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Mark Morford: The Storm That Ate The GOP

" SF Gate Newsletters " <noteserrata

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 01:06 -0700

 

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===== Mark Morford's Notes & Errata =====

SFGate.com - Wednesday, September 14, 2005

 

The Storm That Ate The GOP

 

 

 

 

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2005/09/14/notes091405.DTL\

& nl=fix

 

The Storm That Ate The GOP

Who will pity the soulless Republican Party now that Katrina is

mauling their regime?

 

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

 

 

 

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

 

Can you hear that? That low scraping moan, that painful scream, that

compressed hissing wail like the sound of an angry alligator caught in

a vice?

 

Why, it's the GOP, and they're screaming, " No, no it can't be, oh my

God, please no, this damnable Katrina thing is just an unstoppable PR

disaster for us! "

 

After all (they wail), who woulda thought dissing all those poor black

people and letting so many of them die in filth and misery in the

Superdome while our pampered CEO president enjoyed yet another

vacation would cause such an ugly backlash, such harsh criticism of

the glorious, rich-über-alles GOP creed?

 

Who knew it would lay bare our deeply inbred agenda of social

injustice and civil neglect, and our systematic abuse of the country?

This storm thing is so not the thing we need right now because, oh my

God look, just look! We've been so golden! We've had the run of the

candy store! We have been gods among swine!

 

Can you hear them? Hastert to DeLay to Frist to Santorum to Rove to

Cheney to Bush himself, across the board and all down the snickering

party line they keen, " It's not fair! We've been planning this regime,

this overthrow for 40 years! We've worked so damn hard to drive a

wedge into the culture and an ice pick into the heart of the nation,

working like demons on meth to mangle this country's economy and sense

of pride so as to boost corporate profits and lock down our wealth and

empire! "

 

And now Katrina. And now a furious backlash we never predicted that

could very well spell the death of our wanton free-for-all gluttony.

Damn you, Mother Nature! Damn you, uppity female!

 

Just listen. Isn't that Dick Cheney, lying awake at night as the

leeches drain his soul, muttering his woes to a well-narcotized Lynne?

" Dammit, Lynney, what went wrong? We've got the House locked up and

the Senate locked up and we can cram through any law or any referendum

or toxic Patriot Act we like with next-to-zero outcry and no

discussion on the floor ... "

 

We're successfully stuffing the lower courts with hundreds of

homophobic neoconservative misogynist appointees and now we even own

the Supreme Court -- the Supreme Court, pudding-thighs! -- and even

the increasingly impotent California governor is more in our back

pocket than we imagined. We've had the whole goddamn country under our

thumb for five years, squirming like a stuck rat as we make out like

robber barons.

 

What a run we've had! We've threatened major media into numb

compliance and we run the FCC the way a pimp runs a cheap hooker and

we've got a loudmouth right-wing pundit manning nearly every

ideological outpost in every corner of the media globe while millions

of stupefied 'Murkins still believe Fox News is a genuine source of

integrity and honesty. Look at us go!

 

And don't forget, to back it all up and shore up the base, we've got

so many hate-spitting pseudo-religious bonk jobs broadcasting their

bile across roughly 1,600 militant Christian Midwestern talk-radio

shows it would make Jesus himself cringe in pain, and even that

soulless cretin Pat Robertson is comfy enough to start suggesting we

assassinate foreign leaders who dare to dis BushCo.

 

Look what we've accomplished! We launched two brutal, devastating,

unwinnable wars. We've let Osama bin Laden run happy and free for over

four years, and counting. We just passed an obscene $12.3 billion

energy bill that ensures our heroin-like dependency on foreign oil for

the next two decades while misinformed 'Murkin GIs die in Iraq

protecting us from $5 gallons of gas. Damn, we're good!

 

We torture innocent detainees in Iraq and abuse inmates at Guantánamo

and chip away at women's rights and demonize homosexuals, and we strip

the forests and gut the Clean Air Act and pollute the water and

devastate the economy and cut welfare spending (whew!), and still the

lemming people think we're gods because we keep them wrapped in fear

and a whole pile of carefully orchestrated Rove-ian lies. We are, in

short, f--ing geniuses.

 

But now, this. Now BushCo's spineless Katrina response and our party's

obvious contempt for lazy poor people who don't own SUVs and

Lockheed-Martin portfolios means Dubya's ratings have plummeted below

40, as many of his precious pet agenda items head for the Dumpster,

including the gutting of Social Security and the gutting of Medicare

and even more tax cuts for his wealthy cronies. Damn you, Mother Nature!

 

Even the media has stepped it up, taken off the kid gloves and begun

hurling angry, pointed questions at BushCo for the first time in four

years, ever since we muzzled them with one part threat and one part

Rove and all parts corporate stranglehold. Hell, the damn media was on

the ground in New Orleans within 24 hours of Katrina, beating our

untrained monkeys from FEMA by three days. Who the hell do they think

they are?

 

Ain't it a bitch? And now there are those who say the impermeable

fortress o' pain known as the GOP might just lose the South next

election due to its obvious lack of care for the lower classes, unless

we can somehow scare them poor people into not voting again, or tell

them if they vote Democrat they won't get any health care or food

stamps or relief money or any of Barbara Bush's patronizing

rich-grandma cookies. Hey, it worked last time.

 

So goes the GOP lament. Of course, it's not all bad (they say). Hell,

the oil companies are as giddy as schoolgirls at being able to falsely

jack up prices to over whopping 70 bucks a barrel, despite a recent

(temporary) glut of supply. Halliburton is squealing like Jenna Bush

at a kegger at scoring the contract to help rebuild New Orleans'

infrastructure thanks to the fact that the former head of FEMA is now

a Halliburton lobbyist, and the GOP plan to decimate FEMA and

militarize emergency efforts is going -- pardon the pun -- swimmingly.

 

But something has shifted. Something is ugly and toxic in the water.

This is what, I imagine, the GOP overlords are asking each other over

cocktails and baby seal kabobs and whale-blood transfusions: Do you

think the people are finally beginning to sense it? Are they finally

waking up? You think they know that the fact that Bush is finally

taking a modicum of responsibility for his administration's failure --

something he never, never does -- is a sign of true GOP desperation?

Do you think they recognize that BushCo isn't really spending a dime

on Katrina relief, that the $52 billion they just crammed through

Congress without any discussion isn't actually going toward repairs

and rebuilding at all?

 

You think people sense that all of it, every single dime, is going

toward -- you guessed it -- PR? Spin control? You know it's true.

Every government truck and every National Guardsman and every aid

package and every miserable FEMA agent you see is merely in place to

try and shore up Bush's miserable poll numbers, his dwindling support.

Hell, it's the only reason Bush -- or his party -- does anything for

the " good " of the nation.

 

But holy crap, it sure is expensive. It sure is annoying. It sure

takes the GOP off its game of warmongering and finger-pointing and

padding the pockets of the rich and pulverizing the economy like a ...

like a ... yes, OK, like a hurricane. Damn you, Mother Nature.

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