Mon Oncle Shrub

[Guest guest]

PRESIDENT'S HEARTFELT THANK YOU LETTER TO FIRST NEPHEW

PIERCE BUSH FOR HIS MATURE AND ARTICULATE PUBLIC

SUPPORT

Officious White House Transcript

 

 

Mr. Pierce Bush

Delta Kappa Epsilon

403 Memorial Drive

Austin, Texas 78713

 

Dear Piercey,

 

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to let you know

we caught your Today Show interview on Saturday. Nice

work, kid! Your Aunt Pickles said it was just like

peering through a time machine at me and your dad Neil

when we were young: the stuttering drawl, the

trustafarian self-assurance unburdened by actual

insight or experience – not to mention the hangover

beer breath we could practically smell through the

television. You're a chip off the old block alright,

P-Dawg!

 

I want to thank you for supporting me on my ports

plan. I think it's great how you became a teen expert

on the UAE when your dad took you along to watch him

grovel at the feet of his billionaire Arab investors.

As a Bush, you'll find that's the #1 skill we all must

master before opening our own unprofitable businesses.

(Well, that and insider trading and fraternizing with

assassins, of course!) I only hope that future world

travel with your dad will make you even more racially

open-minded – perhaps culminating in one of Neil's

signature adulterous gangbangs with velvet-mouthed

chinkotronic hookers!

 

Watch: Windows | Quicktime

 

I'm real proud of you, Pierce. You keep making

informed, articulate public arguments in my defense,

and maybe Poppy and I will give you a Savings & Loan

to drive into the ground, too! We've always had a soft

spot for you, son – ever since you were born. I told

Neil that day he should name you " Pound " or " Bang " –

but he insisted on the less-awesome " Pierce. "

 

Anyway, thanks again and good luck at college. I'll

see you kegside at the Kennebunkport July 4th rager!

 

Rock On,

 

Uncle GW

 

P.S. – If you see your mom, tell that bitch that NSA

says those " confidential " sessions with a certain Dr.

Shapiro are in violation of the terms of the 2003

non-disclosure agreement.

 

P.P.S. – Also, STAY AWAY from campus military

recruiters! You don't want to get talked into doing

anything stupid!