Unconfirmed Sources

[Guest guest]

More US Citizens Believe In Santa Claus Than In Bush Iraq Victory Plan

 

by Ed E. Druckman

 

 

(Washington--D.C.) In a recent CNN/USA Today poll, 53% of Americans

polled believed more in Santa Claus than in the points outlined for

victory in Iraq by President Bush. And with a survey question also

including belief in the Grinch and Snoopy, the number rose to 58%. The

White House was quick to react.

 

 

In his afternoon press briefing, White House Press Secretary Scott

McClellan said: " First, the President has the utmost respect for Santa

Claus, Kris Kringle and even Babbo Natale, but we see this as a seasonal

aberration. " When pressed on the Snoopy/Grinch statistic, McClellan

first took a long drink from his ever-present Costco sized bottle of

Pepto-Bismol. " Well…that…yeah…many people confuse President Bush with

the Grinch, but that's just because…well…it's obvious…they…they both

have dogs. "

 

McClellan went on to speak to specifics in the Bush victory plan. " As

the President said, in two years the Iraqi people have made an

incredible amount of progress toward self rule. They've gone from

hitting statues with shoes to wearing them. Now, that may not seem like

much until you try walking on some of those bombed out roads. "

 

A reporter for the " North Pole Candy Cane " then asked whether Americans'

belief in Santa Claus over the President's Iraq victory plan showed the

country's absolute lack of confidence in Bush as a leader. McClellan was

direct. " I didn't want to mention this. But who elected Santa Claus? A

leader is someone chosen by the people in a fair, or almost fair,

election. It seems Santa declared himself Leader of the North Pole. That

sounds more like dictator talk to me. Santa…Saddam…they sound very

familiar. Don't they? "

 

CNN's John King immediately grilled McClellan. " Are we to understand

that you are saying Santa is a dictator? You do know that he is fictional? "

 

McClellan replied: " I know that. I'm saying this fictional character,

who is a dictator, is this the person we want to believe in? Is this the

person we want our children to follow? And…and I want to get back to

that poll. When you take into account the amount of Jews who

participated, the number drops to only 52% of Americans believe more in

Santa Claus than in the President's victory plan in Iraq. I think my

point is made. "

 

If you want to reach Ed E., e-mail michael.192