Mr. Bin Laden, I have a somewhat odd request

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Thu, 9 Feb 2006 09:35:53 -0800 (PST)

Mr. Bin Laden, I have a somewhat odd request

 

 

 

 

 

Ray St. Louis Column: Mr. Bin Laden, I have a somewhat odd request

 

By Ray St. Louis

Herald Columnist

" Between the Lines "

Osama Bin Laden

 

Location: Somewhere in Pakistan (or maybe Afghanistan)

 

Dear Osama,

 

You don't really know me, and I can't say that I'm a big fan or

anything like that (you being a mass murderer and all), but I write to

you in earnest regarding a matter of, I believe, mutual interest.

 

By the way, it is my guess that an actual letter is probably the

safest way to reach you since our government now appears to monitor

all other forms of communication (phone calls & e-mail) that American

citizens conduct, whether we are trying to contact Osama Bin Laden or not.

 

Some might make the argument that our government's surveillance is a

good reason not to try to contact a person such as yourself. My

thinking is that our government now appears to regard all of us as

terrorism suspects anyway, so what have any of us got to lose?

 

As to how I'm going to get this letter delivered to your mountain

cave, I'm a little fuzzy. I'm working on a tentative connection

involving a friend of a friend who has a brother-in-law who has some

kind of business dealing…well, we probably shouldn't go into the details.

 

Suffice it to say, the chances of this reaching you are dubious at

best. Nevertheless, the possible rewards are so great that I will make

the attempt in spite of the difficulties.

 

But let me get to the point of my letter. In your recent audio

communication, after first making the usual threats of mass

destruction within our borders, etc., etc., you diverged and mentioned

a book. The Book is titled " Rogue State: A Guide to the World's Only

Superpower " and is written by William Blum.

 

Within days of your audio missive, Mr. Blum's book shot up from

#205,763 on Amazon.com's rankings of the most ordered books to #19.

One mention from you seems to have transformed Mr. Blum's obscure

historical narrative into an overnight bestseller.

 

The author appears to be as dumbfounded as the rest of the world over

this unusual twist of events but is nonetheless welcoming his newfound

notoriety.

 

Here's my point, Osama. I'm thinking you may be ready for a little

change of pace. I'd like to recommend a work of fiction that will

undoubtedly provide an interesting diversion from the heady nonfiction

political material that seems to be your usual fare.

 

The novel is titled " The Road Dog Diary, " written by yours truly. It

is not yet published (I'm having a hard time breaking into an

extremely competitive publishing industry) but one mention from you

could change that quickly.

 

I thought about contacting Oprah about this, but her credibility, as

you may have heard, is a bit diminished at the moment.

 

Enclosed please find the complete manuscript to " The Road Dog Diary "

along with a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE). Like I said, I

would very much appreciate your mentioning my book in your next

communiqu/, if it's not too much trouble.

 

Otherwise, a written endorsement mailed back to me in the SASE would

be just about as good. Just hand it off to my friend of a friend's

brother-in-law.

 

Enjoy the book. I believe you will find it makes excellent cave reading.

 

http://www.highspringsherald.com/articles/2006/02/02/news/news19.txt