dear wonderfully caring Luella - I'm emotionally fine

[Guest guest]

Dear ,There is NO other group where a leader cares so much about the members. I haven't been posting a lot lately because the issues don't directly affect me, so I haven't had much to say.

I'm 70, and I'm learning to Accept whatever happens. Trying to

consistently hold on to my new metaphor for my feelings about cancer.

Rather than a yoyo between living or not, my new metaphor is a spinning top. Wobbles

sometimes between joy and sorrow, anger and acceptance, fear and

courage, acceptance and resignation; someday the top will run out of

energy and run down, probably sooner than I would like. Everyone dies,

and while my body still feels energetic, I'm nearly deaf from previous

chemo, I have cancer, early Alzheimers, osteoporosis as well. Taking so many

vitamins and herbs I have written lists that I check off.

Getting tired of fighting to remain fully alive to every day. Acceptance today, not resignation or defeat. I live near Redwood Country. While all the redwoods have been cut down in nearby Redwood City, there are some third-growth redwoods within a 15 minute drive, and Muir Woods is a one-day adventure. For me, these gentle giants put life in perspective, and soothe my soul. I'm totally at peace within minutes of entering a redwood grove. They live up to 5,000 years, my moment in time is so small - why am I struggling over a blink of an eye?, they are so large, I'm an ant in the scheme of things - humbling, Besides, the air is so sweet and clean in the redwood groves. Gonna visit one next week.

I've written this before; my tumor markers started to double before

Harry got so sick. I did some things, but basically was in denial at first. Then I put my needs on the back

burner to care for him, and don't regret it one moment! I was grieving extremely heavily for Harry when he died, and needed help. The local hospice has a terrific leader of a Creative Expressions group. I went from drawing a black whirlpool to drawing a flower with new petals. This coming Saturday, I'm going to a cancer-writing group for the first time. And you remind me that there is a Creative Expressions Group at my hospital to try. ((always depends on the leaders).

I now think I put heavy grieving for Harry aside so I could get on with life without him, and also immediately start stronger anticancer activity. Now that I'm doing what I can, I AM grieving more again. It's good that I do, a reminder that at age 63 we met, and had seven wonderful years of unconditional love between us. After two failed marriages, this was immensely healing to my spirit, and I wish to continue to remember and honor our love, with gentle tears as they come.

Namaste, Rhoda

[Guest guest]

Rhoda,

Beautifully writtten...your writing is wonderfully healthy in spirit and mind.

 

Tammatha

 

-

Rhoda Mead

oleander soup

Thursday, October 16, 2008 10:21 PM

dear wonderfully caring - I'm emotionally fine

 

 

 

Dear ,There is NO other group where a leader cares so much about the members. I haven't been posting a lot lately because the issues don't directly affect me, so I haven't had much to say. I'm 70, and I'm learning to Accept whatever happens. Trying to consistently hold on to my new metaphor for my feelings about cancer. Rather than a yoyo between living or not, my new metaphor is a spinning top. Wobbles sometimes between joy and sorrow, anger and acceptance, fear and courage, acceptance and resignation; someday the top will run out of energy and run down, probably sooner than I would like. Everyone dies, and while my body still feels energetic, I'm nearly deaf from previous chemo, I have cancer, early Alzheimers, osteoporosis as well. Taking so many vitamins and herbs I have written lists that I check off. Getting tired of fighting to remain fully alive to every day. Acceptance today, not resignation or defeat. I live near Redwood Country. While all the redwoods have been cut down in nearby Redwood City, there are some third-growth redwoods within a 15 minute drive, and Muir Woods is a one-day adventure. For me, these gentle giants put life in perspective, and soothe my soul. I'm totally at peace within minutes of entering a redwood grove. They live up to 5,000 years, my moment in time is so small - why am I struggling over a blink of an eye?, they are so large, I'm an ant in the scheme of things - humbling, Besides, the air is so sweet and clean in the redwood groves. Gonna visit one next week. I've written this before; my tumor markers started to double before Harry got so sick. I did some things, but basically was in denial at first. Then I put my needs on the back burner to care for him, and don't regret it one moment! I was grieving extremely heavily for Harry when he died, and needed help. The local hospice has a terrific leader of a Creative Expressions group. I went from drawing a black whirlpool to drawing a flower with new petals. This coming Saturday, I'm going to a cancer-writing group for the first time. And you remind me that there is a Creative Expressions Group at my hospital to try. ((always depends on the leaders). I now think I put heavy grieving for Harry aside so I could get on with life without him, and also immediately start stronger anticancer activity. Now that I'm doing what I can, I AM grieving more again. It's good that I do, a reminder that at age 63 we met, and had seven wonderful years of unconditional love between us. After two failed marriages, this was immensely healing to my spirit, and I wish to continue to remember and honor our love, with gentle tears as they come.Namaste, Rhoda

[Guest guest]

New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your destination. Dining, Movies, Events, News more. Try it out!

