on loosing a child

[Guest guest]

I lost my adult son at age 24yrs old in 1994 on Valintines day..he

took his own life..he lived in his own appartment,just graduated from

business college,worked 2 jobs one of which he was employee of the

month..he suffered from bouts of depression...and wore his heart on

his sleeve..he was just too kind for the world we no now....but

Angrey..you bet....I was so angrey at God for letting this

happen,angrey at myself for not being able to save him.and angrey at

him for leaving me this way with all this guilt.and never seeing him

again..now I have seen him..a yr and 3 months after he left.setting

on my bed with his head in his hands in his lap with a gold sad drama

mask on....which I no now is the death mask...and the message came to

me unfinished business...and I felt his deep remourse...I had a call

the next day about his car being done which is what sent him over the

edge at this time..when the engine blew up...its a long story....but

they are always with us...he suffered pain from just not being able

to deal with life on a daily bases as we no it ,but it didint change

the way I felt..it changes you from the person you are to being able

to reach out and relate to people who are now going threw what your

going threw.or went threw..for only you no how that effected you...it

changes you forever.....you have a right to be angrey....and let

yourself be,I needed to talk to a counsler for a yr and half and take

medication to move on...for my anger was running my life and I was

isolating myself and not wanting to move forward....but once I was

able to get the help I needed for myself....and have someone listen

to me about why I felt the way I did that was not judgemental...It

took a lot off my mind and heart....Please no that I share your

loss..you can move threw this but you may need help...just someone to

listen to your pain that will let you vent...or write it in a

journal...but no that they want us to find peace,and sometimes they

are just to kind and good for the world we are coming into now...but

we will see them again..This I no for sure...please accept my story

with the peace and love it is intended to bring to you...BonnieW