Jokes - June 8

[Guest guest]

Here is an exercise program for those of us whose wisdom

exceeds our ambition. The doctor told me " Physical exercise

is good for you. " I know that I should do it, but my body is

out of shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program

I can do anywhere. If I can do it, you can do this, too.

 

Monday:

Beat around the bush.

Jump to conclusions.

Climb the walls.

Wade through paperwork.

 

Tuesday:

Drag my heels.

Push my luck.

Make mountains out of molehills.

Hit the nail on the head.

 

Wednesday:

Bend over backwards.

Jump on the bandwagon.

Balance the books.

Run around in circles.

 

Thursday:

Toot my own horn.

Climb the ladder of success.

Pull out the stops.

Add fuel to the fire.

 

Friday:

Open a can of worms.

Put my foot in my mouth.

Start the ball rolling.

Go over the edge.

 

Saturday:

Pick up the pieces.

..............................

 

A monk his entire adult life, Brother Andrew was

responsible for training new scribes in the art of copying by hand --

word for word -- the holy writs. One day an eager new

scribe, Brother Jonathan, asked if anyone had ever made a

mistake.

 

" Oh no, " said Brother Andrew. " These words have always been

correctly copied from generation to generation. " Skeptical,

Brother Jonathan asked Brother Andrew how he knew. " My

son, " said Brother Andrew as he shuffled off toward the

monastery's library, " let me get you the first volume ever

written, and you will see that it is just as correct today as it

was then. " Many hours passed. Finally Brother Jonathan

decided he had better check on the elderly monk. At the library,

he spotted Brother Andrew sitting alone in a candle-lit

corner, tears running down his wrinkled cheeks. " What's the

matter? " Brother Jonathan asked.

 

" I can't believe it, " Brother Andrew responded, his voice

quivering with emotion. " The word is celebrate.

Cel-e-BRATE! "

...................

 

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching

them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling

them to sit down and shut up.

 

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own

children.

 

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their

young.

 

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually

repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

 

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to

remind yourself that there are children more awful than your

own.

 

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting

in.

 

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose

your nursing home one day.

 

AND FINALLY:

 

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO

WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

 

" TAKE TWO ASPIRIN " AND " KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN " !!!!!

...............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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