Halliburton Solves Global Warming: SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climat

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Wed, 10 May 2006 18:57:00 -0700 (PDT)

SurvivaBall: Halliburton Solves Global Warming will save

managers from Abrupt Climate Change »—

 

 

 

 

 

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Halliburton Solves Global Warming

SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change

 

An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe

even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible.

[speech, photos]

" The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager

no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way, " said Fred Wolf,

a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss

conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida.

" This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change, "

he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.

 

Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause

an accelerating onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes, etc.

and that a world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible.

For example, Arctic melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30%

in just the last decade; if the Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly

become just as cold as Alaska. Global heat and flooding events

are also increasingly possible.

 

In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree

we must reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years.

Doing that would seriously undermine corporate profits, however,

and so a more forward-thinking solution is needed.

At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three

SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect

managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or

duration.

 

The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include

sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities,

onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure

to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled

even when most human life is rendered impossible

by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.

 

" It's essentially a gated community for one, " said Wolf.

Dr. Northrop Goody, the head of

Halliburton's Emergency Products Development Unit,

showed diagrams and videos describing the SurvivaBall's many features.

" Much as amoebas link up into slime molds when threatened,

SurvivaBalls also fulfill a community function.

After all, people need people, " noted Goody as he showed

an artist's rendition of numerous SurvivaBalls linking up

to form a managerial aggregate with functional differentiation,

metaphorically dancing through the streets of Houston, Texas.

 

The conference attendees peppered the duo with questions.

One asked how the device would fare against terrorism,

another whether the array of embedded technologies might make the unit

too cumbersome; a third brought up the issue of the unit's cost

feasibility.

Wolf and Goody assured the audience that these problems

and others were being addressed.

 

" The SurvivaBall builds on Halliburton's reputation as a disaster

and conflict industry innovator, " said Wolf.

" Just as the Black Plague led to the Renaissance and the Great Deluge

gave Noah a monopoly of the animals, so tomorrow's catastrophes

could well lead to good - and industry must be ready to seize that good. "

 

Goody also noted that Jean-Michel Cousteau's Ocean Futures Society

was set to employ the SurvivaBall as part of its Corporate Sustenance

® program. Another of Cousteau's CSR programs involves accepting

a generous sponsorship from the Dow Chemical Corporation,

whose general shareholder meeting is May 11.

==========

News Articles

http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/default/main/halliburton/eng/news/source_fil\

es/0%7Enewsarticles.html

2005-05-01 Oil & Gas Financial Journal

- Building a world-class finance department

2005-03-08 The New York Times Co.

- Next Step in Rebuilding Iraq: Bring Power to the People

2004-10-10 Los Angeles Times - A Tough Job, and Halliburton Does It

2004-09-28 The New York Times - A Closer Look at Cheney and Halliburton

2004-09-27 The New York Times

- Truckers of Iraq's Pony Express Are Risking It All for a Paycheck

2004-07-20 The Houston Chronicle

- Opening of Iraq exciting for Halliburton executive

2004-07-17 The Houston Chronicle - It's a done deal:

Asbestos plan approved; Restructuring of Halliburton units to proceed

2004-04-15 TheStreet.com - Halliburton Fans Spy Opportunity in Iraq

Crisis

2004-03-03 THE WASHINGTON POST - PILING ON HALLIBURTON

2003-10-17 The Wall Street Journal - HALLIBURTON'S MISSION

 

http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/

The Halliburton SurvivaBall™ -- Halliburton's reputation as a disaster

and conflict industry innovator will be cemented by the SurvivaBall™,

a one-size-fits-all solution to global warming.