American Politics Journal - An Open Letter From Rush, Sean and Bill O To President Bush

[Guest guest]

American Politics Journal

E-mail Edition

Feb. 17, 2006

 

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Heads Up!

An Open Letter From Rush, Sean and Bill O To President Bush

(as mysteriously leaked to Steve Young)

 

Dear George,

 

First of all, we want you to know that we love ya and we don't want to

make a big deal out of this. Really. Up till now things have been a

smashing success. That's not to say it hasn't been a roller coaster, but

$5 million annual contracts have their way of smoothing out the ride.

 

For years we've stood steadfast, making sure that whatever lemons you've

thrown at the American people, we could make them taste like sweet,

sweet lemonade.

 

Making tax breaks for people like us seem like a benefit to Average Joe

Dope - who wouldn't know an estate tax if he sat on one - was fun.

Highlighting a four million job gain without mentioning that two million

of those jobs were first lost under your administration was just simple

sleight of math.

 

No WMD? Listen to these... " Would you rather Saddam still be in power? "

" What about the torture chambers? " " My God, he gassed his own people. "

And if those don't work we can always find some ex-Iraqi military wacko

who'll say he heard from someone who heard from someone else who has a

sister-in-law who actually saw the WMD get snuck into Syria.

 

Joe Wilson? Richard Clarke? Cindy Sheehan? Demeaning one and all? Childs

play. Glenn Beck could've handled them all by himself.

 

Turning any issue back on the Dems has never been a problem. We would

need a moat to keep Lieberman from coming on to back us up. Gitmo?

Durbin did us a solid turning it into a weeklong " you calling our troops

nazis? " party.

 

We still don't know how we were able to turn Mrs. Alito's crying during

Lindsey Graham's speech into a Democrat bad. Sometimes it just falls

into your lap.

 

We had a few rough moments with your playing guitar during the lead up

to Katrina and the whole Brownie " you're doin' a heck of a job " thing,

but thankfully Ray Nagin supplied the silver platter to lay our blame

on. And what Sean was able to do with " the buses " was pure talk gold.

 

But geez-Louise, George, the last few days have been a wee-bit

untenable. It's not like we didn't know that you were, um, massaging

the facts, but criminy, did you have to let it all unwind in the same

week? We're propagandists. We're not Helen Keller's teachers.

 

Right after we back you up on castigating the NSA whistleblower for

leaking national " can you hear me now " secrets, Scooter admits that Dick

told him to spread national secrets. Darn it, Mr. President, some of our

listeners might construe that as illegal or traitorous.

 

The Abramoff pictures with you don't seem to be just one of those

accidental pictures with some tourist at a Chanukah fling that McClellan

said they would be. Actually, the way you looked at each seemed more

Brokeback Mountain than Accidental Tourist.

 

Then Brownie says he let you in on the deadly devastation of Katrina's

wrath before you said no one could have foreseen it. It was nothing to

point to the one newspaper headline in Granada, but Brownie has the damn

e-mails. What happened to " I don't e-mail because I don't want you

reading my personal stuff " ?

 

We understand when you trot Card or Handley out to readjust the (lack

of) relevance of some administration fiasco. But y'got some

twenty-four-year-old kid in charge of adjusting NASA experts' documents

to dismiss their belief in global warming? We know he didn't graduate

college. Did he even take science in high school?

 

You sneak a humongous Social Security expenditure in the new budget

without mentioning it in your State of the Union. You could have at

least had Mehlman give us a warning.

 

Some senior C.I.A. official says the pre-war intelligence on Iraq

indicated that war was unnecessary and that the White House went to war

without requesting any strategic-level intelligence assessments on

anything that sounds like Iraq.

 

Alberto testifies that Washington and Lincoln used electronic

surveillance. The federal deficit and trade gap hits an all-time high.

And who the hell at the White House gave the okay to give DeLay a seat

on the Appropriations subcommittee that's overseeing the Justice

Department's investigation into him and Abramoff? Sure, a couple years

ago we might have been able to spin that one, but that was before the

Republican Party became the warehouse for Indictments R Us.

 

Let's be honest, George. You know we think you're the bomb, but we

couldn't weave all that garbage into something positive if we brought on

Dick Morris, Newt Gingrich and Oliver North all at the same time. And

this was just one week.

 

It's not like we're going to quit on you or anything. All we're saying

is that when so much stuff is about to hit the fan, do us a favor and

give us a heads up. At least then we would have enough time to get John

Gibson to fill in for us.

 

Still best buds,

Sean, Bill and Rush

 

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Steve Young is a Senior Fellow at the Extreme Far Centrist Foundation'

Political Husbandry Conservation Centre and Stereo Repair. In his spare

time, he is also an author, comedy writer, columnist, LA talk show host

and author of " Great Failures of the Extremely Successful. " (What? You

STILL haven't bought it? Then visit http://www.greatfailure.com/). You

can also check out the satirical side of Steve every Sunday in the LA

Daily News.

 

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For permission to reprint American Politics Journal in full or in part,

contact Jane Grice at editors

 

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" Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment

insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of

that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of

course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas

oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas.

Their number is negligible and they are stupid. "

 

President Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

 

 

 

" When the power of love becomes stronger than the love of power, we will have

peace. "

Jimi Hendrix

 

http://www.lightmovie.com/thelight/TheLight.html