Martha Stewart will not be dining with us

[Guest guest]

Happy Thanksgiving to

everyone!

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this

Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act

surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've

made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper

bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that

no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch

sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry

hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn

and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've

gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having

them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front

yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive

linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible,

we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a

fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from

using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa

napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit

and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be

displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted

from the finest construction paper. The artist assures

me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children

will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will

be happy to share every choice comment I have made

regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey

hotline. Please remember that most of these comments

were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the

turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will

play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children

should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal

drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously

like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.

They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver

bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end,

we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also

decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the

smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and

sit where you like.

In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children

to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next

door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person

carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative

onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner.

For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a

private ceremony. I stress " private " meaning: Do not,

under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at

me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check

on my progress. I have an electric knife. The

turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will

eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my

young diners that " passing the rolls " is not a

football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister

in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one

reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal,

and especially while in the presence of you diners, we

will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known

name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you

regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead

ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead

of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious

desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin

pie, garnished with whipped cream and small

fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or

leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this

Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year

either.

 

I am thankful.

Janet

aliases Sister Agnes,

Auntie Sinead,

Grits (Girl raised in the South)

 

----------

" May those that love us love us.

And those that do not love us,

May the good Lord turn their hearts.

And if He cannot turn their hearts,

May He turn their ankles,

So that we may know them by their limping. "

----------

Janet Keene Golden M.H., L.M.T., H.At.

2024 Kendall Avenue

Suite 4

Madison, Wisconsin 53705

608.238.9442 voice

305.847.8331 fax

AIM: LovingSense

---------

[Guest guest]

Your Thanksgiving celebrations sound fun

Ann- Scotland

ps who's Martha Stewart

 

-

Janet Golden

21 November 2001 20:33

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of you diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. I am thankful. Janet aliases Sister Agnes, Auntie Sinead, Grits (Girl raised in the South)

----------"May those that love us love us.And those that do not love us,May the good Lord turn their hearts.And if He cannot turn their hearts,May He turn their ankles,So that we may know them by their limping."----------Janet Keene Golden M.H., L.M.T., H.At.2024 Kendall AvenueSuite 4Madison, Wisconsin 53705608.238.9442 voice305.847.8331 faxAIM: LovingSense--------- My Pictures of Aromatic Plants and Exotic Places In Turkeyhttp://members.home.net/chrisziggy1/triptoturkey.html

[Guest guest]

Your Thanksgiving

celebrations sound fun

Ann- Scotland

ps who's Martha Stewart

http://www.marthastewart.com/

 

Martha Stewart has a story

like no one you know.

Among other things she was a stock broker who made

bundles of money. Then with all her talents she wrote a cookbook

the first of which no recipe would work but she now as a TV show,

designs fabrics and products for a discount store, has a magazine,

numerous books on all kinds of subjects, and on-line presence.

Martha Stewart's way appears elegant, homey, perfect, beautiful

and her goals would cause most of the people I know to hang

themselves,

develop eating disorders, or never get out of bed. My husband

reminds

me around every holiday that Martha has a staff of people to help

her

appear perfect.

Enjoy she offers many ideas.

Janet

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/21/2001 2:35:29 PM Central Standard Time, janetkgolden writes:

 

 

 

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

 

 

 

Hey GRITS, I loved it ! Sending it to all my friends. Deonia