Texas ATTORNEY Hunting Guide

[Guest guest]

Frederick Clegg notes:

 

This is according to the TPWD and the Dallas Bar Association. But I

think we should run it past Marsha Gillespe to see what the Game Wardens have

to say about it: (note that no aggregate limits are posted)

 

TEXAS ATTORNEY HUNTING GUIDE

 

1.) Any person with a valid Texas hunting license may harvest

attorneys.

 

2.) The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.

The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

 

3.) The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If

accidentally struck, remove road kill to roadside, then proceed to

nearest car wash.

 

4.) It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a

helicopter or other aircraft.

 

5.) It shall be unlawful to shout, " whiplash, " " ambulance! " or,

" Free Liquor! " for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

 

6.) It shall be unlawful to use controlled substances, single malt

scotch, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract

attorneys.

 

7.) It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of

whorehouses, cardiac rehab centers, ambulances, hospitals or bars

across from the courthouse.

 

8.) If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be

a $500 bounty on the pelt.

 

9.) Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health

department inspection for rabies, vermin and contagious diseases.

 

10.) It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a

reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident

victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting attorneys.

 

Attorney Bag Limits:

 

Silverbacked Texas Millionaire = 1 (in possession)

Yellow-Bellied Sidewinder = 5

Hairless Civil Libertarian = 7

Skinny-Assed Ambulance Chaser = 12

Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender = 20

Silver-Tongued Murderer Defender = 50

Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator = No limit

Intellectual Property or intellectual anything = (rare) protected species

 

Honest Attorney = Extinct