Fear, the Future & the Other F-Word

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Fri, 13 Jan 2006 15:59:01 -0800 (PST)

Fear, the Future & the Other F-Word

 

 

 

 

 

Fear, the Future & the Other F-Word

by Bernard Weiner, The Crisis Papers

http://www.opednews.com

 

 

WASHINGTON (Associated Press) -- President George W. Bush today

applauded the decision by the House of Representatives and the Senate

to disband.

 

 

" Everything changed on 9/11, " said the President. " The American people

join me in thanking Congress for finally having the wisdom and

patriotism to recognize this changed situation in the country and the

world. Although these legislators have served our nation well over the

years, now all that bickering, partisan sniping, and obstructionism

blocking my programs are gone.

 

 

" In a word, I know what needs to be done. And now we can reach those

goals with aggressive speed and determination, knowing that all our

citizens are united under one leader. Those seeking to throw the

American government into chaos and anarchy with their talk of

impeachment and cutting-and-running from our battles abroad have been

silenced. "

 

 

 

 

A joint statement from Republican and Democratic leaders in both

branches of Congress was issued late last night: " It appears that the

Executive Branch has made the Legislative branch redundant, by

outsourcing our law-making functions to itself. They are deciding

which laws to obey, and have the Justice Department and the courts

under their control. So, rather than waste taxpayers money in spinning

our wheels, we're simply going out of business. "

 

 

Most members said they have been offered lucrative contracts by

lobbying organizations, to use their access to contacts in the White

House and the military services. Others said they would be going to

work for the expanded Pentagon and Homeland Security Department, which

today announced that they would be taking over the functions of the

Department of State and all the intelligence agencies.

 

 

 

Defense Secretary Rumsfeld said one of his first priorities will be to

re-organize Amtrak as a " national security asset " and " make sure that

the trains run on time. "

 

 

 

 

The Departments of Labor and Housing & Urban Development will be

disbanded, said new White House Press Secretary Ann Coulter, as will

the various regulatory bodies such as the Environmental Protection

Agency, Federal Communications Commission, Securities & Exchange

Commission, OSHA, Mine Safety Administration, and the Civil Rights

Division of the Justice Department.

 

 

The new Secretary of Education, Rev. Pat Robertson, announced that a

national history and civics curriculum would be written by Under

Secretaries Bill Bennett and Lynn Cheney, and the Biology Curriculum

by Rev. Jerry Falwell and James Dobson.

 

 

 

 

ALWAYS " WITHIN THE LAW "

 

As for the Judicial Branch, Coulter said: " Now that the Congress is no

longer an impediment in getting patriotic judges onto the Supreme

Court, we would anticipate that the Judiciary will remain in business

to validate the decisions taken by President Bush. Citizens should

feel comforted that therefore our Administration will always be seen

as working 'within the law.' But should the Judiciary attempt to

interfere with the orderly workings of this administration, we will

re-evaluate its role and function. "

 

 

Not all members of the House and Senate went quietly into new

establishment jobs or retirement. Several Senators and

Representatives, mainly Democrats and a few moderate Republicans, said

they would move to the Western Coastal states (California, Oregon and

Washington), or to the Northeast region (Massachusetts, New York,

Maine, Vermont), where they will work for referenda on the possibility

of joint secession.

 

 

 

 

Reportedly, the Bush Administration, which has nullified the 22nd

Amendment to the Constitution, thus permitting President Bush to

continue to serve in perpetuity, has said it has no problem with the

attempts of the " traitorous regions " to sever themselves from the

" patriotic mainstream " of America.

 

 

" They are doing this to gain attention for their demands for more

inclusion in policy-making. But surely they realize that if they do

leave the United States, that would make them foreign countries, and

thus potential recipients of our shock & awe policies, " said Vice

President Dick Cheney. " I don't think they're going anywhere. They'll

come around -- or will devoutly wish that they had. "

 

 

 

 

 

SEND THESE KIDS TO CAMP

 

We attempted for this story to contact various anti-Bush activists and

progressive website editors, to get their reactions to the

extraordinary political events of the past few days, but all our

inquiries were forwarded to the Department of Homeland Security.

