Angel-Empowering Births: Thoughts and Tips For the Expectant Mother

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Empowering Births: Thoughts and Tips For the Expectant Mother

By K.C. Fouts

When I talk to women about birth I tend to compare it to drowning

(although a few women have strongly objected to it, I will continue

to do so because I find the analogy so fitting). When one begins to

drown they only have two options: they can fight or surrender. It's

only natural to want to fight, to call for help in the hopes that

someone will come to your rescue. However, in childbirth, there is no

hope of rescue. The only way out is through and through you will go,

regardless of how hard you fight or how loudly you cry for help.

Fighting our way through birth is what we are used to. We've all

heard the horror stories and seen them in full-color on our TV's.

Women screaming and sobbing, begging to be allowed to quit, to sleep,

to die. Many of us believe that fighting is the only way to give

birth. Didn't God say unto Eve at the very beginning of time " ... in

sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, " (Gen. 3:16)? Isn't the pain

of labor enough to drive an otherwise loving and rational woman to

behavior that would be considered insane under any other conditions?

I say no, no, a thousand times no. This is the power of surrender. I

know, I've seen it, I've been there.

First, let's talk about pain. What function does pain serve? It

alerts us to possible danger. If I stub my toe, the pain is what

makes me stop and assess the damage. I actually stop and look at my

toe. Blood? Broken bone? Broken skin? If infection sets in later the

pain will increase until I remedy the situation. The pain of birth is

the same idea on a different scale. It causes us to drop everything

and pay attention. The transition of maiden to mother is, arguably,

the most important moment in a woman's life. The pain reflects that,

it focuses our attention to a degree never before imagined. The

question of how much pain we experience is determined by our response

to it.

I credit Grantly Dick-Read's book, Childbirth without Fear, with

having first exposed me (and countless others) to the idea of the

fear=tension=pain cycle in birth. To summarize, he writes that fear

causes a physical response in the body. Adrenaline floods the system,

tensing muscles, preparing us to fight or flee. Every fiber of our

being is charged with this instinct to fight, to survive. But tense

muscles are contra-indicated during childbirth. The uterus has to

work much harder to soften and open up the cervix when the system is

feeding it adrenaline. Hence, more pain, causing more fear,

causing... well, you understand. It can get pretty bad.

Fear of childbirth is an ancient tradition shared by women of most

cultures. Many churches endorse it. Women (and men) pass it to their

sisters, children, friends, neighbors, etc. All it takes is one

really bad childbirth story to instill fear and most of us have heard

a lot more than one. Thus giving birth in fear and pain is one of our

oldest traditions. It's what we've been trained to do. In one sense,

this is truly natural childbirth and if I believed that this was the

only way to give birth, I would start my training tomorrow to become

an anesthesiologist so that I could deliver as many women as possible

from this torture. However, I need not apply to Med. school and women

need not suffer, there is another way.

The other choice is surrender. Surrender yourself, body and soul to

the birth energy. Allow it to flow through you without fear. Stop

talking, stop worrying, stop thinking and just let yourself drown (so

to speak) in the experience of dividing one life into two (or more).

Sound simple? It's not. Overcoming thousands of years of cultural

programming toward fear is very hard to do. It took me three births

to finally find my own " surrender point " , but I had to do it alone,

you don't. I've come up with a list of ideas for helping you reach

your own personal surrender point. By following some or all of these

suggestions, I hope that you too can experience birth as I (and many

others) now do; gentle, safe, empowering, healing, peaceful, and

breathtakingly beautiful.

1) Read at least one good book that describes the symptoms of danger

in pregnancy and childbirth . By knowing what to look out for, you

increase your chances of catching problems early enough to seek help

in time. Don't dwell on " What if? " fears, instead use the knowledge

to overcome them. Part of surrendering is realizing that we cannot

force the universe to give us a healthy baby. We must do all that we

can and then accept what we receive, no matter what.

2) Read stories of " good " births. Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May

Gaskin provides many such stories. My own birth story is posted at:

thelaboroflove.com if you are interested. Many other stories are

there and on other web sites too, " good " and " bad " . Skip the scary

ones. Ask people to describe the best parts of their birth stories to

you. Don't hesitate to stop anyone who tries to tell you yet another

horror story, you've heard enough. Turn them around by asking them

what the best parts of their experience were. Inform them that you

are changing your beliefs about birth. It may not help, but it can't

hurt.

