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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42811

 

 

 

Bush To Increase Funding For Hope-Based Initiatives

 

November 23, 2005 | Issue 41•47

 

 

WASHINGTON—President Bush announced today that he will sign a bill

providing an additional $2.8 billion for private organizations that

emphasize the importance of hoping for change.

 

Bush To Increase Funding For Hope-Based Initiatives

 

" This bill acknowledges the immeasurable role of hope in envisioning a

better world for everyone, " Bush said during a press conference.

" Starting today, I ask all Americans to hope together as one nation

that the difficult problems that grip our nation will go away someday. "

 

The president's move will help direct federal funds to such groups as

the National Hope Foundation, which has been hoping for a cure for

cancer for nearly two decades.

 

" There are many in our country who are without hope, " Bush said. " Yet

there are many respected organizations in America that are actively

hoping things get better. This program will assist these organizations

in obtaining government grants, which will allow them to continue the

important hoping that must be done. "

 

Among the programs likely to receive funding is Project Hope You Don't

Get Sick, a non-profit organization hoping that over 45 million

Americans receive the proper health care they need.

 

Dream Job United, another likely recipient, is a widely acclaimed

program in which the ill-prepared and uneducated are trained to hope

for job interviews at top companies.

 

Another project slated for assistance in is a Louisiana-based

teen-pregnancy reduction program, in which volunteers hope teens

abstain from intercourse.

 

Under the bill, wish-based initiatives will also be eligible for

increased funding. Dozens of independent wishful-thinking foundations,

such as America Wishes Things Were Better, expect to receive grants to

fund distribution of pennies, wishbones, and birthday candles.

 

Those with wishes and hopes applauded the president's move, saying

that faith alone cannot rectify the nation's social ills.

 

" Faith-based problem-solving is noble, but we should not discount the

power of hope, " said veteran hoper Howard Thorndike, who heads the

Please Oh Please Institute, a Houston-based wish tank. " 'Hail Mary'

strategies, for example, are a part of the fabric of our nation, from

the football field to the boardroom, and our government ignores such

traditions at its peril. "

 

Bush echoed Thorndike's sentiments. " As your president, I have seen

firsthand what hoping can do, " he said. " I have heard stories of

decent people trapped under piles of rubble, and I have hoped that

they would be rescued. And eventually, many were. Recently, powerful

storms and destructive hurricanes ravaged some of our great cities. I

hope that you will join me in wishing that we do not get hit by any

more of those. "

 

Bush added: " Laura and I hope every night that good things will happen

for our great country. My fellow Americans, I call on you to do the same. "

 

© Copyright 2005, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

 

 

Other stories at the Onion.

 

 

 

the ONION America's Finest News Source Weekly Dispatch

Volume 41 Issue 47 November 23, 2005 - November 29, 2005

Add dispatch to your Address Book to avoid spam filters

 

 

 

 

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