OT-Some Irish humor

[Guest guest]

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, > > when Tim Finnegan

arrives at her door. > > > > " Brenda, may I come in? " he asks. " I've

somethin' to > > tell ya. " > > > > " Of course you can come in, you're

always welcome, > > Tim. But where's my husband? " > > > > " That's what I'm

here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There > > was an accident down at the

Guiness brewery... " > > > > " Oh, no! " cries Brenda. " Please don't tell me

.... " > > > > " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and > > gone. I'm

sorry. " > > > > Finally, she looked up at Tim. " How did it happen,

Tim? " > > > > " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness > >

Stout and drowned. " > > > > " Oh my ! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he

at least > > go quickly? " > > > > " Well, no Brenda... no. " > > > >

" No? " > > > > " Fact is, he got out three times to pee. " > > > >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > > > Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday > >

morning service, and she's in tears. > > > > He says, " So what's bothering

you, dear? " > > > > She says, " Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My

husband > > passed away last night. " > > > > The priest says, " Oh, Mary,

that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, > > did he have any last requests? " > > > >

She says, " Aye, That he did, Father... " > > > > The priest says, " What did

he ask, Mary? " > > > > She says, " He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that

damn gun...' " > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > > > Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where > > Mick

bragged to Sean, > > > > " You know, I had me every woman in this town,

except > > of course, me mother and me sister. " > > > > " Well, " Sean

replied, " between you and me we got 'em all. " > > > >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > > > Pat & Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. > > Just before

the morning break, Pat yelled " Mick, I've lost me finger! " > > " Have you

now, " said Mick. " And how did you do it? " > > Pat replied " I just touched

this big, shiny spinning thing here like > > this... damn! There goes

another one! " > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > > > Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, " I haven't been > > feelin'

meself lately! " > > > > " Tis a good thing, too - that was a nasty habit you

had! " > > responded McMaken. > > > >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > > > An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving > >

home from the city one night and, of course, his car is > > weaving

violently all over the road. > > > > A cop pulls him over. " So, " says the

cop to the driver, > > " where have you been? " > > > > " Why, I've been to

the pub of course " slurs the drunk. > > > > " Well, " says the cop, " it looks

like you've had quite a > > few to drink this evening " . > > > > " I did all

right, " the drunk says with a smile. > > > > " Did you know, " says the cop,

standing straight and > > folding his arms across his chest, " that a few

intersections > > back, your wife fell out of your car? " > > > > " Oh, thank

heavens, " sighs the drunk. " For a minute > > there, I thought I'd gone

deaf. " > >

 

 

¸..·´¨¨)) -:¦:-

¸.·´ .·´¨¨))

((¸¸.·´ ...´ -:¦:- Janet -:¦:-

-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*