My bipolar recovery story as of June 2004

[Guest guest]

Dear group:

 

What follows is my bipolar recovery story, one that

was written in June 2004. A few months after this

story was written my son Willy began using nutritional

supplements and other natural measures to cure himself

of childhood bipolar disorder. I have to admit that I

did learn from what my son Willy did to effect his

bipolar recovery (his " baggie " of synergistic

nutrients greatly helped me). If I was to have the

computer time to rewrite my recovery story, it would

be amended by lessons that I learned from advising my

son.

 

Allen Darman

 

 

A Synopsis of a Natural Recovery from Manic Depression

and Some of the Lessons that I Have Learned

 

By Allen Darman

 

Soon after I was first diagnosed with manic depression

in June of 1994, I soon realized that the likelihood

of my ever becoming truly well from this condition was

almost not non-existent. I also realized that my

chances of ever becoming well from manic depression

were perhaps far less than that of most persons. This

realization stemmed from the facts that (1) my true

bipolar onset was in 1963 as an eleven year old child

(amazingly I had avoided the medical model for over

three decades despite very substantial symptoms), (2)

over the thirty one years prior to my initial

diagnosis I had already had hundreds of episodes of

either very substantial mania or severe depression,

and (3) I was not responding well to lithium at all,

as even on 900 mg. my hands shook uncontrollably and I

lost a great deal of reading comprehension and general

mental acuity.

 

In essence, if anyone knew the truth of my

circumstances in 1994, as well as knew the truth of my

prior life experiences for the past three decades, I

was not a person that was ever going to get better

from manic depression. It was hopeless, or so even I

had thought. Despite such hopelessness, I have always

been a person that does not like being told that

something is impossible. In July of 1994, I will

always remember telling a very close bipolar friend of

mine with tears in my eyes " if there is any way out of

this trap [manic depression]. I am going to everything

that I can to find it [for both of us]. " This single

statement has defined the last ten years of my life.

 

It is now June of 2004. For a little over four years,

I have been able to completely control any manic

depressive symptoms in myself, when I so choose to use

my profound understanding of the true common causes

this illness and/or when I have the means to afford

optimal nutritional and other natural supplementation.

And for a few years prior to June 2000, I was very

close to knowing then what I know today.

 

I have not taken a single psychotropic medicine since

September of 1997. Nor have I needed to take any

medication since this time in order to control the

symptoms of my illness. In November 1997, about five

months after I had started to use psychotropic

nutrients such as amino acids and use other natural

measures as well, I had gained much greater control

over my biochemistry and behavior than any drug that

my psychiatrist had ever given me for manic

depression.

 

What follows is the story of my recovery from an often

devastating mental illness, an illness that most

persons still erroneously consider incurable.

 

From the time I was first diagnosed with manic

depression in June 1994 until I made a successful

transition off of medication by using amino acids and

other natural measures, I was prescribed and took the

following medications for various periods of time;

lithium, Depakote, Elavil, Zoloft, Serzone, Paxil,

Ambien, Xanex, and Klonopin.

 

Neither mood stabilizer worked well for me. I took

lithium in various dosages for about eight months.

Lithium made me " a zombie " in 1200 mg. and 900 mg.

dosages. I could not resolve hand trembling at these

dosages as well. On lower dosages of 600 mg. and 300

mg. of lithium my mania recurrently, if not easily,

broke through. Lithium did not seem to help my

depressive states at all. My manic states rather

easily blew through Depakote like it was water.

 

I slept sixteen hours a day on what I believe was only

a 50 mg. dosage of Elavil. This medication clearly did

not work out well for me. I was only prescribed Paxil

and Serzone for a very short period of time (about a

week) during one hospitalization that I had in July of

1996 for severe depression. Paxil and Serzone, in

combination with Depakote, shut my small intestines

down such that they nearly burst. I nearly died from

this unusual drug combination of an SSRI

antidepressant, a tricyclic antidepressant, and

Depakote, all given at the same time (as it caused

this intestinal shutdown, a medical condition with a

name that is something like " paralytic illeus " ).

 

Ambien helped me a little to sleep, but on even a

" double dose " of this I could often only get three

hours rest, which was not nearly enough sleep when I

was manic, and I was manic quite a bit in the late

80's though mid 1997. Often Sominex, an over the

counter sleep remedy, would give me just as much sleep

as Ambien, if not a bit more.

 

When I was first prescribed Xanex in December of 1995,

this medication was a godsend for me. Finally I had

found a chemical substance that would knock me out.

Xanex was the first medication that I ever took that

allowed me to get enough sleep such that my manic

states did not " go over the top " . I was not taking a

mood stabilizer at this time, so getting enough sleep

was critical to me, and Xanex did the trick. However,

within three months of my first taking Xanex, I had an

adverse reaction to it (very blurred vision in one

eye) on only .875 mg, a very low dose for most

persons. As a result of this adverse reaction, I had

to cease taking Xanex immediately. Perhaps needless to

say, I had a fairly manic March of 1996 after I

abruptly had to cease taking Xanex, as I could hardly

sleep at all.

