senior humor

[Guest guest]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

 

" Is it true, " she wanted to know, " that the medication you prescribed has

to be taken for the rest of my life? "

 

" Yes, I'm afraid so, " the doctor told her.

 

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, " I'm

wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this

prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'. "

 

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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and

he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

 

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.

 

" Yes, Dad, what is it? "

 

" Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go

well, if something happens to me .... your mother is going to come and

live with you and your wife.... "

 

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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your

age and start bragging about it.

 

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 

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Some people try to turn back their odometers.

 

Not me, I want people to know " why " I look this way.

 

I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

 

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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of

Algebra.

 

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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

 

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a

nice change from being young.

 

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Ah!, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

 

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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they

don't recognize you.

 

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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh

at when you are old.

 

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called

witchcraft..

 

Today, it's called golf

 

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A WELL PLANNED LIFE????

 

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

 

One asked the other, " You were always so organized in school,

 

Did you manage to live a well planned life? "

 

" Yes, " said her friend.

 

" My first marriage was to a millionaire;

my second marriage was to an actor;

my third marriage was to a preacher;

and now I'm married to an undertaker. "

 

Her friend asked,

 

" What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life? "

 

" One for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and four to go. "

 

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The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not

just an athlete...she is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive

Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

 

She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too

much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, .... Picabo, ICU.

 

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Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

 

The first old guy says to the second guy, " Sorry about that. I'm looking

for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. "

 

The second old guy says, " That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for

my wife, too. I can't

find her and I'm getting a little desperate. "

 

The first old guy says, " Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does

she look like? "

 

The second old guy says: " Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair,

blue eyes, long legs, big bust, and is wearing short shorts. What does

your wife look like? "

 

To which the first old guy says, " Doesn't matter, --- let's look for

yours.

 

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> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some

place expensive.

 

So I took her to a gas station!!!!!!!