3) Choose a practitioner who has a surrender philosophy of birth. A

tall order in some places. Many (most?) practitioners will not know

what you are talking about. Some will tell you they have this

philosophy when they simply do not. Call around and ask to see

comparison studies of the birth statistics for professionals in your

area (% of C-sections , % of episiotomies, etc.) If you are told that

this information is not available, insist that it be made available.

This is your right, exercise it. Choose a good book on birthing (A

Good Birth, A Safe Birth by Korte and Scaer is excellent) and write

out a detailed list of questions and concerns you have about the

birth. Many women are now choosing to write up a birth plan, but I

find this can offend some Drs. who consider themselves to be the

authorities on all births, even yours. Better to spend an hour making

certain that your practitioner has a similar birth philosophy to

yours than to hand them an instructional plan for them to ignore.

Points to discuss may include: when the cord is cut and by whom,

episiotomy, when will labor induction be considered, monitoring,

IV's, etc. Do not settle for a practitioner whose routine practices

differ from your needs. This is your birth and you will experience it

only once. Keeping it consistent with your needs should prevail over

all but the most dire medical emergencies. If you cannot find common

ground, find another practitioner. Beware of answers like, " We'll

see " and " For you, I'll make an exception " . When you are choosing a

person to handle your birth, expect that they will handle it as they

do everyone else's. Your " special " status in the exam room is likely

to vanish in the delivery room. Exercising your right to choose is

the only thing that will improve birthing choices for all women. A

birth professional who honestly trusts the birth energy and is

comfortable waiting and watching you for signs of trouble without

*doing* anything is a true treasure and well worth the effort

required to find them.

4) Plan to give birth where you feel the most comfortable. I

personally have an overwhelming fear of birthing in a hospital. It

would be nearly impossible for me to surrender in one. This may or

may not be true for you. Studies have shown home births to be safer

in many ways than hospital births but if the idea of giving birth at

home really scares you, you'll be better off in a birth center or

hospital setting. Currently, many insurance providers will not cover

home or even birth center births. If you feel that you are being

forced to give birth in a hospital due to insurance company policy,

file a complaint. Point out how much less expensive home birth is for

them. If every woman who wants to birth at home fights for her right

to do so, we may just see a change in policy someday.

5) When planning a hospital birth, realize that many of the policies,

people and equipment are steeped in or created out of fear of

childbirth. Even if you have the finest hospital and the most

supportive staff surrounding you, the sound of the woman in the next

room battling her own worst fears can be...unsettling at best.

Prepare yourself with an arsenal of surrender inducing tools; soft

music, scented massage oils, earplugs (you'll miss them if you need

them and they don't take up much space), supportive people, a stuffed

animal, etc. Try to carve out a space for yourself that makes you

feel safe. The staff may chuckle at you (or worse) when they see what

all you've brought in with you but I say, if it helps you relax bring

it along.

6) A doula or woman who is experienced in supporting women during

labor can be a wise investment. As wonderful as it is to have our

partners/husbands with us as we labor, there is nothing that compares

with having another woman by our side to reassure us that all is

well. Men may have all the love in the world for us and have read

every book available but, they have not lived through it. Having

someone with you who has birthed before is invaluable. Often,

choosing a professional for this task is better than a friend or

relative. It's very hard to keep perspective when you are emotionally

attached to the birthing mother, precisely why husbands are often

unable to perform as effective advocates for " natural " birth. As with

your practitioner, make certain the one you choose understands the

idea of surrender in birth. Many do, but double check. 7) Begin

meditating in whatever forms suits you. Meditation (when it's

working) is surrender at its best. Relaxing the body and clearing the

mind are the only two real " rules " of successful meditation. Yoga

positions and Hindu mantras are not required (unless you enjoy them).