 

Of all the medications that I ever took for manic

depression, two of them helped me substantially for

fairly significant lengths of time. The first of these

medications was Zoloft. When I first took Zoloft in

the fall of 1992, this medication lifted me out of a

three and a half month bout with severe depression in

about two weeks. The whole world looked rosy to me

when I first took Zoloft. I could not believe the

change. As suicidial and as ignorant of depression as

I was at the time, Zoloft may have actually saved my

life. For this I am very thankful. However, towards

the end of my time on medication, even twice as much

Zoloft as I had always responded to did not seem to

help me out of severe depression at all.

 

In September of 1996, I decided to begin to take a few

vitamins and minerals in an attempt lift myself out of

a current state of deep depression. This was the first

depressive state I ever had that had not responded

well to Zoloft. Within a few weeks of starting to take

vitamins and minerals to help my mood state for the

first time, I knew that these nutrient substances had

made a huge difference. And finally, after months of

feeling really blue, I was not depressed.

 

The second medication that I took for manic depression

that helped me substantially was Klonopin. After I had

an adverse reaction to Xanex in February of 1996 and

had to stop taking it, I went though a fairly manic

month or so. I was in real trouble at this point. I

simply could not sleep well in March of 1996 without

some sort of powerful chemical assistance. Whenever I

could not sleep enough my manic state escalated rather

quickly into severe mania. After reading a number of

books and talking to a few other persons, I asked my

psychiatrist for a trial of Klonopin, despite the fact

that I had already had a negative reaction to another

benzodiazapine medication. Reluctantly he agreed. I

went on Klonopin in April of 1996. Klonopin was also a

godsend for me. It bought me 18 months of being able

to sleep at least enough so that I did not end up in

the hospital for severe mania, and/or burn up any more

serious money from being really manic. Even though I

only got about four and a half to five hours or so of

sleep on Klonopin, and in the end I had to have a few

beers with 2 mg. of Klonopin in order to really go

down at night, at least I could sleep long enough and

deep enough so that in the morning when I woke up I

was no longer really manic. I used to actually get up

sluggish in the morning, what I called " a Klonopin

hangover " , but by the end of that same day, I was

often pretty zippity again... manic enough that I

could not fall asleep and sleep well at all without

either Klonopin or a combination of Klonopin and

alcohol. I took Klonopin daily from April 1996 until

September of 1997. I became clearly and knowingly

addicted to Klonopin, not knowing a better answer to

control my manic depressive tendencies at the time.

 

As result of my initial success with using some

vitamins and minerals to help resolve depression in

myself in September 1996, I began to experiment with

other nutrients, despite the fact I was still on, and

still really needed to take, Klonopin. In November of

1996, I began taking a potassium supplement. At this

time, I was running on the high side (hypomanic), but

I was not out of control. I was just running faster

than the norm, but I was still lucid and quite

functional. Either the very first day or the second

day that I took potassium, I knew that just the simple

mineral potassium made my manic state noticeably more

elevated (worse). I immediately stopped taking

potassium. My interest in nutrients grew immensely at

this point. How could just a simple potassium

supplement make my manic states worse? And if

potassium made my manic states worse, I wondered would

potassium help my depressive states? A few months

later, in January of 1997, I found out. Potassium

clearly made my depressed state in January of 1997

better, almost as much as Zoloft had done, but it did

so much quicker. How could this be? I remember

thinking at this time " how could such simple and

elemental nutrients be ignored by the doctors that

treat mental illness? " Perhaps needless to say, I soon

began to experiment with nutrients even more.

 

In May of 1997, I began to take my first amino acid,

the excitatory amino acid tyrosine. I took 500 mg. of

tyrosine in the morning, with the odd collection of

vitamins and minerals I had already determined as

helpful to me over the past nine months or so. I was

feeling pretty good at the time, not too manic, and

not at all depressed. I did not notice the effect of

tyrosine on me until the bottle ran out and I did not

bother to replace it. Within a week of my not taking

tyrosine, I realized that I had sunk day by day from a

fairly stable and functional state to a state of

serious, if not severe, depression. As I lay in my bed

in early July of 1997, I wondered why? Why was I

depressed? Life was clearly going very well for me at

this point in my life. I had no triggers, no

stressors, such that I should feel depressed unless my

depressive onset was simply chemical in nature. I

finally realized as I lay thinking in my bed that it

was the fact that I had run out of tyrosine that I was

depressed. I theorized that whatever tyrosine was

making in my brain had become depleted. I also

guessed, and guessed correctly, that whatever tyrosine

was making in my brain was necessary for me to not

feel depressed. (I later learned that tyrosine is the

nutrient precursor to dopamine and norepinephrine, two

key excitatory neurotransmitters. I also learned that

tyrosine can either cause or contribute to a manic

state, if a bipolar person takes too much tyrosine for

their biochemistry at the moment. One needs to learn

how to use inhibitory nutrients before taking tyrosine

if they are bipolar... see below.)

