OT: Axes! We Don't Need No Stinking Axes!

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" In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil " --

N.Y. Times, 1/30/02

 

Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in

the " Axis of Evil, " Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had

formed the " Axis of Just as Evil, " which they said would be way moreevil

than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in

his State of the Union address.

 

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as

having, for starters, a really dumb name. " Right. They are just as

Evil...in their dreams! " declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.

" Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the

best. "

 

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,

although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

 

" They told us it was full, " said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. " An

Axis can't have more than three countries, " explained Iraqi President

Saddam Hussein. " This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II

you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have

three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool. "

 

THE AXIS PANDEMIC

 

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as

within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations

rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical

chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of

Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the

Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia

established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally

Disagreeable.

 

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling

up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis

Of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host

the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations

That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About

America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of

Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

 

" That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do, " said

Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

 

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making

fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he

rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in

" Guay, " accusing one of its members of filing a false application.

Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

 

Greece proclaimed they didn't need any outside support to be

anti-American and were proud of having earned a reputation of being the

Really Evil While Appearing to Be Nice and Kind.

 

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but world

leaders said that's only because no one asked them.