I GIVE UP......I JUST JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

[Guest guest]

I GIVE UP... I JUST JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

LASER INDEPENDENT NEWS SERVICE

by Larry S. Rolirad

 

I became a compassionate conservative republican today. I went to a

local republican congressman's office and they told me what I had to

do to become a compassionate conservative republican. I now support

the Iraq war and the killing of tens of thousands of innocent

people. I now like to see people being killed. Since Bush is now

talking about using nuclear weapons against terrorists I would love

to see him use them against every suspected terrorist. I don't care

if there will be millions of innocent people killed by the nuclear

explosion with nuclear fallout contaminating the entire planet.

 

I now belittle and condemn people who are poor and in need like the

Hurricane Katrina victims. Those victims deserve the misery they

have, because they are all black, poor and democratic. I now condemn

black people, because as a new compassionate conservative republican

I know they are inferior and not completely human. I now look at

them as 3/5 ths of a person like the good old days when only white

men could vote or own land. Since republicans don't believe that

judges should change the law blacks would still be slaves, blacks and

women could not vote, and only white men could own land.

 

Since I became a compassionate conservative republican I now think

that no one should help the poor. Let them starve. I now look at

poor people as inferior because if they were worth anything they

would have lots of money. I now disregard everything Jesus said

about the poor, the needy, and the hungry. I now know by being a

republican that Jesus was wrong about helping to feed and save people

in great need. As a new compassionate conservative republican I now

claim to be a Christian but yet not have to follow Jesus's philosophy

of love and peace because all I have to do is claim that I'm a member

of God's party. And like Bush, I will now claim that Jesus is my

favorite philosopher. Hey, it got him millions of votes from the

dupes who actually believed that nonsense.

 

I now believe that it is ok to satisfy my own greed and wants instead

of spending time helping others, like Bush, who went to a republican

fundraiser and played golf when the people in New Orleans were made

homeless, were drowning, were suffering, and who were drowning. I

now believe it is great to go fly fishing for three days while people

were trying to keep from drowning as the water rose all around them.

After all, that is what Dick Cheney did while people's lives were

being destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Dick Cheney even took another

few days off to spend ten million of his Halliburton money to buy

another mansion in Maryland, while he ignored the defenseless, the

frail, they elderly, the sick, and the dying. I now feel it is good

to just ignore the plight of others. After all, it would take away

from my time being greedy.

 

Speaking of greed, I now believe that we should spend unlimited

amounts of our treasury on the military, even if the money doesn't

add one dime's worth of defense to our country. I believe that our

soldiers in battle areas should have to buy their own armor to

protect themselves, because that means corrupt republican companies

can steal more money from our government. As a new republican I also

believe it is the responsiblity of the parents of our troops to spend

thousands of dollars out of their own pockets to buy armor like

bulletproof vests to protect their own children. After all, the more

money that comes out of the pockets of our troops and their parents

means that more of our taxes can be stolen by corrupt and evil

republican corporations, like Halliburton. Lastly, I believe that

the widows and parents of soldiers who are killed in Bush's Wars

should have to pay for their own body bags, caskets, and flags that

are draped over them. I also believe that the widows and parents of

soldiers Bush has murdered should have to pay to have their bodies

flown home to their distraught families. Why should the taxpayers

have to pay to return our dead soldiers? After all, republicans like

to say that our dead soldiers 'enlisted' so it is their family's

responsibility to have their dead sons and daughters returned.

 

I love being a compassionate conservative republican. Now, I only

think of myself and no one else. After all, poor people are poor

because they are all are drug addicts, bums, hobos, lazy, stupid, and

generally useless. I now believe that only the wealthy have any

worth as a person, because if a person has a lot of money that means

they all worked very hard to get their money. I don't care that the

facts state that 94 percent of the extremely wealthy inherited their

money, like all of Sam Walton's deadbeat kids. Each one of them is

worth 19 BILLION dollars. But, as a new republican, I know that

those children of the Walmart founder had to work hard to squirm out

of their mama's womb.

 

My fellow Americans, I now love being a compassionate conservative

republican. As requested by most Bush supporters who have been

critical of my past posts, I will immediately cease exercising my

First Amendment rights. I will cease exercising my rights to

assembly and to protest like that evil Cindy Sheehan did. As a

republican I know that Mrs. Sheehan even if she did have her son

killed in Bush's oil war she shouldn't have the right to protest. I

will cease exercising my right to petition the government for any

redress of grievances. I will also have the Bush regime review and

edit all of my articles before I post them for public display. And

by not exercising my rights guaranteed by our Constitution and Bill

of Rights I know I will be hurting the terrorists by playing right

into their hands.

 

I am also against having anymore elections. Since almost all of the

votes that were counted in last year's election were done by

paperless voting machines made by republican companies is there any

doubt that republicans would win most of the elections? Those

republican owned companies which made all of those voting machines

refused to disclose the software code inside of the machines so it

was easy to throw out millions of democratic votes, or count

democratic votes as republican votes.. The companies which made

those machines didn't have anything to worry about since there was no

paper trail to worry about. They could put any corrupt software code

they want to steal elections without being accountable. So since all

elections are rigged anyway then why have them at all? Does anyone

really believe that Bush won the 2004 election? Ha, ha, ha! LOL!

LMFAO! In a lot of democratic precincts where people voted 95

percent for democrats in the past, Bush " won " those precincts last

year. As a new republican I love corrupt companies running our

elections. Besides, those democrats who voted shouldn't have their

votes counted because they are all stupid anyway. Yeehaww. If we

eliminate elections I won't have to be bothered with knowing anything

about candidates or the issues. I will be able to use my mind trying

to decide what show I want to watch on my television, like Jerry

Springer and wrestling matches. Oh yeah, as a good 'family values'

republican I will now start watching Hollywood's most violent movies

many of which were made by such good republicans like violencemongers

Arnold Swartzenegger and Chuck Norris, producers of the biggest body-

count movies ever made.

 

Further, I will become a non-thinking pawn to Bush regime

propaganda. I will believe everything that they say. I will not

think. I will not question. I will not act. I will just sit back

and wave my American flag that was made by slaves in communist

China. I know now that only republicans are patriotic. I went to

Walmart today to get a bunch of American flags and I made sure they

were all made in China. But since everything in Walmart is made in

China I didn't have to do much thinking. Yes republicans, thank you

for allowing me to be a compassionate conservative republican.

 

To ensure that I can continue to be a compassionate conservative

republican I have scheduled an appointment this week to have 99

percent of my brain removed. That will lower my IQ to that of a

typical republican. After all, GW Bush can't read, write, or speak on

a third grader's level so why should I have to think beyond that

level?

 

Next, I will have almost all of my heart taken out because

republicans don't seem to have any heart or feelings for any other

human beings. That is proven by the fact that republicans are

willing to spend unlimited amounts of our hard earned tax dollars to

kill innocent people and destroy things, but not want to spend a dime

to help people or to build things. Hell, it will be easier not

having to care for anyone else. Yeee haaaa, it will be so easy being

a republican!

 

Now where is that damned remote? Now that I am a compassionate

conservative republican I have a strong urge to watch wrestling,

roller derby, Jerry Springer, Faux News, and violent cartoons.

 

 

Signed,

A Former Good American

 

Copyright 2005, LRolirad,

LASER INDEPENDENT NEWS SERVICE

 

Note: The above is a satirical view of republicans and in no way is

meant to paint all republicans with the same brush, although if rank-

n-file republicans fail to speak out against corruption and evilness

in their party they are just as guilty as their 'leaders'.