Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 Dear Kev, You're at a turning point in your life, when you are pressed by outward forces to decide how much of your life you've actually chosen, and how much you've gone along for the ride. It's a time of reexamining your childhood scripts and finishing up the final " parenting yourself " . During the next few years you will be learning a lot about your self and the challenge of this time is not to throw the baby out with the bath water. It's tempting to let it all go and start all over, but if you do, you will have regrets later. It's very difficult to remain responsible during this time, but if you are able to, you will find tremendous rewards.... It's known as " Saturn return " in astrology. Saturn is about " earned luck " . When Saturn finally leaves (he's known as the task master), he always leaves a parting gift at the door. Once you've been able to look into yourself, and are able to define yourself in terms other than " husband " , " father " " son " the definitions others have given you, and you have found your own core values, you will find that you are happy and able to " be " with yourself. If you don't learn to be in the moment with yourself, you will go onto being very ill. Different people find different ways of learning to be in the moment, some use meditation, some isolation. I'm a kinetic person, so I found it in physical meditation of massage. A certain part of it is to find the reason for your being. A book, I found which helped me on my way was " The life you were born to live " , by Dan Millman. There have been many, many others since then, but that was the start. I've found that many people first experience a bit of a " fog " in that they've lost their bearings and have a longing for an " other worldly love " , then the transitions start to kick in, either you make the changes or life brings them to you. As you find your connectiveness to " others " , you start to find yourself. Once you realize all of your denial systems and defenses haven't kept you safe or happy, you get to feel just how ugly they are, and you either let them go, or something happens in which you have to let them go. Once you start letting go, it becomes very liberating, but it's important to realize what is worth keeping, and not to let those things go, just because it's feeling good not to be tied down by everyone else's expectations. When you make a good decision, you move on, when you don't, you get to do it again. Pretty soon, you are more aware of yourself and others. It's a bit interesting, at least it was for me, as I almost look back on " unenlightenment " and " being in denial " in a certain nostalgia, wishing I didn't know what I now know, but unable to go back. The illistration I think says it best is a chick coming out of an egg. Once out it can't go back in, and if it had stayed in, it would have died, but it was safe and secure while it lasted. While I wish everyone understanding, enlightenment is best done as a personal journey with the divine, they are not the same thing. It's a transition of letting go of ego and releasing to soul, only to find the soul urge has always given the ego it's drive. It reminds me of a Zen story my instructor once told me... There once was a widower and his son who lived outside a village and farmed. The young man wanted a horse. He told his father all of the reasons he should have a horse. " Oh, Father, it would be so good to have a horse. I could plow the fields beside you. You at the ox and I at the horse. We could prepare more land for planting and care for the increased crops. We will have plenty for us, and we can sell the extra in the village. We can save up so you will have ease in your later years. It would be so good " . The old man replied to his son, " We shall see what is good, and what is not " . For the young man's birthday, the old widower gets him a horse. The young man is thrilled, overjoyed. He goes on and on about all of the things they will be doing with clearing the fields, planting and raising the crops. How the old man will not have to work hard in his later years. All the time saying " This is so very, very good " . The young man wakes up early every day to care for the horse. He brushes him out each morning and each evening. The two begin to clear extra land, in preparation of planting more seeds. Each day the young man comes in after brushing his horse out in the evening, telling the old man " This is so very good " , and each time the old man replies " We shall see what is good, and what is not " . One morning the young man goes out to the barn to feed and brush out his horse, to find the horse is gone. He runs back to the house telling his father, " This is so bad, so very bad. How are we going to be able to clear the rest of the land in order to plant all the crops, and then till the land and care for the crops without my horse? This is bad, this is so very, very bad. " The old man replied to his son, " We shall see what is good, and what is not " . The young man feels very defeated. His father works the ox while he pulls the horses' plow behind him. The plow is so very heavy, the young man finds it difficult to even raise his head while plowing the field. He starts to fall behind his father with the ox. As the young man looks up to find his father and focuses his eyes, across the field at the edge of the woods, he sees his horse! He sees his horse has brought with him a mare! The young man drops the plow behind him, running towards his father and yelling, " Oh father, this is so very good. Not only will we be able to finish clearing the extra land and planting the extra crops, now that my horse has returned. It is sure that we will also have a colt to sell in the village. We'll have the extra crop money and the money from the colt. You will be well taken care of in your old age. This is so very, very good. " The old man replied to his son, " We shall see what is good, and what is not " . The young man brings his horse into the barn and the wild mare follows him in. The young man begins to think that this wild horse could also be trained, ridden and pull the plow. He starts to dream of not only his father being well taken care of in his old age, but setting himself up and attracting a beautiful woman from the village to be his wife. He decides to break the wild horse himself. He feeds and brushes out his horse and the mare. That night he tells his father of his hopes and dreams for the new mare, being able to set himself up as well as taking care of his father. He's very excited, all the time saying time and time again, " This is so very, very good " . First thing the next morning, the young man feeds and brushes out the mare and then his horse. He decides to forgo the plowing that day, and get to breaking the mare. It is not long before the mare has thrown him and he has broken his leg. He cries out to his father, " OH Father, this is so very, very bad. I should have plowed the field with you today. Now I have broken my leg and I can not either break the mare or help you in the fields. With what little bit we've done, we will be lucky to have enough to eat this winter. The colt will be of no help to use to us this winter while we starve, since it won't be born until spring. This is so very, very bad " . The old man replied to his son, " We shall see what is good, and what is not " . It just so happened that the magistrate had sent out his army into the villages to " recruit " all of the young men, forcing all able bodied men to join the army and prepare for his up coming war. The widower was too old, and the young man's leg was broken, so they were left behind while the others were forced to leave to fight the war. The young man turned to his father and asked, " Is this good, or is this bad? " . Right now you are the young man asking... Is this good, or is this bad? Rachel ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 Kev, what wonderful support and wisdom you have received here! I have little to add other than to TRUST. Everything, and I mean everything happens for a reason. It's not punishment, it's spiritual transformation and rebirth and it is a gift. The more challenging a situation, the more profound your growth and spiritual awakening will be. If you can change your thinking, the entire experience will change! Simple, not always easy. You are facing a life enhancing opportunity. It doesn't feel that way at the moment, but if you TRUST, gifts will be revealed and life will unfold with beautiful grace, opening you to possibilities you never knew existed before. Enjoy the journey! Believe in yourself. Embrace your life and recognize the gift before you. Forgive yourself and others for perceived wrongs, and move forward fulling expecting miracles. TRUST, for this too shall pass ~ Michelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2007 Report Share Posted June 12, 2007 Bless you and your hardship. Unfortunately, people and relationships change -- committments of the past are no longer kept in the present time. Stay true to yourself, get lots of support from friends, family, your church and keep in mind the children didn't want this either and they are human and don't do things on purpose to aggrivate you. , " Kev " <the_lion_au wrote: > > Hi everyone! > > By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to > either find or reinvent myself. > > I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very > special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost > myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me again i > wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new. > > I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has > ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought > to be neverending has become finite. > > " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and > that's why it's called the present " > > I start again. > > i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and > that's why i'm here. > > Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began > again will be welcomed. > > kev > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 14, 2007 Report Share Posted June 14, 2007 this is hard. but your 4 children will see how much strenght and love you have to raise them , i know it must be tough at times . but when they look at you, they see a strong person that cares, loves, and nutures them , and they know you are there. god bless you & your family. may the peace of god be with you & yours. -- In , " Mary Hugs Nkisses " <tiredgirl50 wrote: > > Bless you and your hardship. Unfortunately, people and relationships > change -- committments of the past are no longer kept in the present > time. Stay true to yourself, get lots of support from friends, > family, your church and keep in mind the children didn't want this > either and they are human and don't do things on purpose to aggrivate > you. > , " Kev " <the_lion_au@> > wrote: > > > > Hi everyone! > > > > By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to > > either find or reinvent myself. > > > > I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very > > special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost > > myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me > again i > > wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new. > > > > I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has > > ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought > > to be neverending has become finite. > > > > " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and > > that's why it's called the present " > > > > I start again. > > > > i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and > > that's why i'm here. > > > > Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began > > again will be welcomed. > > > > kev > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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