 

As I did not have any tyrosine in the house, and it

was Sunday night such that I could not just go to the

health food store and just buy some more, I took some

(nine grams in aggregate) of multi-amino acid tablets

I had just recently ordered but had yet to take for

the first time. Then I took my Klonopin, had a beer or

two, and went to bed. Eight hours later, I woke up

manic as hell. I could not believe what had happened

to me. I had gone from a state of very serious

depression to very severe mania within eight hours,

simply as the result of amino acid ingestion. This was

absolutely amazing to me. I repeated the same mistake

a week later, with virtually the same result.

 

At this point in my life (July of 1997), I immediately

knew the enormous social and scientific significance

of what had just happened to me. I also immediately

signed up to be " a guinea pig " for the rest of world

in regard to what nutrients can do to correct manic

depression. I was going to research and take every

nutrient that I possibly could in an attempt to

discover what it might teach me about correcting my

condition of chemical imbalance. Soon after this, when

I knew just a little bit more, I also decided to

research every common impairment to essential nutrient

delivery in the human species, as it was clear to me

from the standpoints of both simple logic and my own

self experience that these common nutrient impairment

issues were often the true common causes of manic

depression. In my opinion, this simple logic has been

anecdotally proven to be correct, not only for myself,

but also for a number of other persons that are

bipolar as well.

 

My first discovery about how to use nutrients was that

I discovered that it is " a must " from the standpoint

of safety that a bipolar person learns how to use

inhibitory nutrients before they start using

excitatory ones, such as tyrosine or phenylalanine.

Excitatory nutrients can easily cause bipolar persons

to become hypomanic, manic, or severely manic within

hours of their ingestion. If you are bipolar you

definitely don't want this to happen without having an

answer in place beforehand. Inhibitory nutrients such

as inhibitory amino acids can both counteract and

balance excitatory ones. Inhibitory nutrients, when

used properly, can resolve a manic state. Inhibitory

nutrients, in combination with other natural measures,

seem to take mania completely out of the equation if

these nutrients are used properly on a daily basis.

 

In August of 1997, I began to use inhibitory

nutrients, completely ceasing my use of excitatory

nutrients temporarily due to my recognition of their

dangers without having an antidote (knowledge of how

to use inhibitory nutrients).

 

Within a month, by taking a combination of inhibitory

nutrients I was able to get off of 18 months of daily

Klonopin usage completely without any difficult

withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. The three generally

amino acids of taurine, GABA, and tryptophan were the

heart of my inhibitory cocktail at this time. These

three amino acids, along with a few vitamin and

mineral cofactors, were giving me the best sleep of my

entire adult life within a month of my first taking

them.

 

Incidentally, the three amino acids of taurine, GABA,

and tryptophan happen to be the very same amino acids

that were helpful to Margot Kidder in regard to sleep

and inhibition. In case you are not aware of this,

Margot Kidder is an actress that overcame her own

diagnosis of bipolar disorder via solely natural

means. Taurine, GABA, and tryptophan also happen to be

the same three amino acids that Julia Ross speaks

about using successfully for inhibition in her book

The Mood Cure. To the best of my knowledge, Margot

Kidder, Julia Ross, and I all reached similar

conclusions on these three amino acids independently

of each other. Although it is true that any one person

can respond positively or negatively to any individual

amino acid, and therefore this inhibitory amino acid

regime is clearly not for everyone, it appears rather

remarkable to me that three persons independently of

each other all found these same three amino acids as

being useful to either themselves or their clients.

 

September of 1997 marked the last time that I have

ever needed or wanted to take any medication

whatsoever to control mania or depression in myself.

Nutrients and other natural measures not only " did the

job much better " than any medication that I ever

took for my illness, nutrients and other natural

measures also did the job much faster as well. Amino

acids often work within a single hour, sometimes they

need a single day, and rarely do amino acids need more

than a handful of days to effect profoundly positive

mood change. This should perhaps not be surprising, as

roughly 99 out of the 100 or so known

neurotransmitters are primarily amino acid based, as

well as amino acids represent nearly ¾ of the

functional chemistry in the body, once the water is

taken out.

 

By January of 1998, I realized that manic depression

was often simply the result of a sub-clinical

malabsorption syndrome, of which allergic and toxic

issues were nearly always involved as well. At this

time I also realized that (1) multiple hidden food

allergies, (2) intestinal dysbiosis issues (dysbiosis

essentially means candida and other yeasts, various

problematic bacteria, and/or parasites, (3) a possible

lack of digestive enzymes, (4) a possible lack of HCL

(stomach acid), (4) excessive cooked food intake, (5)

a lack of nutrients in our depleted soils, and (6)

stress (which is always biochemically depleting no

matter what the source) were all issues that were

either causative or contributory factors in my

illness.

 

Of the aforementioned six factors, I sensed that

multiple hidden food allergies and intestinal

dysbiosis were often the primary issues to address in

almost any person that is bipolar. It appears that

these two factors are often the root cause of bipolar

disorder in many of those thus afflicted.

