Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Good Morning! The Power of Forgiveness " Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another " . It is our choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to no longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? As it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone says " I can forgive, but I cannot forget " , it is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Why Should We Forgive? The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. How do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges and seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for security with the potential for granting forgiveness. Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace with others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in the future. " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. " - Mahatma Gandhi Author Larry James states " Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it works! We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die! " Alexander Pope once said, " To err is human; to forgive, Divine. " Believe it! Mr. James goes on to say " Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: " Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter? " If the answer is " No, " then that's it! All is forgiven " . " The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing. " - George Bernard Shaw Tools For Forgiveness The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our world is important in the healing process. See humility as forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out of forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way you view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and tools for forgiving: 1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability to receive forgiveness. 2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this allows us to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to forgive others for any past mistakes. 3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time made some bad choices. 4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. When left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash away the foundation of any relationship. 5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, disputes and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person. 6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by letting go of your ego. 7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we love ourselves more. 8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness. 9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace. 10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and others. It revels a path to our true selves. " Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. " - Oscar Wilde Forgiveness Workbook This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a great way to bring the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to express your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals are good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for achieving a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow you to look at that information later for understanding inspiration and guidance. Tips for Understanding Forgiveness 1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are forgiving. Write down what it is you are forgiving them for. 2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will. 3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding. 4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your mindfulness, today. " My partner " , " my great career " , " my respect for myself and others " . 5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. Explain in your journal. 6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. Write down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing, seeing, saying, hearing... 7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically. What has positive impact on your thoughts? 8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a stepping stone to the next level! List them now. 9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page. 10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are eager to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express your journey to forgiving yourself and others. Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac. Peacefulmind.com Therapies for healing mind, body, spirit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 you can forgive but if you stay in that situation you are partly resposible for what happening WAKE UP AMD GET OUT................................................... suej22 <suej22 wrote: I have always 'swallowed' what came my way - thus I forgave and moved on. I am very likely to forget. But the abuse continues. The disrespect continues. I offer the other cheek and it just gets slapped... How do you stop the abuse if forgiveness makes the forgiver open to more abuse. Forgiveness appears to enable the abuser. On 10/12/2007, yogiguruji <yogiguruji wrote: > > Good Morning! > > The Power of Forgiveness > > " Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another " . It is our > choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to no > longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the > equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? As > it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone > says " I can forgive, but I cannot forget " , it is only another way of > saying, I will not forgive. > > Why Should We Forgive? > > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we > examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We > need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. How > do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges and > seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for security > with the potential for granting forgiveness. > > Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of > mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace with > others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in > the future. > > " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the > strong. " - Mahatma Gandhi > > Author Larry James states " Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, > AND it works! We often think of forgiveness as something that someone > who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of > looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you > focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To > not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for > what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die! " > > Alexander Pope once said, " To err is human; to forgive, Divine. " > Believe it! > > Mr. James goes on to say " Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. > It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. > It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask > yourself: " Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter? " > If the answer is " No, " then that's it! All is forgiven " . > > " The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing. " - > George Bernard Shaw > > Tools For Forgiveness > > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > world is important in the healing process. See humility as > forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out of > forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way you > view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and > tools for forgiving: > > 1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability to > receive forgiveness. > > 2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this allows us > to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to > forgive others for any past mistakes. > > 3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time > made some bad choices. > > 4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. When > left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash away > the foundation of any relationship. > > 5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, disputes > and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well > thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person. > > 6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive > yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by letting > go of your ego. > > 7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we > look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we love > ourselves more. > > 8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness. > > 9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace. > > 10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and others. > It revels a path to our true selves. > > " Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. " - Oscar > Wilde > > Forgiveness Workbook > > This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a great way to bring > the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to express > your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing > down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals are > good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for achieving > a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow you to > look at that information later for understanding inspiration and > guidance. > > Tips for Understanding Forgiveness > > 1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are forgiving. > Write down what it is you are forgiving them for. > > 2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will. > > 3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding. > > 4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your mindfulness, > today. " My partner " , " my great career " , " my respect for myself and > others " . > > 5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. Explain > in your journal. > > 6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. Write > down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing, > seeing, saying, hearing... > > 7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do > by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically. > What has positive impact on your thoughts? > > 8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to > forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a stepping > stone to the next level! List them now. > > 9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page. > > 10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are eager > to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express your > journey to forgiving yourself and others. > > Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac. > Peacefulmind.com > Therapies for healing > mind, body, spirit > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Wonderful points Renee. Even in the tradition that advocates turning the other cheek, you are only asked to love your neighbour as yourself. By allowing abuse to continue, how much are you loving yourself? Ien in the Kootenays http://freegreenliving.com (blog) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Ahh, Sue, that's painful to read. That swallowing of what is happening and forgiving but allowing the abuse to continue is going to hurt you more than a slap if you don't deal with it soon. You can forgive but treat yourself well. Forgive the person for their lack of understanding of love and the world, but do every last little thing in your power to move on and care for yourself. Turning the other cheek and accepting the slap is not forgiveness. It actually is disrespectful of yourself. I know it's hard, but you can do this. I've *been there, done that* - unfortunately - and many others have also. If I had my wish, it would never happen again. Take good care of *you* and please let us know how it's going. Cindy Cindy Kirchhoff http://livinginrhyme.com , suej22 <suej22 wrote: > > I have always 'swallowed' what came my way - thus I forgave and moved on. I > am very likely to forget. > > But the abuse continues. The disrespect continues. > > I offer the other cheek and it just gets slapped... > > How do you stop the abuse if forgiveness makes the forgiver open to more > abuse. > > Forgiveness appears to enable the abuser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 ---no i feel this is not what is meant at all yoou never allow anyone to abuse you --- these animalistic types will see forgiveness as weekness and exploit and use you --if you allow you ar enot sopme door mat as you should never allow anyone to treat u as such forgiveness is not this at all phill In , suej22 <suej22 wrote: > > I have always 'swallowed' what came my way - thus I forgave and moved on. I > am very likely to forget. > > But the abuse continues. The disrespect continues. > > I offer the other cheek and it just gets slapped... > > How do you stop the abuse if forgiveness makes the forgiver open to more > abuse. > > Forgiveness appears to enable the abuser. > > > > On 10/12/2007, yogiguruji <yogiguruji wrote: > > > > Good Morning! > > > > The Power of Forgiveness > > > > " Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another " . It is our > > choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to no > > longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the > > equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? As > > it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone > > says " I can forgive, but I cannot forget " , it is only another way of > > saying, I will not forgive. > > > > Why Should We Forgive? > > > > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > > world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we > > examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We > > need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. How > > do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges and > > seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for security > > with the potential for granting forgiveness. > > > > Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of > > mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace with > > others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in > > the future. > > > > " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the > > strong. " - Mahatma Gandhi > > > > Author Larry James states " Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, > > AND it works! We often think of forgiveness as something that someone > > who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of > > looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you > > focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To > > not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for > > what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die! " > > > > Alexander Pope once said, " To err is human; to forgive, Divine. " > > Believe it! > > > > Mr. James goes on to say " Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. > > It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. > > It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask > > yourself: " Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter? " > > If the answer is " No, " then that's it! All is forgiven " . > > > > " The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing. " - > > George Bernard Shaw > > > > Tools For Forgiveness > > > > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > > world is important in the healing process. See humility as > > forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out of > > forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way you > > view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and > > tools for forgiving: > > > > 1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability to > > receive forgiveness. > > > > 2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this allows us > > to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to > > forgive others for any past mistakes. > > > > 3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time > > made some bad choices. > > > > 4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. When > > left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash away > > the foundation of any relationship. > > > > 5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, disputes > > and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well > > thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person. > > > > 6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive > > yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by letting > > go of your ego. > > > > 7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we > > look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we love > > ourselves more. > > > > 8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness. > > > > 9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace. > > > > 10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and others. > > It revels a path to our true selves. > > > > " Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. " - Oscar > > Wilde > > > > Forgiveness Workbook > > > > This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a great way to bring > > the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to express > > your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing > > down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals are > > good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for achieving > > a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow you to > > look at that information later for understanding inspiration and > > guidance. > > > > Tips for Understanding Forgiveness > > > > 1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are forgiving. > > Write down what it is you are forgiving them for. > > > > 2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will. > > > > 3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding. > > > > 4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your mindfulness, > > today. " My partner " , " my great career " , " my respect for myself and > > others " . > > > > 5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. Explain > > in your journal. > > > > 6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. Write > > down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing, > > seeing, saying, hearing... > > > > 7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do > > by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically. > > What has positive impact on your thoughts? > > > > 8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to > > forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a stepping > > stone to the next level! List them now. > > > > 9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page. > > > > 10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are eager > > to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express your > > journey to forgiving yourself and others. > > > > Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac. > > Peacefulmind.com > > Therapies for healing > > mind, body, spirit > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you for your replies. It's a long time since I wrote and life has moved on apace. In personal relationships, I learnt to say 'no' a long time ago. It's easy to move on. 'Moving on' is a punishment, a witholding, 'tough love'. It protects me and it protects the other person from my dissatisfaction. But as time has gone on in my life, I discovered I was always moving on. There is something wrong with me if I am always moving on. I should stay and stick it out and 'deal with it'. I discovered that the abuse was the result of other people's difficulties (my husband and mother both have Aspergers Syndrome). They couldn't help mental and emotional cruelty. It was not their intention but my experience of abuse was the result of their 'difference'. A diagnosis of cancer finally gave me the excuse I needed to let go and move on. Not so easy to turn my back on THEIR needs tho - distressed and physically incapacitated parent in a care home where she is now being emotionally abused by people who do not understand or even recognise autism. Husband becoming exhausted looking after autistic son. When I look deep inside, I find a small part of me saying 'huh, now it's YOUR turn to know what it's like, mateys!' But I have compassion, I involve myself within my limits. The result is a breakdown because of the hostility of a new outer circle of people who resent, do not understand or forgive (schools, care homes etc). In my work situation, I work with people who are equally insanely emotionally abusive. Eight years of promises to 'do