Fwd: FDA Approves Pfizer Wonder Drug to treat Chronic Free Thinking Disorder

[Guest guest]

You might enjoy this satyrical piece published in

'The Onion' about a new drug, as forwarded by

Vera Hassner Sharav of the Alliance for Human

Research Protection ...

 

Kind regards

Sepp

 

 

> " VERACARE " <veracare

>FDA Approves Pfizer Wonder Drug to

>treat Chronic Free Thinking Disorder

>Thu, 9 Mar 2006 05:41:34 -0500

>

>

>

 

 

>ALLIANCE FOR HUMAN RESEARCH PROTECTION (AHRP)

>Promoting Openness, Full Disclosure, and Accountability

><http://www.ahrp.org/cms/>http://www.ahrp.org/cms/

>

>

> " She may show no symptoms, but in her brain,

>irrational fear and dislike of global

>pharmaceutical manufacturers is overwhelming her

>very peace of mind. "

>

>

>Contact: Vera Hassner Sharav

>212-595-8974

><veracareveracare

>

 

 

 

>THE ONION

>

><http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/assets/logos/onion_small.gif>http\

://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/assets/logos/onion_small.gif

>Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

>

>March 6, 2006 | <http://www.theonion.com/content/index/4210>Issue 42*10

>

 

 

>NEW YORK-The Food and Drug Administration today

>approved the sale of the drug PharmAmorin, a

>prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat

>chronic distrust of large prescription-drug

>manufacturers.

>

>Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's

>approval as a " godsend " for sufferers of

>independent-thinking-related mental-health

>disorders.

>

>

><http://www.theonion.com/contentimages/New-Wonder-Jump-C.article.jpg>Ima\

ge

>

>PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large

>pharmaceutical conglomerates in pharmacies

>nationwide.

>

> " Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding

>affection for drug makers that is found in

>healthy people, such as myself, " Pfizer CEO Hank

>McKinnell said. " These tragic disorders are

>reaching epidemic levels, and as a company

>dedicated to promoting the health, well-being,

>and long life of our company's public image, it

>was imperative that we did something to combat

>them. "

>

>Although many psychotropic drugs impart a

>generalized feeling of well-being, PharmAmorin

>is the first to induce and focus intense

>feelings of affection externally, toward

>for-profit drug makers. Pfizer representatives

>say that, if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can

>increase affection for and trust in its

>developers by as much as 96.5 percent.

>

> " Out of a test group of 180, 172 study

>participants reported a dramatic rise in their

>passion for pharmaceutical companies, " said

>Pfizer director of clinical research Suzanne

>Frost. " And 167 asked their doctors about a

>variety of prescription medications they had

>seen on TV. "

>

>Frost said a small percentage of test subjects

>showed an interest in becoming lobbyists for one

>of the top five pharmaceutical companies, and

>several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.

>

>PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg

>tablets, is classified as a critical-thinking

>inhibitor, a family of drugs that holds great

>promise for the estimated 20 million Americans

>who suffer from Free-Thinking Disorder.

>

>Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an

>aggressive, $34.6 million print and televised ad

>campaign.

>

>One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60

>Minutes telecast, shows a woman relaxing in her

>living room and reading a newspaper headlined

> " Newest Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public

>Trust. " The camera zooms into the tangled neural

>matter of her brain, revealing a sticky black

>substance and a purplish gas.

>

>The narrator says, " She may show no symptoms,

>but in her brain, irrational fear and dislike of

>global pharmaceutical manufacturers is

>overwhelming her very peace of mind. "

>

>After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits,

>the commercial concludes with the woman flying a

>kite across a sunny green meadow, the Pfizer

>headquarters gleaming in the background.

>

>PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but

>Pfizer will soon face competition from rival

>pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb. The

>company is developing its own

>pro-pharmaceutical-company medication,

>Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings

>not just for drug corporations in general, but

>solely for Bristol-Myers Squibb.

>

> " A PharmAmorin user could find himself

>gravitating toward the products of a

>GlaxoSmithKline or Eli Lilly, " BMS spokesman

>Andrew Fike said. " This could seriously impede

>the patient's prescription-drug-market

>acceptance, or worse, Pfizer's profits in the

>long run. "

>

> " Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and

>therefore far more affordable to those on fixed

>incomes, " Fike added.

>

>The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor

>was welcomed by New York physician Christine

>Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in Spanish

>Harlem.

>

> " A lot of my patients are very leery of the

>medical establishment, " Blake-Mann said. " This

>will help them feel better about it, and save

>money at the same time. "

>

>PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset

>stomach, and ignoring the side effects of

>prescription drug medication.

>

>© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

>The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

>

>

>

>FAIR USE NOTICE: This may contain copyrighted (©

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>Such material is made available for educational

>purposes, to advance understanding of human

>rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical,

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>that this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such

>copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17

>U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law. This

>material is distributed without profit.

 

 

--

 

 

The individual is supreme and finds its way through intuition.

 

Sepp Hasslberger

 

 

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