Catapulting the propaganda — the leadership secrets of G.W. Bush

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Thu, 25 Aug 2005 11:36:12

Catapulting the propaganda — the leadership secrets of G.W. Bush

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Catapulting the propaganda — the leadership secrets of G.W. Bush

Rich Procter, SmirkingChimp.com

 

 

August 25, 2005

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

Conservative Publisher CHARNEL HOUSE announces a premiere title for

2006 - " Catapulting the Propaganda - Leadership Secrets of G.W. Bush "

As Personally Revealed by the President to Fox News/Talon News Service

Special White House Correspondent Jack Pander.

 

This enlightening 76 page (large print, with colorable pictures)

volume reveals the following " secrets " that have made President Bush

the staggeringly brilliant genius, utterly infallible leader and

military heir to Alexander the Great all patriotic Americans know and

adore. Here's a preview of the " Secrets, " with commentary in Mr.

Bush's own words:

 

1) There's Only One Perfectly Perfect President, and I'm It.

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " A lot o' people (almost always smarty-pants

atheistic hippie-Commie left-wing hate-America-first scumbags) seem to

think I'm arrogant because I'll never admit I'm wrong. If I ever made

a mistake, I'd be the first to admit it, because I'm one humble

sumbitch, like my best-bud Jesus H. Christ. Just so happens I haven't

made any mistakes, so how can I " admit " that I did? Huh? Wasn't I

right about Saddam Hussein being behind the 9-11 attacks? Didn't I

tell ya Iraq would be a cakewalk? That's the deal with being perfect

-- I never have to change your mind, because my mind is part of me -

perfect!

 

2) Act From Your Gut, Then Blame Someone Else (And You're Never Wrong

If You Don't Admit It!)

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " Listen up, Stretch, here's how I do it. I read the

one-paragraph cut down of the summary of the abridged condensation of

the paper on the issue. Then I make up my mind - BANG! Saddam? EVIL!

KILL! And that's it. If you're with me, you're golden. If you're agin'

me, I've got a room at the Gitmo Marriott for ya. Did I mention I'm

perfect? "

 

3) Want Good Press? Hire 'Em!

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " Whoever the hell called it a 'free' press didn't

know what he was talkin' about! That colored fella...what's his name,

Armstrong Williams -- cost us $240,000! Lucky for us, the rest of the

Washington Press corps can be had for a warm handshake and a stale

donut. Bob Novak...Judy Miller...JimJeff GuckertGannon...Charlie

Krauthammer...Rove and Cheney write it, I say it, they scream it.

Works for me. "

 

4) You're Either With Me, Or You're A Smarty-Pans, Atheistic

Hippie-Commie Left-Wing Hate-America-Firster

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " See, I'm the President. America is me, and

vice-versa. If you're against me, you're against America. If you're

against America, you're a terrorist. If you're a terrorist, I'm gonna

smoke you outta your hidey-hole and kill ya. Unless you're Osama bin

Laden, cause he's too hard to catch. Too hard. Did I mention this is a

hard job?

 

But now take this Cindy Sheehan babe. As my buddy Rush Limbaugh

pointed out, how do we even know she lost her son? The liberal press

(as usual) absolutely refuses to print both sides of the Cindy Sheehan

issue. If she had a son, where is he? Oh, he " died " in " Iraq " ? How

convenient for her! Look, all we know is that she - Cindy Whatever -

is against me, America. That's why other people have got to take her

down while I remain Presidential by riding my mountain bike. "

 

5) When In Doubt, Rile the Rubes

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " Turdblossom - you know, Karl Rove -- has this great

chart in his office. Has my popularity ratings on graph paper. When we

dip below 45%, talk about the danger of homos getting' hitched. Below

40%, bring out the flag-burning amendment. Below 35%, it's time to

invade some other country. Which one? Well, I got this here special

coin. Heads, Syria. Tails, Iran.... "

 

6) It's Not Hypocrisy If You Don't Admit It!

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " This here goes back to what makes them Democrats so

crazy - that I never make a mistake. Sometimes - in secret - they call

me a hypocrite, just because I say I'm for small government but I've

increased the size of the federal budget 41%....and because I'm for

banning gay marriage, but Dick Cheney's daughter is a lezbo...that I

talk up the Army, but wouldn't let me own daughters join on a

bet...and because we blocked Clinton's judges, but demanded up or down

votes for mine...and because - well you get the idea. Well, I'm no

hypocrite. Why? Because I say I'm not. Is America a hypocrite? No. Am

I America? Yes. Therefore - you get the picture. "

 

7) The Truth Is What I Say It Is

 

PRESIDENT BUSH - " Look, here's what this 'Intelligent Design' deal is

all about - truth is what I say it is. If I say that a perfectly

perfect person like a certain yours truly is the result of Godly

creationism and not primordial ooze, take it to the bank. If I say

Saddam had WMD, let's get our war on. If I say Social Security is

goin' bankrupt, torch that sucker. How many times do I gotta say this,

Sparky? President = America. America = Perfection. Perfection = Me. Me

= President. Got it? "

 

" CATAPULTING THE PROPAGANDA " - Leadership Secrets of G.W. Bush " will

be available starting in August of 2006 exclusively at Wal-Mart

locations for either $35 dollars or a gallon of gasoline, whichever is

more at that time.

 

 

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