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EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable (EPA want your bodies!)

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EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable

Mon30 Jul 2007 06:37:54 -0500

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/epa_warns_human_beings_no

 

 

 

 

EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable

 

 

July 26, 2007 | Issue < http://www.theonion.com/content/index/4330> 43.30

 

 

WASHINGTON, DC-The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin

Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large

concentrations of artificial, synthetic, and often toxic substances, have

been reclassified as industrial waste.

 

"The average human body is now only 35 percent organic," EPA chief Ralph

Johnson said. "Due to changes brought about by modern detergents, silicone

implants, and processed cheese food product, it is no longer safe to allow

human tissue to come into contact with our nation's topsoil."

 

Johnson said the EPA is seeking funding to construct a massive, federally

managed human-body containment facility in the Mojave Desert to safely and

viably store human remains.

 

 

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