OT: God Bless the Irish

[Guest guest]

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next

when his telephone rang.

 

" Hallo, Mr. Hussein! " , a heavily accented voice said. " This is Paddy

down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform

you that we are officially declaring war on you! "

 

" Well, Paddy, " Saddam replied, " This is indeed important news! How big

is your army? "

 

" Right now, " said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, " there is myself,

my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team

from the pub. That makes eight! "

 

Saddam paused. " I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in

my army waiting to move on my command. "

 

" Begorra! " , said Paddy. " I'll have to ring you back! "

 

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. " Mr. Hussein, the war is

still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! "

 

" And what equipment would that be, Paddy? " Saddam asked.

 

" Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor. "

 

Saddam sighed. " I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and

14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to

1-1/2 million since we last spoke. "

 

" Saints preserve us! " said Paddy. " I'll have to get back to you. "

 

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. " Mr. Hussein, the war is

still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified

Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and

four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well! "

 

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. " I must tell

you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My

military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile

sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION! "

 

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! " , said Paddy, " I'll have to ring you back. "

 

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. " Top o' the mornin', Mr.

Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war. "

 

" I'm sorry to hear that, " said Saddam. " Why the sudden change of heart? "

 

" Well, " said Paddy, " we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,

and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners. "