different' which lasts a month or two. I recognise passive aggressive behaviour. I challenge. He kicks. I am tormented with inner conflict. Rage, whinge, collapse or forgive? The only solution is to keep well away but then I am the one to lose out. And no it's not as simple as moving away. It is my own business within a business which I have built up. I've lost my family, my home, my health. My independent income is all I have left. Crazy landlords say : 'Hurry up and die'. Wow - at least they are refreshingly outwardly blatently abusive!!! Forgiving is easy. But I recognise what you say about finding out we have not truly forgiven. Yes, I have a stubborn resentment hiding deep inside although I float above it with my tranquil 'forgiveness'. If we truly forgive then we change our energy and this is supposed to change the other person. Once I understood my mother's condition, I completed my forgiveness and the kaleidoscope changed. There was probably some kind of love there. Certainly there was compassion and recognition. It's only if we truly forgive OURSELVES then something shifts. Can I truly accept myself if I see myself as someone who is only worthy of abuse of one kind or another? Can I forgive myself for being seen by others as an opportunity to abuse? Can I forgive myself for perceiving in the pain of others, experiencing in their behaviour, something which I damnably call abuse? How can I turn it around so that I can be aware of what is happening but do not experience it AS abuse? Tibetan monks bowed to their abusers. They could not stop the abuse. They remained sane by staying in the feeling of 'love and compassion'. But I'm not prepared to give up any more of my life to that end. The abuser wants to control and dominate. I see that now. I choose not to play the game. But, other than walking away, I don't see how. There MUST be another way unless I am to become infinitely lonely, alone and isolated throughout my senior years. On 14/12/2007, pjb12345uk <pho wrote: > ---no i feel this is not what is meant at all > yoou never allow anyone to abuse you --- > these animalistic types will see forgiveness as weekness and exploit > and use you --if you allow > you ar enot sopme door mat as you should never allow anyone to treat > u as such > > forgiveness is not this at all > phill In , suej22 <suej22 > wrote: >> >> I have always 'swallowed' what came my way - thus I forgave and > moved on. I >> am very likely to forget. >> >> But the abuse continues. The disrespect continues. >> >> I offer the other cheek and it just gets slapped... >> >> How do you stop the abuse if forgiveness makes the forgiver open to > more >> abuse. >> >> Forgiveness appears to enable the abuser. >> >> >> >> On 10/12/2007, yogiguruji <yogiguruji wrote: >> > >> > Good Morning! >> > >> > The Power of Forgiveness >> > >> > " Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another " . It is > our >> > choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to > no >> > longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the >> > equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? > As >> > it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone >> > says " I can forgive, but I cannot forget " , it is only another way > of >> > saying, I will not forgive. >> > >> > Why Should We Forgive? >> > >> > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our >> > world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we >> > examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We >> > need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. > How >> > do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges > and >> > seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for > security >> > with the potential for granting forgiveness. >> > >> > Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of >> > mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace > with >> > others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in >> > the future. >> > >> > " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the >> > strong. " - Mahatma Gandhi >> > >> > Author Larry James states " Forgiveness works! It is often > difficult, >> > AND it works! We often think of forgiveness as something that > someone >> > who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way > of >> > looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you >> > focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. > To >> > not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer > for >> > what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die! " >> > >> > Alexander Pope once said, " To err is human; to forgive, Divine. " >> > Believe it! >> > >> > Mr. James goes on to say " Forgiveness is a gift you give to > yourself. >> > It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not > complicated. >> > It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask >> > yourself: " Am I willing to waste my energy further on this > matter? " >> > If the answer is " No, " then that's it! All is forgiven " . >> > >> > " The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing. " - >> > George Bernard Shaw >> > >> > Tools For Forgiveness >> > >> > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our >> > world is important in the healing process. See humility as >> > forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out > of >> > forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way > you >> > view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and >> > tools for forgiving: >> > >> > 1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability > to >> > receive forgiveness. >> > >> > 2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this > allows us >> > to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to >> > forgive others for any past mistakes. >> > >> > 3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time >> > made some bad choices. >> > >> > 4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. > When >> > left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash > away >> > the foundation of any relationship. >> > >> > 5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, > disputes >> > and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well >> > thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person. >> > >> > 6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive >> > yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by > letting >> > go of your ego. >> > >> > 7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we >> > look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we > love >> > ourselves more. >> > >> > 8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness. >> > >> > 9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace. >> > >> > 10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and > others. >> > It revels a path to our true selves. >> > >> > " Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. " - > Oscar >> > Wilde >> > >> > Forgiveness Workbook >> > >> > This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a great way to > bring >> > the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to > express >> > your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing >> > down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals > are >> > good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for > achieving >> > a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow > you to >> > look at that information later for understanding inspiration and >> > guidance. >> > >> > Tips for Understanding Forgiveness >> > >> > 1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are > forgiving. >> > Write down what it is you are forgiving them for. >> > >> > 2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will. >> > >> > 3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding. >> > >> > 4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your > mindfulness, >> > today. " My partner " , " my great career " , " my respect for myself and >> > others " . >> > >> > 5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. > Explain >> > in your journal. >> > >> > 6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. > Write >> > down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing, >> > seeing, saying, hearing... >> > >> > 7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do >> > by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically. >> > What has positive impact on your thoughts? >> > >> > 8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to >> > forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a > stepping >> > stone to the next level! List them now. >> > >> > 9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page. >> > >> > 10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are > eager >> > to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express > your >> > journey to forgiving yourself and others. >> > >> > Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac. >> > Peacefulmind.com >> > Therapies for healing >> > mind, body, spirit >> > >> > >> > >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 We should all learn to develop healthy boundaries. I suggest a book " Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life " by Dr. John Townsend & Dr. Henry Cloud. Blessings, Gina , suej22 <suej22 wrote: > > Thank you for your replies. It's a long time since I wrote and life > has moved on apace. > > In personal relationships, I learnt to say 'no' a long time ago. It's > easy to move on. 'Moving on' is a punishment, a witholding, 'tough > love'. It protects me and it protects the other person from my > dissatisfaction. > > But as time has gone on in my life, I discovered I was always moving > on. There is something wrong with me if I am always moving on. I > should stay and stick it out and 'deal with it'. > > I discovered that the abuse was the result of other people's > difficulties (my husband and mother both have Aspergers Syndrome). > They couldn't help mental and emotional cruelty. It was not their > intention but my experience of abuse was the result of their > 'difference'. > > A diagnosis of cancer finally gave me the excuse I needed to let go and move on. > > Not so easy to turn my back on THEIR needs tho - distressed and > physically incapacitated parent in a care home where she is now being > emotionally abused by people who do not understand or even recognise > autism. Husband becoming exhausted looking after autistic son. > > When I look deep inside, I find a small part of me saying 'huh, now > it's YOUR turn to know what it's like, mateys!' But I have > compassion, I involve myself within my limits. The result is a > breakdown because of the hostility of a new outer circle of people who > resent, do not understand or forgive (schools, care homes etc). > > In my work situation, I work with people who are equally insanely > emotionally abusive. Eight years of promises to 'do different' which > lasts a month or two. I recognise passive aggressive behaviour. I > challenge. He kicks. I am tormented with inner conflict. Rage, > whinge, collapse or forgive? The only solution is to keep well away > but then I am the one to lose out. And no it's not as simple as > moving away. It is my own business within a business which I have > built up. I've lost my family, my home, my health. My independent > income is all I have left. > > Crazy landlords say : 'Hurry up and die'. Wow - at least they are > refreshingly outwardly blatently abusive!!! > > Forgiving is easy. But I recognise what you say about finding out we > have not truly forgiven. Yes, I have a stubborn resentment hiding > deep inside although I float above it with my tranquil 'forgiveness'. > > If we truly forgive then we change our energy and this is supposed to > change the other person. Once I understood my mother's condition, I > completed my forgiveness and the kaleidoscope changed. There was > probably some kind of love there. Certainly there was compassion and > recognition. > > It's only if we truly forgive OURSELVES then something shifts. Can I > truly accept myself if I see myself as someone who is only worthy of > abuse of one kind or another? Can I forgive myself for being seen by > others as an opportunity to abuse? Can I forgive myself for > perceiving in the pain of others, experiencing in their behaviour, > something which I damnably call abuse? > > How can I turn it around so that I can be aware of what is happening > but do not experience it AS abuse? > > Tibetan monks bowed to their abusers. They could not stop the abuse. > They remained sane by staying in the feeling of 'love and compassion'. > But I'm not prepared to give up any more of my life to that end. > > The abuser wants to control and dominate. I see that now. I choose > not to play the game. But, other than walking away, I don't see how. > There MUST be another way unless I am to become infinitely lonely, > alone and isolated throughout my senior years. > > > > On 14/12/2007, pjb12345uk <pho wrote: > > ---no i feel this is not what is meant at all > > yoou never allow anyone to abuse you --- > > these animalistic types will see forgiveness as weekness and exploit > > and use you --if you allow > > you ar enot sopme door mat as you should never allow anyone to treat > > u as such > > > > forgiveness is not this at all > > phill In , suej22 <suej22@> > > wrote: > >> > >> I have always 'swallowed' what came my way - thus I forgave and > > moved on. I > >> am very likely to forget. > >> > >> But the abuse continues. The disrespect continues. > >> > >> I offer the other cheek and it just gets slapped... > >> > >> How do you stop the abuse if forgiveness makes the forgiver open to > > more > >> abuse. > >> > >> Forgiveness appears to enable the abuser. > >> > >> > >> > >> On 10/12/2007, yogiguruji <yogiguruji@> wrote: > >> > > >> > Good