Chemical Company Receives Patent for Air

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'After all, drug companies are taking out patents on genes and proteins

found in nature, which they did not invent, or sometimes even discover.'

 

Chemical Company Receives Patent for Air

 

by David F Mayer

 

After January 1, 2007, the World's Air Will No Longer

Be Free

Global Chemical Corporation, headquartered in Passaic,

New Jersey, has just received a patent on air.

Beginning January 1, 2007, Global Chemical will begin

sending bills to all persons and operators of

equipment in the entire World that use air. Every

person and air-breathing engine on Earth will be

affected. Collection will be made through the tax

services of the various governments that are

signatories to the international patent treaties. This

is required by several paragraphs in these treaties.

Only Taiwan of the major industrial countries is not a

signatory to the treaties.

 

What this will mean to the ordinary person is that he

will be receiving an air invoice at the beginning of

each month for air used during the previous month. The

amount of the invoice will depend upon the age,

weight, sex, and level of activity of the person.

Failure to pay this bill will result in arrest for tax

evasion and incarceration.

 

In addition, an air tax will be added to all fuel

prices at the pump. It is expected that this will come

to about $US 0.15 per gallon of gasoline and diesel

fuel. Furthermore, all bonfires refuse incinerators,

and similar equipment will be taxed similarly.

 

The effect on the World economy will be very large.

Global expects first year revenues to exceed $US 250

billion despite the difficulties encountered in

billing. After 10 years, Global anticipates annual

revenues from the patent rights to air to exceed $US 1

trillion.

 

United Nations Economic Council chairperson Agabe

M'wimba was flabbergasted upon hearing the news. " How

can anybody charge for air? It is outrageous! " The

United States Department of Commerce, whose Patent and

Trademark Office issued the patent, has stated that

its legal counsel has investigated the patent and

found that it is completely legal. An anonymous source

stated, " We don't write the patent laws, we just

enforce them. "

 

When asked about the ethics of patenting air, Global

spokesperson Rita Clarke responded, " It is completely

ethical.

 

After all, drug companies are taking out patents on

genes and proteins found in nature, which they did not

invent, or sometimes even discover.

 

We have recognized an opportunity to take advantage

of the patent laws and we intend to pursue this

opportunity. We are taking over proprietary rights to

the World's air because we thought of it first. "

2003 TheSpoof