Pause for a beauty

December 7, 2005

BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL - One of a doctor's unwritten roles is just to

be there, to be a witness, a witness to pain and suffering, to grief

and loss, to moments of great joy and great sorrow, but most of all a

witness to body fluids. Mrs Keogh arrived in the surgery in what P G

Wodehouse would have called a dignified procession of one. " What do

you think of that, doctor? " she asked, burping open the Tupperware

container.

There followed a long, contemplative, and unexpectedly companionable

silence; a golden, serene moment, a time for pause and quiet

reflection, a time to stop and smell the flowers in a world that

rushes ever faster. As the air grew steamy around us I could see

little motes of dust sparkling in a stray gleam of sunlight through

the window and hear far away in the distance a small aeroplane purring

over the meadows. The surgery had the spiritual ambience of a

monastery chapel, and if C S Lewis and J R R Tolkien had walked in

twittering gently on about morality and suspiciously androgynous

fairies I wouldn't have been surprised.

Eventually, and not without some feeling of loss, I surfaced. " That is

a very impressive bowel motion, ma'am, " I said slowly, " a very

impressive bowel motion indeed, the very opposite of jejune, the

apotheosis of the gold bar; an unforgettable bouquet, lines as sleek

as a thoroughbred racehorse, and a color deep and mysterious as a

Conrad novel. If it could talk it would have the rich, fruity timbre

of Anthony Hopkins, and it would tell us of a digestive system in

excellent, nay, in exquisite shape, bespeaking a diet rich in all the

fine things of this goodly earth. If this were the Olympics, we could

hang the medal round its finely tapered neck right now. "

But Mrs Keogh had yet another surprise for me. " It's not mine, it's my

husband's, " she said, her voice soft with tenderness (was that a tear

in her eye?). " Isn't it a beauty? "

Some married couples are just a little too close for comfort, I

thought. " Love sees not with the eyes but with the mind/And thus is

one eyed Cupid ever painted blind. "

" If you love something, let it go, " I paraphrased solemnly, " we'll

bury the little lad at sea. " - Liam Farrell, general practitioner,

Crossmaglen, County Armagh

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