OT: Coffee Break VI

[Guest guest]

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple, Jethro and Elle Mae,

decided that was enough as they couldn't afford no larger double wide.

 

So, Jethro went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that

he and his wife ... er ... cousin didn't want to have no more children.

 

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could

fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry

bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can,

then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

 

Jethro said to the doctor, " I may not be the smartest man, but I don't

see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to

help me. " So, Jethro and Elle Mae drove over to Georgia to get a second

medical opinion.

 

The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure

for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.

 

So this doctor also told Jethro to go home and get a cherry bomb, light

it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

 

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, Jethro went

home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to

his ear and began to count. " 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . , " at which point

he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on

his other hand....

 

This also works in Washington, D.C. and Friendsville, Maryland ......

 

------

 

Dear Louanne Ellie Mae:

 

I'm writing this letter slow cause I know you can't read too fast. We

don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the

newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home,

so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last

West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they

moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

 

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure

it works so well though cause last week I put a load in and pulled the

chain and haven't seen them clothes since. The weather ain't bad here.

It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the

second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you,

your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with

the heavy brass buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the

pockets.

 

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried cause

it took him two hours to get me and your pappy out. Your sister had a

baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't

know if your an aunt or an uncle. Pappy said he baby looks just like

your brother....

 

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him

out, but he fought them off till he drowned. We had him cremated and he

burned for three days.

 

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was

driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two

friends were in back. They drowned cause they couldn't get the danged

tailgate down. There ain't much more news at this time. Nothing much

has happened.

 

Love, Mom

 

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already

closed by the time I thought of it.