 

Incidentally, other persons besides myself, many of

them doctors or professional health care providers,

believe that hidden food allergy and intestinal

dysbiosis issues are often major, if not primary,

causative factors underlying both ADHD and alcoholism

as well. In addition to this, hidden food allergy

and/or intestinal dysbiosis issues are strongly

implicated by alternative medicine as a whole as being

either causative or contributory to the symptoms of

various other mental and physical maladies such as

autism, schizophrenia, anxiety, fibromyalgia,

migraines, and arthritis.

 

Over the past six years or so I have added a few more

common malabsorptive factors to the conceptual

overview reflected above. One of these malabsorptive

factors is the possibility of inadequate hydration.

Adequate water intake apparently helps with nutrient

absorption in the small intestines. A second possible

malabsorptive factor that I have added over time is

inadequate physical movement in regard to the

abdominal area. We humans were apparently designed to

walk far more that our modern lifestyle dictates we

do. This physical movement helps the intestinal area

to work as well as it should, and it apparently helps

nutrient absorption.

 

Despite my later realizations, for the most part the

general conceptual overview that I developed in late

1997 is pretty much the same one that I am still using

to remain well today. The general principle underlying

this conceptual overview is " any factor that impairs

adequate nutrient absorption into the body is a factor

that can either directly cause or greatly contribute

to the symptoms of manic depression " . And the general

principal that " cures " bipolar disorder is " any and

all common factors which impair nutrient delivery into

the body are both fairly readily identifiable and

adequately correctable in any person that may have

them " .

 

Worthy of note here is that there appears to be a

number of alternative practitioners that are either

unaware themselves or that wish to take advantage of

some of their patients that may be unaware for the

purpose of fiscal gain. You do not need any doctor

whatsoever to determine your hidden food allergies. No

laboratory test whatsoever is accurate enough to

determine someone's food allergies or food

intolerances. You only need to go on an elimination

diet that is performed by you at home. Yet, perhaps

tens of thousands of hidden food allergy tests of

various sorts are still being recommended and

prescribed to patients yearly by many practitioners of

alternative medicine. You also do not need any

laboratory tests whatsoever to determine candida or

other intestinal dysbiosis issues in yourself as well.

Simply dosing up slowly until you reach a therapeutic

dosage level (that shows solid results both in the

toilet and in your general bowel habits) with a

probiotic such as powdered Primal Defense is all that

is necessary to determine if candida and " bad

bacteria " in the GI tract were a major problem for

you prior to taking Primal Defense. And parasite

testing is both known to be quite inaccurate and

non-inclusive (it can miss a lot). An herbal parasitic

regime administered by yourself at home such as that

recommended by Dr. Hulda Clark or the website

www.curezone.com is far better than using any

laboratory testing and/or medication whatsoever to

resolve the issues of parasites if this issue applies

to you. In addition, you don't need either a doctor or

any testing whatsoever to resolve the possible lack of

digestive enzymes in yourself. Trial use of a powerful

enzyme preparation such as DigestEnz, slowly dosing up

while monitoring the effect in yourself is good simple

advice that anyone can follow at home to determine if

they may lack an adequate production of digestive

enzymes in order to digest meals well. This can

without the services or advice of any doctor

whatsoever. And the trial use of HCL an hour or so

after taking digestive enzymes when you eat a meal (if

you are using such), dosing up slowly while monitoring

the effect in yourself is good simple advice that

anyone can follow at home to determine possible

stomach acid deficiency in his or her self. This can

also be done without the services or advice of any

doctor whatsoever. Although the information contained

in this paragraph is not nearly thorough enough to

fully resolve these common malabsorptive issues of

hidden food allergy, intestinal dysbiosis, a possible

lack of digestive enzymes, and a possible lack of HCL,

I think that you, the reader, may have a solid sense

of where I am going here. " YOU CAN, IF NOT MUST, CURE

YOURSELF " of manic depression for the most part. And

you can do so without getting a lot of expensive

and/or marginally useful (if not useless) laboratory

tests to do so.

 

Going back to my story....

 

During 1998 and 1999, it became clear to me that the

broad biochemical deficiency that manic depression not

only effects the brain, it also effects the liver, the

pancreas, the thyroid gland, the adrenal glands, etc.

Every organ and cell in the body is essentially

starving for functional nutrition in order for it to

perform properly when one is bipolar.

 

And during 1998 and 1999, I also realized that most of

the efforts to correct manic depression via natural

means should be targeted towards correcting GI tract

dysfunction, and not just targeted toward correcting

the function of the brain itself. The brain is simply

" a trailing secondary organ to primary gut events " .

Gut status and brain status are far more closely

connected than most persons realize.

 

Since September of 1997, when I first read the classic

alternative medicine books Depression - Cured At Last

by Dr. Sherry Rogers and The Way Up From Down by Dr.

Priscilla Slagle (two books that greatly taught me the

concepts in the conceptual model discussed above), I

have picked through and picked through this newer

alternative medicine reality, refining, validating,

and/or improving on its great new truths.