Morning! > >> > > >> > The Power of Forgiveness > >> > > >> > " Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another " . It is > > our > >> > choice to learn to let go of a past wrong and it is our choice to > > no > >> > longer allow ourselves to be hurt by it. Remove your ego from the > >> > equation. Now look at the situation. Does it appear differently? > > As > >> > it was so eloquently stated by Henry Ward Beecher, when someone > >> > says " I can forgive, but I cannot forget " , it is only another way > > of > >> > saying, I will not forgive. > >> > > >> > Why Should We Forgive? > >> > > >> > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > >> > world is important in the healing process. It is urgent that we > >> > examine the steps that lead to justice and strengthen society. We > >> > need to understand how forgiveness improves the human condition. > > How > >> > do we choose to forgive? What are the effects of holding grudges > > and > >> > seeking revenge? We can find a way to balance our need for > > security > >> > with the potential for granting forgiveness. > >> > > >> > Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of > >> > mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace > > with > >> > others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in > >> > the future. > >> > > >> > " The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the > >> > strong. " - Mahatma Gandhi > >> > > >> > Author Larry James states " Forgiveness works! It is often > > difficult, > >> > AND it works! We often think of forgiveness as something that > > someone > >> > who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way > > of > >> > looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you > >> > focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. > > To > >> > not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer > > for > >> > what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die! " > >> > > >> > Alexander Pope once said, " To err is human; to forgive, Divine. " > >> > Believe it! > >> > > >> > Mr. James goes on to say " Forgiveness is a gift you give to > > yourself. > >> > It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not > > complicated. > >> > It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask > >> > yourself: " Am I willing to waste my energy further on this > > matter? " > >> > If the answer is " No, " then that's it! All is forgiven " . > >> > > >> > " The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing. " - > >> > George Bernard Shaw > >> > > >> > Tools For Forgiveness > >> > > >> > The need to understand the power and place of forgiveness in our > >> > world is important in the healing process. See humility as > >> > forgiveness. Your own sense of peace and contentment are born out > > of > >> > forgiveness. How and when you forgive, reflects much of the way > > you > >> > view yourself and the world around you. Consider these reasons and > >> > tools for forgiving: > >> > > >> > 1. Our ability to forgiven is in direct proportion to our ability > > to > >> > receive forgiveness. > >> > > >> > 2. When we are able to forgive all parts of ourselves, this > > allows us > >> > to be that much more perfect and whole. This in turn helps us to > >> > forgive others for any past mistakes. > >> > > >> > 3. Remember: mistakes come from good people who from time to time > >> > made some bad choices. > >> > > >> > 4. Judgments, resentments and grudges are destructive emotions. > > When > >> > left unchecked, unresolved or not under control, they can wash > > away > >> > the foundation of any relationship. > >> > > >> > 5. A wake-up call is in order! Talk it out. Resolve issues, > > disputes > >> > and misunderstanding by expressing your feelings in a calm, well > >> > thought out, civil conversation. Preferably in person. > >> > > >> > 6. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. Learn to forgive > >> > yourself by releasing your guilt. Learn to forgive others by > > letting > >> > go of your ego. > >> > > >> > 7. Remind yourself that we live in each other's hearts and when we > >> > look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we > > love > >> > ourselves more. > >> > > >> > 8. Learn to understand the relief you gain from forgiveness. > >> > > >> > 9. Step up to the plate and speak your peace. > >> > > >> > 10. Forgiving is the ultimate in acceptance of yourself and > > others. > >> > It revels a path to our true selves. > >> > > >> > " Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. " - > > Oscar > >> > Wilde > >> > > >> > Forgiveness Workbook > >> > > >> > This Forgiveness Worksheet or Life Workbook, is a great way to > > bring > >> > the power of your thoughts, good energy and a generous way to > > express > >> > your true feelings on paper. This journal can be used for writing > >> > down situations and how you have experienced them. These journals > > are > >> > good places to record your positive outlook, your goals for > > achieving > >> > a path to your truths and your daily affirmation. It can allow > > you to > >> > look at that information later for understanding inspiration and > >> > guidance. > >> > > >> > Tips for Understanding Forgiveness > >> > > >> > 1. Upon waking, write down the name of the person you are > > forgiving. > >> > Write down what it is you are forgiving them for. > >> > > >> > 2. It is a good idea to write words such as I am, I can, I will. > >> > > >> > 3. Write down your perception of the misunderstanding. > >> > > >> > 4. Jot down significant words/phrases, that signify your > > mindfulness, > >> > today. " My partner " , " my great career " , " my respect for myself and > >> > others " . > >> > > >> > 5. List what negative feelings you are still holding on to. > > Explain > >> > in your journal. > >> > > >> > 6. Now learn about the power of letting go of these feelings. > > Write > >> > down each day, something new that you find forgivenss in doing, > >> > seeing, saying, hearing... > >> > > >> > 7. Understand, it is now time to let go, which you will do > >> > by____________________. (write it down). Look at it periodically. > >> > What has positive impact on your thoughts? > >> > > >> > 8. Do you see failure as a stumbling block or a stepping stone to > >> > forgiveness? Find three things in forgiving that make it a > > stepping > >> > stone to the next level! List them now. > >> > > >> > 9. Be sure and write the time and day on the top of the page. > >> > > >> > 10. Make this journal your own! Buy or make a book that you are > > eager > >> > to go to each day. Use stickers, color, doodles that all express > > your > >> > journey to forgiving yourself and others. > >> > > >> > Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac. > >> > Peacefulmind.com > >> > Therapies for healing > >> > mind, body, spirit > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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