OT: Brutha Will

[Guest guest]

Yo Janet,

 

> Butch-

> You be soundin' lyke that circuit preach'r from down at Bethel.

> Grits

 

Knew that feller I did .. he got kicked outa Bethel and come to Guthrie,

KY back in the middle 50's .. name was Brutha Will .. come fum a family

with a glorious history'a making fine White Lightening .. and he useta

partake now and then .. fer medicinal purposes you unnerstand. Will he

had a sister name'a Wilomena whut use'ta give all us boys lessons on all

them thangs we wuz supposed to know once't we got married and all.

 

That wuz back when I wuz a reg'lar, unwillin' participator of the Sunday

Morning reg'lar scheduled activities at the Guthrie First Baptist

Church, a gar-n-teed glorified, bonyfied, sanctified, tongues tawkin'

Suthran Fried Baptist Church it wuz. Mamma made me go ... same whut the

other mommas done fer their younguns .. and we all tried to make the

best uv'it we did. Like sitting in the back row and making farting

noises whilst keeping real straight faces .. or jumping up an hollering

Hallelujah when Brutha Will ain't said nuthing fer to brang on such

behavior.

 

Well one day .. Brutha Will went a little bit too far ... I reckon if

all

wuz told like it really oughta be, me and Billy Wayne Sales and L.C.

Moss and Rufus Jones sorta helped him along we did. This is a fact

y'all.

 

Y'all know how all them ol' bittys likes to sit up on the front row and

then when they plays the invitational, they stands up, turns around and

starts putting the eyeball on the congregation .. seeking out them folks

whut is sinners and ain't been saved yet. Then they parade on back, sit

down next'ta the unfortunate victim and preach till the sacrificee gets

up and goes forward to be saved .. and to get away from the bitty. Well

me an my buddies done had'ta go thru all that afore and we decided we

wuz gonna make them bittys pay fer'shur! And on that one day I'm gonna

tell you about .. them bittys didn't collect no feathers for their

warbonnets!

On that Sunday, me and my pardners done decided we wuz gonna liven

thangs up a bit .. gonna sponsor our own revival .. gonna outdo the

bittys and see just hjow much commotion we could stir amongst them folks

whut gen'ly just sat there sleeping when they wuzn't swatting flies or

hitting on their younguns .. and the bittys .. and Brutha Will.

 

Brutha Will wuz in fine form when he come in, and we seen that he kept

drinking on that glass'a water like he was some kinda turible parched.

So we took that operytunaty to do our thang. When Will commenced'a

preaching, we started jumpin' up and hollerin' " Right on Preacher " , and

" Tell it like it is Brutha Will, " and " Praise the Lawd Y'all, " and

such. Now that mighta embarrassed some folks but they wuzn't gonna say

nuthing cause the first thang you know, them bittys commenced to join in

... and I

knowed Mama wuzn't gonna do nuthing cause she wuz in a different pew,

so

we just kept on hollerin' and stokin' that fire.

 

Then Brutha Will got into the Spirit he did .. cause he ain't never seen

no such goings on come from his preaching. He got into all that Hell

Fire

and Damnation stuff and the more he hollered, the more we hollered and

the more we hollered, the more them bittys jumped up and praised God ..

and the more Brutha Will drank from that water glass.

 

Bye and bye, Will commenced to wandering off into Never Never Land and

tawkin' in tongues and such. Then ... he shocked all the bittys when he

pronounced that Moses tied his ass to a tree and then walked 20 miles.

 

Well ... four or five uv'em wuz stretched out on the floor whilst four

or five more wuza fannin'em with their programs. Bout that time, Rufus

Jones jumped up and hollered out loud that the Spirit of the Lawd done

visatated our congregation .. and that got Will even more excited .. and

then Will cut loose witha Pulitizer Prize winner .. in the steadiest

voice I ever done heard from him, Brutha Will pronounced ..

 

" We gonna whup the Devil just like Samson done when he took the jawbone

of a horse's ass and whipped all the Philippines. "

 

Me and my buddies commenced to laughing and rolling around on the floor.

Folks whut seen us figgered that the Spirit done really crept in so they

started doing the same thang .. and first thang I knowed Mama done

grabbed my ear, snatched me up in no kind way and headed for the door.

 

Got'a good butt whupping when I got home but all and all, I reckon it

wuz

well worth it cause Mama didn't make me go back to the church house for

more'n a month ... ;-p

 

> >Uh .. but .. this one doesn't belong in a list of jokes .. its in the

> >Bible somewhere .. I think. Butch ;-p

> >

> >Marilyn Nicholson wrote:

> >

> > > + Why did God create man before woman?

> > > He didn't want any advice.