Squeaky Clean America

[Guest guest]

April 19, 2006

 

House Immigration Bill Expels Irish, Jews, Portuguese, Finns, Italians,

Germans, Others

 

by G. Xavier Robillard

 

The US House of Representatives voted to enact a sweeping immigration

reform program, removing most non-Anglo-Saxon persons, regardless of

citizenship.

The mass ex-migration is expected to be complete just before November's

midterm elections. Entitled the Clean America Act, the law will provide

specific protection to those citizens whose ancestors arrived on the

Mayflower.

With the borders now permanently sealed, the Republican-controlled

House declared that this is a great American victory for America.

 

Using the little-known White Supremacy Clause of the Constitution, the

House has maneuvered to pass this bill into law without consulting the

President or Senate. " We've lost enough jobs and farmland to the Finns

who came to this country a hundred years ago, " said House Speaker Dennis

Hastert. He expects a reparations program for disenfranchised Anglos.

 

Massive Loophole Called " Legal Immigration "

 

Many so-called citizens have been in this country for quite some time,

their ancestors having slipped into this country via 'legal

immigration', a bizarre, misunderstood legal notion. " Our forefathers

never meant for 'your tired, your poor' to stay past the weekend, "

explained Congressman Hastert. " But they were too polite to kick them out. "

 

Crammed on small steamer ships headed around the globe, most Americans

are only just realizing the complexity of their legal status, and seem

to be in shock to be without a country. Former American Senator John

Kerry said that he plans to launch a filibuster from his new home in

Ireland, but believes prospects for victory are slim.

 

Even Tom DeLay, former hatchet man for the ruling party, has been

censored and told to re-locate. " We cannot support lawmakers with

Gaullist sympathies, " Hastert said, alluding to DeLay's murky origin.

Unlike other Congressmen, who have been repatriated to their mother

countries, France has barred DeLay from claiming citizenship.

 

Interestingly, the one group that was spared deportation was the large

population of illegal laborers from Mexico. " Somebody has to clean my

pool, " said Congressman John Doolittle, Republican of California, " and I

have documents to prove that Americans don't want these jobs. " Doolittle

added a rider to the Immigration Act, changing the name of California to

West Anglia.

 

Upon passage of the bill, victorious representatives sang a rousing

rendition of We Are The Champions and retired to the cloak room, where

they will watch the director's cut of Birth Of A Nation.

 

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