article: 'You Are Beautiful. Now Say It'

[Guest guest]

'You Are Beautiful. Now Say It'

The author of the 'Simple Abundance' series helps us see our own beauty and

worth.

By Sarah Ban Breathnach

 

Excerpted from " The Simple Abundance Companion " with permission of Warner

Books. Copyright 2000 by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

 

Welcome to You

 

Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage.

 

--Claude M. Bristol

 

You are beautiful. Right now. Today. Just as you are, just the way you look as

you read those three words: You. Are. Beautiful. Say it slowly aloud, as if the

phrase were a foreign language, for it probably is.

 

You are beautiful. Now say it in the first person singular.

 

I am beautiful.

 

Do you know that? If so, remind yourself of this glorious fact every day. If

not, it is time to become beautiful in your own eyes. This will require a

makeover of sorts, but not the kind you think. Learning to love the way you look

has nothing to do with starting a diet or reshaping your eyebrows. Accepting and

embracing your authentic beauty means seeing yourself from the inside out. I

love me, I love me not--I love me.

Beauty may only be skin deep, but there is nothing superficial about the

complicated relationship that a woman has with her appearance. How you see

yourself and how you think other people see you—your body image—is deeply

connected to how you feel about yourself.

The effects of a negative body image can be devastating. If you don't like the

way you look, you probably don't like the woman you are. And those feelings of

worthlessness, self-consciousness, and inadequacy will insinuate their way into

nearly every area of your life—into your friendships, your career, your

romances, and, most importantly, your relationship with yourself.

A positive body image is equally powerful. It is not an instant solution to

all of life's problems, but a starting point, a spark that can set off a

fabulous chain reaction. Loving how you look when you catch a glimpse of

yourself in a mirror or store window paves the path of self-love, and with that

acceptance comes self-esteem, confidence, and authentic beauty, a radiance that

glows from within. A beauty that is more than skin deep.

 

Sowing the Seeds of Self

 

Self-admiration giveth much consolation.

 

--Gertrude Atherton

 

Looking in the mirror is a startling subjective experience. When facing her

reflection, one woman may say to herself, " I wish my hips were smaller, " or " My

fat hips make me ugly. " Or she could say, " My curves make me sexy. " In each

example, the hips are the same—it's how a woman feels about them that's

different. But where do these feelings come from? Whether or not you realize it,

you've spent your entire life developing them, honing them, cloning them.

Transforming the messages communicated by society, your family, your friends,

your rivals, and your enemies into cellular memory. " As preschoolers, boys and

girls have already learned the lessons about physical appearance that our

society teaches, " explains psychologist Thomas Cash, author of " What Do You See

When You Look in the Mirror? " " They know that lovely Cinderella gets the prince;

her ugly and mean stepsisters do not. From childhood on . . . we judge our

self-worth by the physical standards we've absorbed. " The

world's standards—to be extraordinarily thin, conventionally attractive, and

forever young—are uncompromising and unrealistic, yet so pervasive in the media

that women who do not conform (and who does?) feel flawed, inferior,

unsuccessful, unlovable.

Society's ideals are reinforced in children by parents who overemphasize the

importance of appearance, consciously or unconsciously. Their messages, be they

subtle or painfully obvious, are expressed in dozens of ways: Were you put on a

diet as a child or compared unfavorably to a sibling? Or were you praised for

your prettiness, made to feel that it was your looks that made you lovable? Did

your father disparage your mother for the way she looked? Or did she obsess

about her own appearance? Don't discount the influence of friends and

classmates: Being teased as a child or ostracized as a teenager can undermine

the efforts of the most accepting parents.

Do you have memories of experiences that might have contributed to the way you

see yourself today? As an adult, you may be able to " understand " them, to

understand that your parents' criticisms did not mean they didn't love you, or

that the bullies at school were acting purely out of their own insecurities. But

this doesn't make the memories any less hurtful or their hold on you any less

powerful. However, facing them, before you face yourself in the mirror, is the

crucial first step in reshaping your body image.

A lifetime pattern of self-denigration is not going to disappear overnight.

You're going to have to learn how to replace your automatic criticisms with

praise. Self-admiration takes many forms. It can and should include the new

compliments you pay to yourself everyday. But the most powerful self-compliment

of all is honoring the promises you make to your own soul.

ARTICLE SOURCE:http://www.beliefnet.com/story/23/story_2375_2.html

 

Jennifer

 

 

 

 

 

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" in my dreams, your dreams come true.... "

 

 

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