Robert Novak, press secretary for the Department's newly-created

Security Services, which was set up to deal with " recalcitrants " and

" malcontents, " said all those we inquired about were " unavailable for

comment. "

 

 

Other sources, who have chosen to remain anonymous, report that under

the leadership of Richard Perle thousands have been moved to

" re-education " camps in the Nevada desert, Northern Alaska oil refuge

and other undisclosed locations, or were " rendered " to special camps

in allied countries. (Note: Novak said the S.S. wants to make clear

that these " malcontents " will not be sent to the " relocation centers

reserved for homosexuals, winners of National Endowment for the Arts

grants, and other deviants. " )

 

 

 

The offending websites have been taken over or shut down, said Deputy

S.S. spokesman Bill O'Reilly, " because they have been spreading

slanderous lies and unsubstantiated charges against our Leader and his

policies. Anger and rebellion have no place in our new order; when

those troublemakers return from the re-education centers, we expect

they will have new, positive attitudes about the value of Bush

Administration initiatives. "

 

 

 

 

O'Reilly said that no action would be taken against the editors and

publishers of the country's major newspapers, networks and cable TV

and radio news outlets. " They established their patriotic credentials

long ago, and are either supportive of the Bush agenda or know when to

keep their traps shut, " said O'Reilly.

 

 

Rush Limbaugh has been appointed director of the National Institutes

of Health's pharmacy, and Jeff Gannon is now Protocol Chief in charge

of entertainment and overnight stays at the White House.

 

 

President Bush announced today that he would fill the seats of three

retiring Supreme Court justices -- John Paul Stevens, Stephen Breyer,

Ruth Bader Ginzburg -- with Michael Brown, Alberto Gonzales and

Harriet Miers.

 

 

 

 

" These new appointees are three of our finest public servants, who

have demonstrated great loyalty to my person and policies, " said

President Bush. " They know that everything changed on 9/11 and that me

and my Administration are working hard for the American people. They

will serve the nation well in making sure that our Administration's

actions always will remain 'within the law'

 

-- by validating with their unanimous opinions those decisions I take

in the service of protecting the American people from threats to our

national security. Everything changed on 9/11; the terrorists hate us

for our freedoms, you know. "

 

 

 

 

THE PRESIDENT'S MERCY

 

Finally, President Bush today issued a full amnesty and/or pardon for

those felons from his Administration and Congress currently serving

time in prison or those under federal indictment or grand jury

investigation. Included among those hundreds are the Cabinet, Karl

Rove, I. Lewis Libby, Tom DeLay, John Ashcroft, Bill Frist, Duke

Cunningham, and such stalwart Administration backers as Jack Abramoff,

Ralph Reed and Kenneth Lay.

 

 

" These are loyal Americans all, who have worked tirelessly for me and

thus for the good of our nation, and were hounded by over-zealous

prosecutors with hidden agendas, " said President Bush. " These pardons

and amnesties will ensure that they return to their good work in the

public and private sectors, and will continue advising me well. "

 

 

Switching places with the pardoned felons are such " over-zealous

prosecuters " as Patrick Fitzgerald, James Comey, Ronnie Earle, and

Elliot Spitzer. Among notables known to have been rounded up and sent

for re-education, based on their harsh critiques of Bush policy:

Lawrence Tribe, Anthony Lewis, Richard Clarke, Paul O'Neill, Lawrence

Wilkerson, Paul Krugman, Molly Ivins, Noam Chomsky, Frank Rich and

Seymour Hersh. Numerous other notables reportedly have fled to France.

 

 

 

 

President Bush said he issued the amnesties now to " have our full and

best team in place as we prepare for whatever foreign and domestic

actions may come in the immediate future. " It is believed he is

referring to the impending military action against Syria, Iran, North

Korea, Venezuela, Cuba and Bolivia.

 

 

More secret prisons are being built to accomodate the expected

thousands of detainees from those conflicts. But, said Defense

Secretary Rumsfeld, " there will be fewer prisoners than in past wars

because we fully intend to exercise our dominance in the

nuclear-weaponry field. The advantage in using such WMDs is that it

reduces the number of prisoners to care for and also keeps other

foreign countries from even thinking about criticizing our policies.

In short, it's a win-win for America and for the expansion of freedom

around the globe. "

 

 

 

-------

Bernard Weiner, Ph.D., a playwright-poet, has written numerous satires

and parodies ( www.crisispapers.org/weinerpubs.htm#diaries ). He has

taught at numerous universities, worked as a writer/editor with the

San Francisco Chronicle, and currently co-edits The Crisis Papers

(www.crisispapers.org). For comments: >> crisispapers <<.

 

www.crisispapers.org

Bernard Weiner, Ph.D. in government & international relations, has

taught at various universities, worked as a writer-editor at the San

Francisco Chronicle, and currently co-edits The Crisis Papers

(www.crisispapers.org).