Not AT : Laughter the best medicine

[Guest guest]

Hi Folks, here's something to brighten up your Sunday afternoon.

 

Enjoy...

 

Moira

Jhb SA

 

 

History Of The World According To Actual Grade School Student Exam

Papers!

 

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in

Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by

Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants

have to live elsewhere.

 

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made

unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He

died before he ever reached Canada.

 

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

 

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them

we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a

female moth.

 

5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of

that name.

 

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving

people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of

wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

 

7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls

people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.

 

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of

Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he

was going to be made King. Dying he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus'

 

9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard

Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged

twice for the same offense.

 

10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an

apple while standing on his sons head.

 

11. Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen' As a Queen she was a

great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all

shouted, " Hurrah! "

 

12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg

invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention

was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a

historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started

smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100

foot clipper.

 

13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William

Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his

birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of

his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all

in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic

couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

 

14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.

He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.

Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote

Paradise Regained.

 

15. One of the causes of the revolutionary war was the English

put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their

parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists

won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from

the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas

Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the

declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by

rubbing two cats backwards and declared, 'A horse divided against

itself cannot stand' Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

 

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a

large number of children. In between he practiced on an old

spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the

present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was

Handel. Handel was half German and half Italian and half English.

He was very large.

 

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf

he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when

everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later

died from this.

 

18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts

and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started

reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a

network of rivers to spring up.

 

19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was

a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie

discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Mark Brothers.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi!!!

 

Thanks!!!!!!! You not only brightened up my Sunday but I just printed them

out for Mark (hubby) to read at work on Monday - he says thanks too

 

Hugs,

 

Marilyn

 

Moira du Toit wrote:

 

> Hi Folks, here's something to brighten up your Sunday afternoon.

>

> Enjoy...

>

> Moira

> Jhb SA

[Guest guest]

That made me laugh and I only got to number 3 before I decided to forward it to

my husband!

Regards

Ann - Scotland

 

 

 

Hi Folks, here's something to brighten up your Sunday afternoon.