 

I should perhaps mention here that I am of the opinion

that newer alternative medical reality as generally

represented by Dr. Sherry Rogers, Dr. Priscilla

Slagle, Joan Matthews Larson, Patrick Holford, Dr.

Charles Gant, Jerry Rubin, Elizabeth Lipski, Julia

Ross and a number of other doctors and practitioners

today is probably going to replace many of the older

concepts and treatments of alternative medicine.

Doctors such as Dr. Abram Hoffer (a man that is

admittedly a true hero in my eyes nonetheless) and Dr.

William Walsh are still espousing some older

orthomolecular concepts and alternative treatments as

" the highest degree of alternative medical truth " .

Perhaps they are right. Only time will tell here.

However, my life experience (an experience which has

included taking well over 120,000 capsules of various

supplements since mid-1997), my hundreds of informal

self trials of intentionally inducing and then

correcting bipolar symptoms (especially depression),

and the great deal of research I have done since mid

1997 has led me to disagree with these doctors for the

most part. I disagree with them in regard to their (1)

general conceptual misunderstanding of my illness, (2)

their incorrect focus in treating bipolar disorder as

a result of point (1), and in regard to many of the

treatments that they either recommend or miss

recommending (when I feel such treatments are often

necessary).

 

In stating the above, I do not mean to demean the

individual, if not heroic, efforts of Dr. Hoffer, Dr.

Walsh and other doctors of the same genre in any way

whatsoever. However, it strongly appears to me that a

newer conceptual model of mental illness and its

proper treatment is replacing an older one inside the

arena of alternative medicine, even if allopathic

medicine is not considered here at all. I am a person

that concurs with this newer conceptual alternative

understanding. This newer understanding seems to have

begun to blossom over the last six years or so, an

event to which we all perhaps owe special thanks to

Dr. Sherry Rogers for her absolutely brilliant thought

and her rather prolific writing. Dr. Rogers was by far

my greatest teacher, despite her not knowing how to

use amino acids therapeutically at all. (Knowledge of

amino acid use was knowledge that I found was key for

me in order to properly resolve my illness, and for

this knowledge I had to go elsewhere.)

 

By early 2000, after many years of great effort, a

hundred or so books, hundreds of conversations with

other persons, many thousands of miles driven, and

many tens of thousands of dollars spent, for all

ostensible purposes I realized how I could always

correct mania and depression in myself by solely using

natural means. At this point in time, I could avoid

any and all symptoms of my illness whenever I desired

to. I could hit a " biochemical 10 " day after day and

month after month at will if I so chose to do so. For

me a " biochemical 10 " means that I exhibit an aura of

deep mental and physical wellness that is rather

obvious to anyone that sees me. When I am a

" biochemical 10 " I live in the present. I feel great

each and every moment that I am awake; and I am not

manic at all, nor am I depressed at all as well. Very

few " normal persons " without any psychiatric diagnosis

whatsoever appear to feel nearly as well as I do or

are as mood stable as I am when I am a " biochemical

10 " as I define this to be in myself.

 

Once I knew that I could hit a " biochemical 10 " at

will whenever I wished to do so, I did something

rather unusual, but with a number of reasons behind

it. I often settled for a degree of wellness that was

far less than a 10, a situation that is still true

today. One reason for this is that for me to be a

" biochemical 10 " cost quite a bit of money

supplement-wise (between $400 to $500 a month), a cost

that I could not always afford. A second reason for

this is that to be a 10 I had to always avoid quite a

few foods that were constantly being put in front of

me by either family or friends. Rather than always

refuse them, I'd simply eat a food that I knew that I

would react to negatively to some extent, and then I

would test treatment methodology (clear this food out

the next day or the day after by using high dosage

bentonite and psyllium). And the third reason, and by

far the most important one, is that if I stayed a 10

month after month, my ability to continue to learn by

trial and error and my ability to test or refine

better treatments for my illness was completely lost.

I was, and still am, willing to sacrifice my optimal

own wellness for the sake of learning and for the sake

of others. Few persons understand or accept this, but

that is their problem, not mine.

 

Since the fall of 1997, I have not been trying all of

the supplements and natural measures that I have

simply to achieve my own wellness. I have been

attempting to learn all that I can about my illness in

order to make a contribution to the general

understanding of my ill. I have been willingly and

intentionally sacrificing my own optimal health and

wellness in order to help other persons that still

suffer. For the past seven years I have often been

intentionally sloppy with my natural wellness regime.

I have intentionally ingested my known food allergens

at least a few hundred times, if not more. I have

often intentionally caused or aggravated intestinal

dysbiosis issues in myself as well (by a high sugar

diet). In doing so, I have intentionally caused manic

depressive symptoms in myself, often to the point of

severity. My goals in doing this were to test,

validate, and/or refine my preexisting knowledge. As a

concrete example here, I have intentionally induced

and then corrected depression at will in myself within

a day or two over a hundred times since August of

1999, the point in which I first realized that I could

do so. I did not mind doing this at all, as it is my

sincere belief that I was and still am developing a

" world changing degree of knowledge " .

