RE:OT/ Emryldgea wants Jokes? :)

[Guest guest]

Hi,

 

Ok, these aren't from Butch, but they're jokes all the same.............as

requested.......ROFL

 

Hugs,

 

Marilyn

 

____________________

I just heard that Motorola is going to merge with Enron.

The new company is going to be called MORON.

_______________

Church News

 

* There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and

announced to his congregation:

" I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have

enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad

news is . . . it's still out there in your pockets. "

 

* " Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of

people in the world . . .

-- those who wake up in the morning and say,

" Good morning, Lord, "

-- and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,

" Good Lord, it's morning. "

 

* A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just

before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly,

but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service

station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant

pump.

" Reverend, " said the young man, " sorry about the delay. It

seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready

for a long trip. "

The minister chuckled,

" I know what you mean. It's the same in my business, too. "

 

¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤¤¤‡¤¤

 

" All In a Day's Work "

 

I teach computer courses, and my students often call me at

home with questions. One morning I was on the phone,

explaining in computer language the solution to a problem,

while a repairman was fixing my refrigerator. After an endless

stream of " C colon, backslash, greater than, CD, backslash,

DOS, C colon " and so on, I hung up and found the repairman

staring at me.

 

" Lady, " he asked, " are you a spy? "

_______________________________

If I ever get another cat, it's going to

be a big one, like a tiger or a panther.

That way, if he ever gets upset and viciously

scratches me across my face, the b*stard

won't be able to hide under the bed.

__

The agony of having spilled acid down

my pants was quickly tempered by the

breathtaking, once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity to watch a p*nis melt.

_________________________________

A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and

were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from

work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway.

 

She said,

" I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I

wonder if you and your bride would like to have them? "

 

" I'll ask her, " the young man responded. He opened his door and

called out, " Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight? "

 

" Hey, Pal, " she retorted. " If you show me one more trick with

that thing, . . . I'm going home to mother. "

_________________________

The Top 10 Events in the Taliban Olympics

 

10. The Four-Man Bomb Sled

9. Jalalabadminton

8. Decapitathlon

7. Sprint into the Dark Ages

6. Women's Don't-Show-Your-Figure Skating

5. Tora Bora Cave Whack-a-Mole

4. Regardless of the event, the Russian judge will still cheat.

3. Mixed Pairs Minefield Dancing (Men only)

2. Goat Vaulting

 

and the Number 1 Event in the Taliban Olympics...

 

1. Synchronized Surrendering

______________________________

Adam and Eve

 

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.

Then he said to himself, " There's something he's needing "

After casting about for a suitable pearl,

He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

Rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth, and ruined the whole darn thing.

 

" IF "

 

If you can start each day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when

(through no fault of yours) something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then . . . you are actually a dog!

_________________________________

Important notice

 

DEAR FRIENDS:

After much deep thought I have decided to accept Islam as my

religious preference, and am changing my name. Henceforth

and from this day forward, I will answer to the name of:

SELDOM BIN LAID.

____________________________

" Have you ever noticed?

Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and

anyone going faster than you is a maniac. "

~ George Carlin ~

 

 

 

 

emryldgea wrote:

 

> .

> Mr. Butch, do keep bringing that nose up for air to remind us of the

> real world. everyone else, keep posting those jokes to remind us to

> smile, and thanks for answering the sometimes stupid questions

> without contempt, for I am sure I will have lots more.

> I would say to Mr. Butch to keep on smilin' but I bet you are!

>

> Emryldgea

>

> How To Make Rose Petal Jam - Step By Step Instructions

> http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html

>

>