You can sit up, lie down, dance, hum, bathe, whatever slows you down

and charges you up is great. Just make certain that your muscles

relax and your mind empties. (My personal trick for clearing the mind

is humming or " moaning " aloud the sounds that come to me. I find it

hard to think when I hum. With practice you will learn to clear your

mind without making a sound, but this trick can get you started). 8)

During the birth itself, find phrases you can repeat that enhance

surrender. Some women use " Yes " or " Open " or simply moan aloud (many

midwives call this the " Babysong " ). The one I used for my last birth

was simply, " OK, OK, OK.. " Even saying it now (in the same somewhat

pained tone I used then) it brings me right back to that point of

surrender. Powerful stuff. 9) Water. The idea of giving birth in a

tub full of warm water seemed strange and " far-out " to me at first

but now, as a waterbirthing veteran, I would never willingly go back

to " dry " birthing. If you have the luxury of a large tub available to

you during labor do not hesitate to use it. If it helps, stay put.

Babies and moms tend to love waterbirthing though some birth

attendants are uncomfortable with the idea and will want you to leave

the water to push. This is not medically necessary. As long as the

CORD IS LEFT INTACT and the baby is brought out of the water within

the first minute after birth, the baby will be fine. If the idea of

waterbirth appeals to you, you might want to discuss it with your

practitioner beforehand. There is plenty of information available to

help educate those who may be hesitant to try waterbirthing.

Waterbirth.org is the website for Waterbirth International, I'd start

there.

10) Avoid the use of Pitocin to begin or augment labor. Pitocin

labors are notoriously difficult ones. Rare indeed is the woman who

can forgo the epidural while on a Pit drip (Pitocin is given via an

IV, hence the term " drip " ). Some doctors will want to use Pitocin to

start your labor if you go much past your due date. While not

medically necessary, after 41 weeks or more, most women would rather

be holding their babes in their arms than their bellies and induction

can sound like a good idea. Be aware that most of the problems

attributed to going post-dates are due to mothers reducing their food

and fluid intake out of fear of the baby getting too big. The old

idea that the placenta shuts down after 42 weeks is no longer

considered a medical fact. Some babies just take longer to " cook "

than others. If there is a real need to begin labor before the baby

initiates it there are more natural ways of going about it. Consult

your local midwife/herbalist for suggestions. If your doctor suggests

using Pitocin to speed up your labor, ask for a breast pump and a

lesson in using it instead. Nipple stimulation is the natural way to

increase the body's production of oxytocin, the hormone Pitocin

simulates. When your body is producing oxytocin, it is also producing

endorphins to block the pain receptors in your brain. Pitocin

releases no such natural pain killers and many women who have

experienced Pitocin labors describe them as " sheer hell " . In the

absence of a breast pump, ask for some private time while you or your

partner manually stimulates your nipples. Enjoy it, no reason why

getting the baby out shouldn't be as much fun as getting it in.

11) Do not expect yourself to be able to surrender all of the pain

away. Childbirth will still be intense regardless of how relaxed you

are. Some women's experience of this pain will be mild, some women

will find it unbearable. If, after all the above suggestions have

been tried, the pain is still keeping you from relaxing and you are

becoming more and more tense, a pain relief drug may be appropriate.

There is no contest for who can endure the most pain without drugs.

If the pain is overshadowing your birth experience there should be no

shame in getting some help to refocus. The highly touted epidural

however, may not be the best first choice. A muscle relaxant or

analgesic (even an herbal one, if available) may very well give you

enough relief without losing your freedom of movement, a common

epidural side-effect. Don't start out with a 1000 watt bulb when a

candle might do the trick. Talk to your provider about the pain

relief options that will be available to you long before you need

them. Drugs should be your last resort after trying distraction,

position changes, water, pelvic rocking or dancing, meditation and

everything else you, your partner, your doula, your nurses, your

midwives and your doctor can think of. Believe in your ability to

birth with ease with or without the help of drugs.

That's all I can think of for now. If you have more ideas, know where

to find any more uplifting birth stories, want to share a trick that

worked for you or comment on this article email me. My most heartfelt

prayers are with you as you undertake this most amazing step in your

life. Your child's birth is a moment you will never forget. I hope

that reading this article will help you to make it a truly beautiful

memory.

 

Love and Blessings,

K.C. Fouts

K.C. Fouts is the mother of three beautiful children. All three of

her births have taken place in free-standing Birth Centers in

Michigan, where she and her family reside. She currently keeps busy

homescooling (unschooling) her oldest daughter, writing, reading, and

trying to learn enough about computers to update her family's

website. Her future plans are to become a healer, possibly even a

midwife. However, at the moment, her children are small and she tends

to spend most of her time being with them. There's a rumor going

around that they won't be this dependant (and cute) forever.

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