any

treatment.

 

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of

medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

 

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I

need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication,

but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

 

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

 

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor

insists he can handle my problem. Can a general

practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in

his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking

is the $15 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a

shot at it.

I hope this helps.