 

Since early 2000, I can quite literally create and

then correct a rather incredible range of depressive

symptoms in myself by using only natural means from

within a matter of a handful of hours to a matter of

three or four days. I can also create and then correct

a significant degree of manic symptoms in myself by

using only natural means within a matter of hours to a

matter of days at will as well. Admittedly, despite

the fact that I have been severely manic a few hundred

times in my life between 1963 and 1996, it is

extremely hard for me to become much more that

seriously hypomanic at this point in time, and to do

so can take me well over a month. I have simply

corrected my biochemistry chemistry too much these

past seven years or so to get severely manic any more

without a great deal of time and effort. Although I

can get hypomanic readily at will by taking a high

dose of excitatory amino acids along with some vitamin

and mineral cofactors, this state does not last longer

than a matter of hours, and it appears to always be

completely self corrective without any further

intervention whatsoever. This is quite a contrast to

my manic states years ago, in which my seriously

hypomanic states had a strong tendency to continue to

escalate to the point of severe mania. Conversely, I

can simply eat right (which means avoiding my food

allergens and eating a diet that is good for me), take

care of my gut properly such that it is always

absorptive and has a low level of toxins, and

supplement my biochemistry as necessary. In doing so,

I suffer no symptoms of manic depression whatsoever.

 

I have found few persons understand or accept what I

am attempting to do in the above. I have also found

that many persons are either awful quick to criticize

me or they try to discredit me with others for not

being completely well at all times. They either do not

realize or do not accept that all of what I have been

doing for a number of years and am still doing today

in regard to my being well or my becoming sick is

often intentional for the purpose of learning more

about my illness. And if my being sick is not

intentional, it is just that I have become too

fiscally impoverished to be able to remain optimal at

all times. I simply conserve my supply of costly

supplements to be optimally well when the need arises.

However, given adequate fiscal means to do so, and a

valid reason (or reasons) to be optimally well, I can

be such at all times. This has been the case since

April 2000, if not a few months sooner.

 

If the truth was actually known, by any valid

measurement whatsoever, I have quite literally " cured

myself of over three decades of severe symptoms of

manic depression " . I do not know it all about manic

depression. Some persons are very likely to be more

right that I am on some of the details concerning this

illness. However, as a result of both my recovery and

my research, it seems entirely possible to me that I

have may have developed a " Nobel Prize winning level

of understanding " of my illness. No, I do not expect

to win this prize, and yes, such a thought does smack

of manic delusion. I simply state such to give the

reader a sense of where I honestly think I am here.

Regardless of whether I am intentionally mildly

depressed, severely depressed, of normal mood,

hypomanic, or I happen to be a " biochemical 10 " at

the moment, I have waken up each and every single day

for more than four years knowing that the fact that I

may have developed a " Nobel Prize winning level of

understanding " of manic depression is very probably

the truth. I do realize that no one as yet believes in

either my representations or me personally. However, I

also realize that it is extremely likely that no one

on earth as yet has a clue as to how to methodically

and adequately resolve a state of severe depression in

his or her self in a period of time that averages as

little as eight to twelve hours, assuming that they

have an empty stomach prior to initiating treatment.

 

I have realized for quite some time that for many

millions of other bipolar persons it is inevitable

that medication use to control manic depression is

going to be found pointless, if not seriously

counterproductive to their true recovery. No

medication ever invented can correct a substantial

degree of essential nutrient deficiency. And fairly

broad essential nutrient deficiency is clearly a very

major part of what manic depression is truly all

about. Medication, despite its ability to often

successfully mask the symptoms of manic depression, is

also successfully masking the real truth about the

true causes and corrections of this state of

biochemical imbalance, a state of imbalance that

involves far more nutrient deficiency than nutrient

excess.

 

Despite my saying the above, I am not entirely

anti-medication. I am anti-symptom. Medication use is

often a very valid steppingstone to true wellness.

Medication use is still very justified until the new

reality of how to cure manic depression via natural

means is better worked out such that it can be widely

and safely applied to other persons. Unfortunately,

this latter event may take quite some time. This is

because current medical research and medical practice

is totally deaf to those of all of us that have either

cured ourselves of this devastating illness or have

made very substantial progress in this direction, and

it has been deaf to us for years. It is perhaps far

too much of an embarrassment to the current medical

model that a number of fairly simple and fairly basic

biological facts, when they are coupled together

successfully as I have done, will often totally cure

decades of severe symptoms of manic depression. Or

perhaps this medical model and the pharmaceutical

model underlying it is making way too much money, an

income that they don't want to lose if we all become

well. Or perhaps persons will ask, " If manic

depression is fully correctable with nutrients and

other natural measures, what other illnesses can be

corrected via similar natural means as well? "

 

If the real truth becomes known, perhaps almost every

illness, both mental and physical, is going to be

found to benefit far more from over the counter

nutrients purchased in a health food store (or over

the internet) than any medication that was ever

invented. This latter truth has to scare modern

medicine to death, as many doctors may lose their

million dollar houses, their $50,000 cars, and

anything else that may need their high incomes from

dispensing medications, many of which are ultimately

going to be found to be obsolete. This finding that

the majority of medications are rather pale compared

to the power of essential nutrients (applied properly)

may take ten years to happen, it may take twenty years

to happen, but it IS going to happen. The truth of the

power of nutrients vs. the weakness of medication is a

truth that is just far too powerful, and just way too

obvious, to ignore much longer.

