Guest guest Posted March 3, 2002 Report Share Posted March 3, 2002 Hi, Time for a laugh! Hugs, Marilyn _______________________________ Future Career.... An older couple had a grown son who was still living with them. They were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. So they decided to do a small test. They took a $10 bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front all table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father explained his plan to the mother: " If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest -- but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard. " So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. When the son arrived, he saw a note they had left telling him they wouldn't be home for awhile. Then, he took the $10, looked at the bill against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: " It's even worse than I could ever have imagined ... Our son is going to be a politician! " ----- What's The Matter.... Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, " What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier? " Assistant replies, " Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help. " Pharmacist says, " He seems to be fine now. " Assistant replies, " Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough...! " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Junior's Day Out.... Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. " I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive, " said the beaming boy to his Dad.. " Nope, " came dad's reply, " I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years. " =================================== The man I marry.... At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. " The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing, Entertain. And stay home at night! " An old granny overheard and spoke up, " Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV! " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The " Happy " Groom.... " Congratulations my boy! " said the groom's uncle. " I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life. " " But I'm not getting married until tomorrow, " protested his nephew. " I know, " replied the uncle. " That's exactly what I mean. " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In The Poor Box.... A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, " I had an affair with a woman - almost. " The priest says, " What do you mean, 'almost'? " The man says, " Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped. " The priest replies, " Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box. " The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, " I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box! " The man replied. " Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in...! " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Taste.... The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, " Hey, cut it out, alright. " The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says, " I said don't do that again! " The rear tiger says " sorry " again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, " What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop. " The rear tiger says, " I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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