Ed Naha: 'Us am living in Bizarro World'

[Guest guest]

Ed Naha: 'Us am living in Bizarro World'

 

Tuesday, February 21 @ 10:14:39 EST

Topic: Commander-In-Thief

 

 

Ed Naha

 

It was Harry Whittington's apology to Dick Cheney last

week, closely akin to a pedestrian hit by a drunk

driver regretting the damage done to the sot's front

grille, that convinced me. BushCo. has finally

transformed America into a real(?)-life version of

Bizarro World.

 

For those of you who don't remember Bizarro, he was

the distorted, dim-bulb opposite of Superman, the

result of a twisted duplicating ray. He and other

Bizarros lived on a square planet called Htrea (Earth

spelled backwards), and swore allegiance to the

Bizarro Code: " Us do opposite of all Earthly things!

Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness! Is big crime to make

anything perfect on Bizarro World! "

 

Yeah, that about sums up America circa 2006.

 

You know things are squirrely when Bush touts his war

on terriers in front of a zombiefied crowd down in

Florida and the first hard hitting question during the

Q & A session is: " Mr. President, I just wanted to take

an opportunity to tell you I think our country is

blessed to have you as our President. " (Let's see Tim

Russert top that!)

 

This was followed by such Hardball queries as " We are

very thankful that you don't make your decisions based

on the polls, like previous Presidents have " and " Mr.

President, it's an honor to be here with you today,

and I thank you so much for the time that you take to

share with us. "

 

 

 

Me am about to lose lunch.

 

Bush's speech was his usual blather with a few truly

inspired Bizarro quotes: " I knew we're at war when

they attacked us. As a matter of fact, I was down here

in Florida. It didn't take long to figure out what was

going on. And I vowed that day that I would not rest,

so long as I was the President, in protecting the

people. So a lot of my decision-making is based upon

the attack. And I know we're at war, see -- I knew it

then, and the enemy has, unfortunately, proved me

right because they continue to attack. In order to win

the war against the enemy you got to understand the

nature of the enemy. "

 

It didn't take him long to figure out what was going

on? Two planes take out the WTC and him were still

putting two and two together to make six?

 

How's this for a Bizarro take on history? " And so when

Saddam Hussein chose war -- and believe me, he made

the choice... The world spoke with one voice, and

said, disclose, disarm or face serious consequences...

And when he wouldn't, he faced serious consequences.

Removing Saddam Hussein has made America safe and the

world a better place. "

 

Bush ammn't sharpest tack in box. Me are still trying

to figure out this next bit: " And we shouldn't be

discouraged about setbacks -- short-term setbacks, or

the enemy's capacity to take innocent life, because

we've seen democracy change the world in the past. "

(What? Are there an idea there?)

 

So how am Iraq's new democracy going? Well, the U.S.

ambassador to Iraq, Zalmay Khalilzad is threatening

the new Iraqi government with the loss of American

support if they go the sectarian route. You know, like

Iran. And, of course, that's just what's going to

happen. Bush's democracy bender has managed to totally

destabilize the Middle East.

 

You know things are going well when Yuval Diskin, the

head of Shin Bet, Israel's internal security service,

worries that his country will come to regret its

decision to support the U.S. invasion of Iraq. " I'm

not sure we won't come to miss Saddam, " he said last

week.

 

Freedom am on march!

 

Now that the Palestinians have elected a government

and put Hamas in charge, how does the U.S. react to

this blossoming democratic process? By sending

Condoleezza Rice to the Middle East to strong arm Arab

leaders into denying aid to the Hamas-led government

and pushing Iran to curb its nuclear plans.

 

Can you say: total chaos in the region?

 

" This might lead to a conflict and I am worried that

with everything happening around us, with the issues

in Iraq, Palestine, Syria and Lebanon, this issue

could be the (straw that breaks the camel's back), "

said Sheik Hamad bin Jassim bin Jabr al-Thani, the

foreign minister of Qatar, which is part of the Gulf

Cooperation Council hosting Rice this week.

 

Bush's America am not too well liked, it seems. Me

surprised.

 

In Afghanistan last weekend, hundreds of students

shouted support for Osama bin Laden and threatened to

join al Qaeda during a protest against those Danish

cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad. Almost 60 people

have died and at least 280 injured in recent anti-toon

riots.

 

In Pakistan, the leader of the main Islamist alliance,

Qazi Hussain Ahmed, called for more protests, saying

that the publication of the cartoons was " part of the

clash of civilizations led by Bush. "

 

And, thanks to Bushzarro's saber-rattling, a new group

of Iranian youths, the Martyrdom Seekers, says it has

signed up hundreds of young people to become suicide

bombers to take out U.S. and British sites in the

region if any of Iran's nuclear plants are attacked.

