Aunty Noreen on Nice Retarded People

[Guest guest]

August 6 , 2005

 

I Thought Retarded People

Were Supposed to be Nice

 

By: Noreen Heartfield

 

 

Boy, the more I watch what this President of our's is up to, the more

incredulous I become. Its astounding - I thought retarded people were

supposed to be nice! I mean, who's ever heard of an evil retard? Not me,

that's for sure.

 

Granted, until recently I've never been what you'd call a very

politically conscious person; I've never gone out of my way to keep

abreast of issues pertaining to foreign and domestic policy, rather,

I've tended to trust my gut instinct when it's come to deciding which

politicians to support.

 

The way they talk, facial expressions, whether there are any sexual

peccadilloes in their past - these are the characteristics which have

served me, and until now served me well, as my criteria for judging who

to vote for.

 

But with this Bush fellow, I feel betrayed.

After all he's retarded, so although I knew he wouldn't be the most

brilliant or polished President in our history, I figured he'd at least

err on the side of compassion.

Boy was I wrong.

 

I used to volunteer for an assisted living center for the mentally

handicapped, and I can say without any equivocation whatsoever that none

of the residents there, not a one,

would have promoted CAFTA - a " free trade " agreement that will

subordinate democratically established regulations on commerce, labor

and the environment in this country and Central America to the interests

of corporations so a few rich people can get richer by transforming

decent paying American jobs into slave labor abroad and getting a free

pass on pollution.

Besides not fitting the nice nature of the average retarded individual,

it would also conflict with their own self interest as all those

Americans with normal intelligence who get laid off will be forced to

start competing with them for their jobs at Wal-Mart and Del Taco.

 

Would the nice Mexican boy with Cerebral Palsy who mows my lawn exploit

the fear and patriotism of the citizens of this country to start a war

with a weak Third World nation under fabricated pretenses?

I sincerely doubt it, and even if he did,

I'm positive he at least wouldn't go around exalting the sacrifice of

our side's soldiers while sponsoring the use of napalm and munitions

containing depleted uranium responsible for thousands of cases of

strange cancers and auto-immune disorders amongst veterans returning

from over there.

I mean, we're talking about a kid who I saw dropping Fritos down a

gopher hole last week here.

Why couldn't our President drop fresh tasty corn chips over Iraq instead

of bombs?

That's the sort of thing I'd expect from a person of his intellectual

capacity, which is why I voted for him twice in the first place.

 

Remember that mentally disabled kid Corky from that old show " Life Goes

On? "

Delightful show. Whatever happened to him?

I thought he had real star potential.

Anyway, do you think he'd force little old ladies like me to go to

dangerous urban neighborhoods to get the pot they need to alleviate the

pain from their bone cancer by sigining a law striking down state

provisions for the medical use of marijauna?

Hell no! Not Corky!

 

But perhaps I'm being too hard.

After all, I suspect his behavior is in large part a product of those

characters he hangs out with - that Cheney fellow and that lumpy white

guy who wears the big floppy chef's hat and sells cookie dough on TV -

Karl Rove.

The mentally impaired can be highly impressionable, and these guys are

definitely bad news.

Somebody should do something.

 

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