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Dear Dogs and Cats (funny)

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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

 

Dear Dogs and Cats,

 

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The

other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print

in

the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it

becoming your

food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the

slightest.

 

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating

me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because

I fall

faster than you can run.

 

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry

about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to

ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they

sleep. It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out

to the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out

and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing

but

sarcasm.

 

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If

by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is

not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw

under

the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same

door I

entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or

feline

attendance is not required.

 

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's

butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

 

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on

our

front door:

 

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

 

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don 't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture.

(That's why they call it " fur " niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter

who

is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

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