 

At a suicide-bombing seminar (I'm not making this up),

one attendee, 22-year-old electrical engineering

student Reza Haghshenas said: " This is a unique

opportunity for me to die for God, next to my brothers

in Palestine. That was why I signed up. "

 

Plus the Martyrdom Seekers sweatshirts are way dope.

 

Mohammad Ali Samadi, the group's spokesman said: " With

more than 1,000 trained martyrdom-seekers, we are

ready to attack the American and British sensitive

points if they attack Iran's nuclear facilities. If

they strike, we have a lot of volunteers. Their (U.S.

and British) sensitive places are quite close to

Iranian borders. "

 

The sense of Bizarro-ness permeates this entire

administration. F'rinstance, last Friday, everyone's

favorite ditzy Grandpa, Donald Rumsfeld fumed over

America getting dissed by Muslims. Okay. There's the

whole Abu Ghraib prison torture deal, the Gitmo

torture deal condemned by the U.N. last week, the

revelation that we're paying Iraqi journalists to

plant articles favorable to the U.S. in newspapers and

on TV stations, the recent Pew survey that stated 14

out of 16 countries have a higher opinion of China

than the U.S. (and these countries are all our

allies), a recent poll in Korea that revealed most

South Korean young people would side with North Korea

if there was ever a U.S.-North Korea spat and the

" accidental " bombing of Arabic news media headquarters

in Iraq by U.S. forces.

 

So, using Bizarro logic? Who's to blame? The American

press for reporting these stories! Damn you, free

press! What were you thinking?

 

Rumsfeld bemoaned the fact that America is losing the

propaganda war in the Middle East!

 

" Our enemies have skillfully adapted to fighting wars

in today's media age, but...out country has not

adapted.

 

" For the most part, the U.S. government still

functions as a 'five and dime' store in an eBay

world. " (How au courrant, Grampster.)

 

In terms of satellite TV and other media not under

Arab state control, he said, " While al Qaeda and

extremist movements have utilized this forum for many

years...we in the government have barely even begun to

compete in reaching their audiences. "

 

Maybe Rumsfeld am thinking of new U.S. show to catch

that Islamic demographic... " The Young and the

Furious. "

 

More Bizarro logic, anyone? How about Bushzarro vowing

that we have to kick our addiction to big oil while at

the same time allowing small business owners who buy

Hummers or SUVs weighing more than 3 tons tax

deductions of up to $25,000 if they use these gas

guzzlers exclusively for work. (If a business owner

buys a hybrid car, the tax credit is $3,150.)

 

Plus, the Hummer owners, once they've subtracted the

$25K from the cost of their monster vehicles, can

deduct the depreciation on the remaining amount.

Someone who bought a $60,000 behemoth, for instance,

can claim the remaining $35,000 over the next six

years.

 

Me am thinking that defining irony.

 

Or how about: As glaciers melt, Bush denies there's

such a thing as global warming.

 

A Medicare program pretty much designed by drug

companies actually benefiting drug companies.

 

Education reform that kills public schools.

 

FEMA turning out to be the biggest disaster since

Katrina?

 

Yet, us love Bush who make world worser.

 

One true Bizarro, Mary Matalin, showed just how

imbedded the twisted thought process is in this

classic exchange with NBC's David Gregory on last

week's " Meet Depressed " concerning Dead-eye Dick

Cheney and his " shoot 'em and stonewall 'em "

adventure.

 

Gregory: " The vice president's office doesn't feel an

obligation to disclose that to the American people

directly. You do it through a ranch owner in Texas? It

just -- it just strikes me as odd. "

 

Matalin: " It strikes you as odd because you live in a

parallel universe... "

 

Gregory: " If you thought he did everything right...why

did you do a big national interview this week? "

 

Matalin: " Because you went on a Jihad, David. For four

days you went on a Jihad. "

 

Us are thinking things am getting even too bizarre for

Bizarro.

 

So as sun sink slowly in East, let us remember words

of President Bush last Friday who say: " Let's shape

the future. Let's be the leader tomorrow we are

today. "

 

Me scared. Must remember. Must remember Bushzarro

Code.

 

" Us do opposite of all smart things! Us hate peace and

prosperity! Us love war and fear! Is big crime to make

anything better in Bushzarro World! "

 

Ahhh. Me am feeling more relaxier, now.

 

Source:

http://mkanejeeves.com/?p=183

 

 

 

 

This article comes from The Smirking Chimp

http://www.SmirkingChimp.com

 

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