FEMA on NOLA ‘homeless’ scams

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

 

FEMA TELLS KATRINA VICTIMS TO STOP BEING HOMELESS SO THAT IT CAN SEND

THEM BILLS

 

Homeless Scam is Busted, Says Agency

 

The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), seeking repayment of

$4.7 million from victims of hurricane Katrina, today ordered those

victims “to stop being homeless” so that it would have somewhere to send

the bills.

 

At a briefing at FEMA headquarters in Washington, acting FEMA Director

R. David Paulison said the agency had attempted to send invoices to over

2,000 residents in Mississippi but had been frustrated by the fact that

many of those residents do not have addresses.

 

“To those Katrina victims who think they’re going to avoid getting bills

from us because they don’t have an address, guess again,” Mr. Paulison.

“This whole ‘homeless’ scam of yours is now officially busted.”

 

While some in Washington questioned the tactfulness of Mr. Paulison’s

remarks, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that billing Katrina

victims was “only fair” and that he would soon issue invoices to every

man, woman and child in Iraq for the cost of the war there.

 

According to Secretary Rumsfeld, the Defense Department would begin

sending invoices asking each Iraqi citizen to pay $247,850 to pick up

their share of the war’s hefty tab.

 

“And I would urge those Iraqis who have been made ‘homeless’ by the war

to get their rear in gear and get an address for us to send the bill to,

pronto,” Mr. Rumsfeld said at a Pentagon press briefing. “Honestly, some

of those Iraqis are just as sneaky as those darn Katrina victims.”

 

Elsewhere, veteran CIA official Mary O'Neil McCarthy was fired for

leaking classified information to The Washington Post and was

immediately given a high-ranking job at the White House.

 

©2004 The Borowitz Report