Guest guest Posted January 18, 2004 Report Share Posted January 18, 2004 Hello, I would apologize for not posting, but I know yall understand. I went to the hospital Tuesday morning. I was having some pretty good contractions, but still not good enough for any action. I was only at 5 cms around 11am. I was beginning to tire and I think everyone else was just in a hurry. They suggested Pitocin and I knew better when I nodded my head...because they promised to stop when I couldn't take it any longer (I explained my fear of Epiderals) and they lied straight through their teeth. Around 1pm and the pit was on 96, I was coming unglued. I howled all the way through each contraction that was coming around every two minutes for about 65 seconds. The nurse suggested an Epideral. "If you get an Epideral, we can turn the Pit on up and you'll have this baby in no time. At this rate, it may take all day." I told her no, but I needed something for pain, just not in the back. She suggested Nubain and I shook my head again, asking for only half a dose because I've never had it and my mom is allergic to most any kind of pain meds... She brought 10mg of Nubain with 25mg of Phenergan (nausea, but I wasn't, I think they were CYAing.) Anyhow, it didn't last no time and I was asking for the rest because she'd snuck over to the drip and turned it up even though I asked her not to...WITH MY MOM SITTING THERE THE WHOLE TIME KNOWING I ASKED THEM NOT TO! Well, the midwife came in with the nurse wanting to check me first because if I was far enough along they couldn't give me any more pain medicine. "What a hell of a fu--ing note!" Yeap, I said that. And, of coarse, I was all the way complete. This was around 2:45pm or so... Well, she spread my legs and told me to start pushing with contractions. NO URGE TO PUSH WHAT SO EVER, MIND YOU! And she went over to get things ready for the baby to be born. I guess she got done before I was ready or something like that because she came back over and commenced to pushing my legs up in the air. Now, first of all, I have this catch in my right leg and it did something (I have no idea what) when I tried to push, it hurt like hell. I asked the nurse to let it go and they both argued with me that I'd have to keep my legs there or not be able to push the baby out. I hollered on the next contraction trying to push and the midwife said something to the effect of, "Don't holler, Angel, Angel...now she's just trying to help you, you will not holler at her or me like that..." I looked over at her and told her that if the nurse had let go the first time I asked I wouldn't have hollered. But, in my present state, I still apologized to her. She let my leg go and they told me to grab hold of the other leg and just grab this strap thing on the right side. Then, she told me to put my chin on my chest and push until they stopped counting. I tried twice to no avail. I could feel my body doing NOTHING. Then, she told the nurse to go have OR on stand by...I heard her say that... Well, I would have busted my brains pushing then... I pushed and pushed, three sets of pushes...three contractions I guess...or so my mom said. And, there was the head. The midwife told me to slow down and listen to her so that I wouldn't tear. She told me to reach between my legs and bring the baby up onto my stomach as I pushed him out. I tried twice before getting him all the way out and there he was...then, she rubbed him down and laid him into the isolette thingy. Mama got video of me bringing him up, cutting the cord a few minutes later, the placenta and afterwards. I was disappointed with the care and lack of help, to say the least. But, I already knew that was coming. And, I am so proud of Cage and myself for getting through all that. This is Waylon Edward Cage this morning. Born: 1-13-04 (Tues.) Time: 3:35pm Weight: 8lbs. 14oz. Length: 23 3/4 in. And, he has the most gorgeous peach fuzz ALL OVER his body, you ever did see! He nurses well. Although, that second night he didn't sleep for 15 minutes at the time for wanting to nurse...no kidding. I was so tired the next day. But, I've learned real quick to take naps when he goes down for more than a few minutes at one time. I am worried about my uterus because yesterday I could feel it very close to my bottom, especially when I sit on a hard surface. It's really tender and it's hard. It being so hard really surprised me. I've felt how hard it is through my belly, but I just guess I thought that the bottom would be soft or something...I don't know. Anyhow, I am worried that it's never been so low before... If I had it all to do over again...I'd lose my mind! No, seriously though, if I had it all to do over I'd of had someone different to help me. But, I was so far along when I had to leave Indiana I just didn't have time to look. That I will always thank Wayne for no matter what happens between us. Yesterday I started crying. When I started I didn't really know why, it surprised me as a matter of fact. But, during the crying spell I came up with all kinds of things that were wrong for me...talk about a pity party! Whew! All day this went on and off, it was like a dang water spigot or something...really bad. Now, today I've felt the urge twice or so...but I fought the tears back. Now, I know this is the baby blues or PPD...personally, I like baby blues. I'm not really depressed, I'm just scared. I truly thought I'd never have to worry about raising my babies by myself again, let alone a brand new baby, after I met and married Wayne. (He really was good to me at one time.) And, the thought of putting Cage into a day care or nursery while I go back to work petrifies me to no end already and that's AT THE VERY LEAST, four or five months off yet. My question is this...how long does this stuff usually last and is there anything I should do about it? Is there anything I can do FOR it? It got really irritating yesterday, we were sitting around talking about the kids playing in the yard (nothing real important or big), and the tears just started flowing like a rain storm and I couldn't control it like when my feelings are hurt and I stop crying...I couldn't stop at all. And, with everyone sitting there watching me in terror (they're afraid I'm going to lose my mind because Wayne didn't come down), it got to be pretty embarrassing. Should I fight it back or let it flow? I'm afraid to let it flow, what if I do get into one of those depressed states and can't pull myself out? I can say with total clarity that this has never happened to me with any one of the first three and the first two I delivered and raised all by myself until Wayne came along. Talk about getting hit from out of no where... No one around here understands how bad it hurts to look at my baby and know he may not ever get to know his daddy. Why does this bother me so much? It never even crossed my mind with the girls. I still wonder if it will effect Dude to have known his daddy all these years (6) and then be took away from him. Which is worse? When both of them get bigger and ask questions or wonder why...How do you explain something like that? Well, this is where I'm at for tonight. But, I try not to think about any of this stuff right now. Did I mention that I have not had a cigarette since I went into the hospital? I'm afraid to say I quit, I'm scared it will jinx me and I'll break and go get one. Lots of love to yall, Angel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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