[Guest guest]

Dearest Rhoda,

 

Your beautiful message has brought me to tears, not to mention your love

story with Harry. You finally found your soulmate and that is the most

magnificent gift life can give. Please know that death in no way breaks

the bonds of love. We live in a really big universe, not just this

world. And Harry is by no means gone. Somewhere, he is living a new

life and in our vast quantum universe your paths may very well cross

again. We don't live in a spec of time. We are like the Redwoods. In

essence, we are souls and a soul never dies. It goes on.

 

Frankly, life in this world isn't certain for anyone. What is the

saying? God doesn't promise you tomorrow. We just never know, and I

have had friends and loved ones who woke up in the morning not having a

clue that by the time the sun set that day, they would be in another

world. It's just the scheme of things.

 

But that being said, I am so glad that you are focusing on your healing,

not only physically, but emotionally. Please let me know how your day

at the Creative Expressions Group goes and as I write this, you may be

there now. Please know that my thoughts are with you.

 

Lastly, we have had many miracles in this group. Two that come to mind

are Toya and Mary Anne. Both were latest and severe stages of cancer.

Both are improving marvelously day by day. You have not been taking

oleander for a very long time. And you are taking all the proper

healing steps, again, both physically and emotionally. And yes, I do

understand the wide range of emotions, joy, anger, sadness, even fear.

Yet, in you I see a beautiful strength.

 

Please know that we are here for you, we love and support you and I am

waiting to hear your miracle story.

 

Namaste my friend........ From my heart to yours,

 

 

 

oleander soup , " Rhoda Mead " <hummingbird541

wrote:

>

> *Dear ,

> There is NO other group where a leader cares so much about the

members.

>

> I haven't been posting a lot lately because the issues don't directly

> affect me, so I haven't had much to say.*

>

> * I'm 70, and I'm learning to Accept whatever happens. Trying to

> consistently hold on to my new metaphor for my feelings about cancer.

Rather

> than a yoyo between living or not, my new metaphor is a spinning top.

> Wobbles sometimes between joy and sorrow, anger and acceptance, fear

and

> courage, acceptance and resignation; someday the top will run out of

energy

> and run down, probably sooner than I would like. Everyone dies, and

while my

> body still feels energetic, I'm nearly deaf from previous chemo, I

have

> cancer, early Alzheimers, osteoporosis as well. Taking so many

vitamins and

> herbs I have written lists that I check off.

> Getting tired of fighting to remain fully alive to every day.

Acceptance

> today, not resignation or defeat.*

> * I live near Redwood Country. While all the redwoods have been cut

down

> in nearby Redwood City, there are some third-growth redwoods within a

15

> minute drive, and Muir Woods is a one-day adventure. For me, these

gentle

> giants put life in perspective, and soothe my soul. I'm totally at

peace

> within minutes of entering a redwood grove. They live up to 5,000

years, my

> moment in time is so small - why am I struggling over a blink of an

eye?,

> they are so large, I'm an ant in the scheme of things - humbling,

Besides,

> the air is so sweet and clean in the redwood groves. Gonna visit one

next

> week.

>

> I've written this before; my tumor markers started to double

before

> Harry got so sick. I did some things, but basically was in denial at

first.

> Then I put my needs on the back burner to care for him, and don't

regret it

> one moment!

> I was grieving extremely heavily for Harry when he died, and

needed

> help. The local hospice has a terrific leader of a Creative

Expressions

> group. I went from drawing a black whirlpool to drawing a flower with

new

> petals. This coming Saturday, I'm going to a cancer-writing group for

the

> first time. And you remind me that there is a Creative Expressions

Group at

> my hospital to try. ((always depends on the leaders).

>

> I now think I put heavy grieving for Harry aside so I could get on

with

> life without him, and also immediately start stronger anticancer

activity.

> Now that I'm doing what I can, I AM grieving more again. It's good

that I

> do, a reminder that at age 63 we met, and had seven wonderful years of

> unconditional love between us. After two failed marriages, this was

> immensely healing to my spirit, and I wish to continue to remember and

honor

> our love, with gentle tears as they come.

>

> Namaste, Rhoda*

>