 

I know the real truth as represented in the above in a

very real and deeply heartfelt way.

 

I know the real truth of the power of nutrients vs.

the weakness of medicines partially as the result of

my personally taking well over 120,000 capsules or

tablets of various vitamins, minerals, amino acids,

essential fatty acids, probiotics, digestive enzymes,

accessory nutrients, and other natural supplements

since mid 1997. At least 80,000 of these were capsules

of individual or blended amino acids... which happen

to be " great teachers " of how both human biochemistry

and the GI tract work from a practical standpoint.

Such massive supplementation is not necessary to

correct manic depression. However, this massive

supplementation was necessary for me in order to

perform many hundreds of informal self trials over the

past six years as " a guinea pig for the rest of the

world " in order to discover much of significance

about my illness.

 

I also know the real truth partially as the result of

my learning how to take mania right out of the

equation in 1997/8 by the use of inhibitory nutrients

on a daily basis. Part of the nutrients that I take to

resolve mania also greatly helps me to resolve sleep

onset, sleep quality, and sleep duration issues in

myself as well. Very similar inhibitory nutrients to

that which I am using have perhaps helped many

hundreds, if not thousands, of persons to slow down,

to resolve hypomania and mania, to resolve anxiety,

etc. I highly suggest the book The Mood Cure by Julia

Ross here. Although I disagree with Ms. Ross on her

suggestions regarding excitatory amino acids, as I

feel they are outdated, and I also feel Ms. Ross also

misses a possibly key inhibitory nutrient combination

of carnitine and phosphatidyl choline, my experience

with using combinations of inhibitory amino acids

almost mirrors Ms. Ross's suggestions exactly. It

appears that Julia Ross, Margot Kidder, the actress

that overcame bipolar disorder in herself via natural

means, and myself independently reached extremely

similar conclusions on how to use inhibitory amino

acids in the late 1990's or so.

 

I know the real truth about the power of nutrients vs.

medication partly as a result of discovering a

nutrient combination in the fall of 1997 that acted

just like lithium in me. This nutrient combination

both slowed and steadied my rate of neuronal firing,

just like lithium does, but without my having any

adverse side effects whatsoever. This nutrient

combination is l-carnitine in the morning and

phosphatidyl choline afterwards. In my opinion, the

nutrient combination of carnitine/choline simply begs

to be researched in regard to its effect on manic

depression. Perhaps inositol or other nutrients may

either help or be necessary cofactors here as well,

but no doubt about it, in combination with what else I

was taking l-carnitine and phosphatidyl choline (in an

adequate dosage, I use 500 mg. of carnitine and 3 to 5

capsules of phosphatidyl choline from Solgar)

profoundly slowed down my " spontaneous rate of

neuronal firing " , just like lithium does. It also

lowered my speech volume and slowed my rate of speech

remarkably. Unfortunately, since late 1997 my cries on

this issue of research into carnitine/choline (along

with a multivitamin multimineral preparation and some

Omega 3 oil perhaps to cover any other unknown

nutrient cofactors) and its effect on those bipolar

persons that are primarily hypomanic or manic much of

the time have failed. No one yet has looked at this

possible breakthrough discovery that I made in the

fall of 1997 in regard to what nutrients are often

necessary in order to " slow the brain down " . The norm

here, a norm that is unfortunately still true today,

is that I am either labeled " manic delusional " for my

claiming to have made any very significant discovery

about manic depression (and I have made quite a few),

or that I am just ignored.

 

I know the real truth partly as a result of my feeling

at least 15 years younger physically than I did six

years ago. My skin color is much better, my weight is

30 lbs. less, my muscles are and my skeletal frame are

much stronger, and I have far more vitality than most

persons who smoke cigarettes as much and as long as I

have. My cigarette addiction I admittedly have yet to

resolve. For me anyway, curing myself of manic

depression is far easier that beating a heavy

addiction to nicotine.

 

I know the real truth as the result of curing myself

of both TMJ in my jawbone and also completely

resolving a very arthritic and problematic back that

bothered me greatly on a regular basis for almost 20

years. My back never bothers me at all now, a fact

that never ceases to amaze me, as I had such serious

back trouble for so long.

 

I know the real truth over the power of nutrients vs.

meds partly as the result of my recommending a very

similar nutrient regime to that which I use to control

manic depression to help a person to resolve five

years of fairly heavy heroin use, during which he

nearly died three times (from overdose). What I gave

this person nutrient-wise profoundly helped him from

almost day one. Within a month he was a new man, with

an aura of wellness and contentment that he hadn't had

in years. This event happened nearly two years ago.

