A True Southerner/not at

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

 

I of COURSE thougt of Butch when I saw this:

 

A TRUE SOUTHERNER...

 

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and

conniption, and that you don't " HAVE " them, but " PITCH " them.

 

Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,

peas, beans, etc. make up " a mess " .

 

Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of

" yonder " .

 

Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long " directly " is - as in: " Going

to town, be back directly. "

 

Even true Southern babies know that " Gimme some sugar " is not a request for

the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the

middle of the table.

 

All true Southerners know exactly when " by and by " is. They might not use

the term, but they know the concept well.

 

Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace

for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big

bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they

also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

 

Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between " right near "

and " a right far piece. " They also know that " just down the road " can be

1 mile or 20.

 

Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a

redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

 

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn

signal is actually going to make a turn.

 

A true Southerner knows that " fixin' " can be used as a noun, a verb, or an

adverb.

 

Only a true Southerner knows that the term " booger " can be a resident of the

nose, a descriptive, as in " that ol' booger " , or something that jumps out at

you in the dark and scares you senseless.

 

Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do

" queues " , we do " lines " ; and when we're " in line " , we talk to everybody!

 

Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're

related, even if only by marriage.

 

True Southerners never refer to one person as " ya'll. "

 

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

 

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are

perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that

fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

 

When you hear someone say, " Well, I caught myself lookin' ... you know you

are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

 

Only true Southerners say " sweet tea " and " sweet milk. " Sweet tea indicates

the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened.

 

" Sweet milk " means you don't want buttermilk.

 

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old

ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, " Bless her heart " and

go your own way.

 

Cheers

Kathleen Petrides

The Woobey Queen: Woobey tip: Bump your head on the kitchen cupboard again?

Try easing it with an ice cold Woobey straight out of the freezer

http://www.woobeys.com

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

OMG ! this is too funny... I am passing this on to every one of my

in-laws.

Being as they are all from Alabama and Georgia they may not find any of

these amusing at all.. but I did. Living here (Georgia) for 2+ years and just

returning from Colorado (sobs) makes me realize how horribly true all of

these are. As for this one..

 

> Even true Southern babies know that " Gimme some sugar " is not a request for

> the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on

> the

> middle of the table

my son already knows what that means and has enough common sense to hide

behind me when it's his great-grandaddy that is saying the phrase!!!!

 

 

~*~ Hawke ~*~

Mama to Dourden ShadoWolf (7-10-01)