FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: This may answer our prayers .....

[Guest guest]

S

Thursday, February 16, 2006 5:31 PM

Fw: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

 

 

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

 

This may answer our prayers .....

 

 

Congress today announced that the office of President of the

United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March 1,

2006. The move is being made to save the President's $400,000

yearly salary and a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and

related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

 

" We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings

should be significant, " stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).

 

Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has

studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. " We cannot expect

to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of

cash outlay, " Reynolds noted.

 

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.

Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime.

 

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India , will be

assuming the office of President as of January 12, 2006. Mr. Singh

was born in the United States while his Indian parents were

vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the

position.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health

coverage or other benefits.

 

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job

responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time

difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at

night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. " Working

nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call

center, " stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. " I am excited

about this position. I always hoped I would be president someday. "

 

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not

be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of

President, this should not be a problem, because Bush was not

familiar with the issues either.

 

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to

respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned

responses, he can address common concerns without having to

understand the underlying issues at all. " We know these scripting

tools work, " stated the spokesperson. " President Bush has used them

successfully for years. "

 

Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has

abandoned the " down home " persona in his effort to appear

intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.

 

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his

final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he

will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. He will

not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will

exceed the allowed limit.

 

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,

Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job

transition.

 

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing

a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter

position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive

experience shaking hands and phony smile. Another possibility is

Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior

records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he

would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent

to Iraq, a country he has visited.

 

" I've been there, I know all about Iraq, " stated Mr. Bush, who

gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the

Baghdad Airport 's terminal and gift shop.

 

Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr. Bush would receive a warm

reception from local Iraqis They have asked to be provided with

details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate

welcome.