 

And most amazingly, I know the real truth as the

result of discovering in late 1999 of how to

intentionally induce a state of very severe depression

with suicidial ideation attached in myself at will

within three to four days or so by eating common foods

that I am allergic to, and then learning how to

adequately correct this suicidally depressed state

within a matter of hours to at most a single day in

myself. For other persons this nutritive and natural

therapy may take a few days to a week. However, I

can't imagine the fairly comprehensive and all natural

anti-depressive therapy that I am using taking much

more than a week to have an amazingly positive effect

on both mood and general well being in all but a small

minority of persons (the few that are truly very ill).

 

Every day for over three years, if not closer to six,

I wake up to the reality that it is entirely possible

that, as a result of relying on a great deal of

foundation work of many other persons, I may have

developed some of the most accurate conceptual and

practical insight into how to correct depression and

manic depression to date. I say this despite the facts

that (1) I am not a doctor, (2) I have almost no

formal education beyond high school (despite being

gifted), and (3) I still smoke cigarettes rather

heavily. I do not claim perfection to anyone, but I

sincerely apologize to all for not resolving my

cigarette addiction, as this seriously damages my

credibility on any health matters whatsoever.

 

Unfortunately, I also wake up to the reality that

after spending perhaps as much as $200,000, if not

more, in a search for answers concerning manic

depression since July of 1994, my access to any

sizable funds ran out in August of 2002. I now have to

live on less than $800 a month net. Yet I morally

cannot, and will not, take " a regular job " for

greater fiscal gain. Nothing in this world means more

to me but to do my best to do all that I can to

attempt to end the enormous suffering that manic

depression and depression causes. A regular job for

fiscal gain would just interfere with this goal, as it

would take up too much of my time and energy, time and

energy that I have been freely giving for years to

help all humankind.

 

Despite the above, I am not here with my hand out to

ask for or to take anything at all. Money means almost

nothing to me. I was a self-made millionaire once in

my life, and I was so depressed I almost blew my

brains out. Now I am healthy both mentally and

physically. Other than retaining my own health and

well being, only one other single thing really matters

to me. This " other thing " is my seeing that answers

that I may have discovered as a result of

extraordinary effort since my diagnosis of bipolar

disorder in June 1994 move forward as they should...

such that many other persons are ultimately cured of

manic depression without having to take nearly as long

and hard a road as I had to travel in which to do so.

 

I sure could use some solid help from other

intelligent persons with in regard to the answers that

I have discovered in regarding to correcting

depression within a matter of days, if not a matter of

hours, in most persons so afflicted. I have been

asking for this help for years, both inside the

medical model and within the confines of alternative

medicine. Thus far, my pleas for help with discoveries

that I know to be significant have been to no avail. I

have been repeatedly ignored by both allopathic and

alternative medicine. The claims that I have been

making since early 2000 in regard to the correction of

severe depression in such a short time are perhaps

just too extraordinary to be believed by anyone, yet I

know in my heart that in essence these claims are

absolutely true. Certainly, I might not be right about

everything, and much of what I know could be easily

improved on or refined. However, just as it stands the

multi-stage natural anti-depressive therapy that I

first discovered beginning in August of 1999 and had

verified within months of its discovery is a very

logical therapy. It is also a therapy that is based on

much solid biological and scientific fact as well. In

my opinion, this natural antidepressive therapy has

also been anecdotally validated well enough at this

point be worth a solid look at by at least some person

or organizational body. It would certainly help if

this person or organizational body had the ability to

effect real change, as I am powerless by myself in

this regard.

 

We humans appear to be very odd creatures. I just

don't understand why I have been blessed with such

extraordinary knowledge of how to correct depression

and manic depression via natural means... and then I

reach out to others for help to take a look at what I

have discovered... and the end result is that I often

just get either personally attacked or ignored...

despite the fact that my heart is in the right place

and I only want to help... and I have no agenda of

enrichment or self aggrandizement whatsoever. I don't

mind a whit if my discoveries are plagiarized by

others and/or I don't receive either a dime or any

credit whatsoever for them... as long these

discoveries are validated and refined by a party

capable of doing so... and then used to reduce much

human suffering, as I am aware that they can.

 

Lastly, I pray that some day in the future the current

medical model will not continue to ignore the

overwhelming anecdotal evidence that has been

generated for many years that the two biochemical

issues of hidden food allergy and intestinal dysbiosis

(which allopathic doctors often actually cause by the

prescription of antibiotics) are often primary

causative factors in depression, manic depression,

ADHD, schizophrenia, alcoholism (and perhaps other

substance abuse as well), fibromyalgia, arthritis,

migraines, and a whole host of other physical and

mental illnesses. I also pray that some day lessons

such as those that I have learned in my recovery from

over three decades of bipolar symptoms are not only

actually heard, but that they are acted upon

appropriately by someone, as well as acted upon

appropriately by modern medical science.

 

Allen Darman

 

http://360./allen_dar

 

 

 

 

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