BUSH PRAISES SWIFTNESS OF HURRICANE RITA PHOTO-OPS

[Guest guest]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1225 & srch

 

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

 

 

BUSH PRAISES SWIFTNESS OF HURRICANE RITA PHOTO-OPS

But Says Government Must Create Impression of Concern Even Faster in

Future

 

In a televised speech to the nation last night, President George W.

Bush praised the Federal government for responding swiftly to

Hurricane Rita with well-crafted, high-quality photo opportunities

showing him looking concerned, but said that the government needs to

create the impression of concern even faster in the future.

 

Mr. Bush said the fact that the government provided the first images

of him looking grave and engaged in the crisis even before Hurricane

Rita slammed into the Texas and Louisiana coastline showed that it had

learned the lessons of Hurricane Katrina.

 

" After Hurricane Katrina, it was hours before the American people saw

the first photos of me furrowing my brow and looking serious, " Mr.

Bush said. " But with Rita, we had high-quality images of me looking

worried right from the get-go. "

 

While praising the swiftness of the government's photo-op response to

Rita, the president said that " much work still needs to be done " to

ensure that the government will produce high-quality post-disaster

photo-ops even faster in the future.

 

To that end, he said he was creating a new government bureaucracy, the

Federal Emergency Image Management Agency, which would provide the

president with lighting, cameras, and dramatic backdrops within

minutes of any national emergency.

 

" In times of crisis, the president needs to send the American people

the following message, " the president concluded. " Message: I look like

I care. "

 

Elsewhere, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher wed in a private ceremony

over the weekend, vowing to love, honor and obey each other longer

than Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney.