reinventing me

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone!

 

By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to

either find or reinvent myself.

 

I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very

special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost

myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me again i

wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new.

 

I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has

ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought

to be neverending has become finite.

 

" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and

that's why it's called the present "

 

I start again.

 

i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and

that's why i'm here.

 

Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began

again will be welcomed.

 

kev

[Guest guest]

Hello Kev.

Good Afternoon to you.

 

I read yr letter,and wld jst like to say;I am sorry for yr pain.

 

tht it was brave of you to say tht.Be encouraged.

 

You have already begun once you became aware.

 

Rem; encouragement will be wherever you are friend.

 

and Thankyou for sharing something so private.

[Guest guest]

Hi Kevin,

 

Welcome to the group. I too went through a devastating

divorce and have since found my current life partner.

Had I not been through the ugly, I would not have been

ready to receive the beautiful.

 

A couple things I think about everyday:

 

1.To love my children unconditionally. I didn't

divorce them, I divorced their fathers.

 

2.I am only what I allow myself to be. Explore

yourself, find those things that make you love

yourself, that help you become satisfied with who you

are. That help you to appreciate yourself. Marriage is

not a prerequesit for my happiness.

 

A client of mine made a statement one day that was so

profound and it follows along with everything I have

learned. " Appreciate what you have been through,

without it you would not have the understanding of

yourself that you have now " .

 

 

3.Nothing happens by mistake and there is an important

lesson to learn in every experience we have. Do not

hate your exes for what they did, but thank them for

the lessons you learned. I no longer hate my exes. I

don't care for what they have done or how they live or

even what they do or don't do to/for my children, but

I do not hate them.

 

4. Love yourself.

 

Good Luck

Jenny Kernan

Quantum Biofeedback Therapist

 

 

--- Kev <the_lion_au wrote:

 

> Hi everyone!

>

> By chance i found this group and hope that here i

> can find help to

> either find or reinvent myself.

>

> I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved

> by someone very

> special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i

> know I slowly lost

> myself over the years and i know until i'm happy

> with being me again i

> wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone

> new.

>

> I've been on my own [with my kids] since november

> 2005. What was has

> ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless

> the love thought

> to be neverending has become finite.

>

> " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day

> is a gift and

> that's why it's called the present "

>

> I start again.

>

> i don't know how to begin the process of finding

> myself again and

> that's why i'm here.

>

> Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and

> how they began

> again will be welcomed.

>

> kev

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello and welcome Kev.

 

You are a very special person who has taken on the responsibility of raising

4 kids.

 

That is fact number one about you. Fact number two is that you are a person

who loves deeply without reservation.

 

Fact number three is that you are able to feel your emotions and know when

you need to do some soul-searching and make changes.

 

These things are good qualities and I believe they will take you far in

life.

 

In re-reading your letter I see that you wrote that you " lost yourself "

 

Does this mean that you changed yourself to be what she wanted you to be?

 

Health & Happiness To You,

~Leese

 

_____

 

 

On Behalf Of Kev

Monday, June 11, 2007 12:04 AM

 

reinventing me

 

 

 

Hi everyone!

 

By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to

either find or reinvent myself.

 

I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very

special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost

myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me again i

wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new.

 

I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has

ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought

to be neverending has become finite.

 

" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and

that's why it's called the present "

 

I start again.

 

i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and

that's why i'm here.

 

Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began

again will be welcomed.

 

kev

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Kev,

 

I was married to a woman I loved very dearly. But I was sick with what was

then a mystery ailment (some thought I was a hypochondriac, others thought I was

just lazy, others thought I needed therapy) and did not have any income to speak

of (Around 10k USD a year) or any prospects for a real income. Finally I got a

job as a Toll Collector part-time on weekends. I was scheduled for 16 hours a

weekend but would take any overtime available to earn money for my wife and I,

usually working 32 hours a weekend. Two double shifts a weekend, usually like

Friday from 10PM until Saturday at 2PM and then Sunday from 6AM until Sunday at

10PM.

 

While I was away on weekends my wife was having an affair. Later, she would

have a child with her lover and was many months pregnant with his child when we

went to court. The marriage ended and I was depicted to the judge as an abusive

spouse and a loser and worse and was forced by the courts to take on all the

marital debt even though my wife earned 4 times what I did then and the debt was

at minimum half of each of our responsibility. There was no assets and we had no

children. I refused to declare bankruptcy despite the advice of the so called

experts and it took about four years more to pay it all off. (I continued

working on the weekend toll job 32 hours and working M-F 40 hours in a

warehouse) It was horrible and so very difficult a time in my life. I ate a lot

of canned tuna fish and canned vegetarian chili. (To this day, I will not eat

these foods) Meanwhile I learned later that my ex and her lover moved to a

beautiful east coast shore area of Florida after our

divorce. (Life is so " funny " sometimes)

 

I was sick and so heartbroken and so beaten.

 

2 years after the divorce, my mystery ailment with symptoms stretching back 20

years was revealed: a slow growing tumor on my thyroid. The tumor was removed, I

lost half my thyroid and have been using armour since. It was discovered because

for the first time in my adult life, after I got a medical plan.

 

Now with the help of this group, just this past month, it's become clear now

that I need to build back up my adrenals. Funny how this group, knows so much

more about the issues and needs of this thyroid health challenge than any doctor

I've ever met. (thank you!)

 

Where am I now in my life?

 

I've been happily remarried for 11 years now. I earn over 70K USD yearly. I am

a step-father and " our " daughter has four lovely children, 6 years and under,

three boys and a girl. So now I am a step-grandfather too. <Smiling>

 

and how did I get here?

 

I started chanting outwardly and inwardly a word called HU. (A word for God

used by the Druids, Sufis and others) It is pronounced like the word " you. "

 

Breathe in, then on the out breath chant Huuuuuuuuuuu. If in a place, where

chanting would be inappropriate I can repeat this word HU in my mind.

 

Chanting HU outwardly and inwardly will open your state of consciousness more

to be aware of divine guidance and protection.

 

Here is a web page for more info: http://www.sourcetext.com/hupage/

 

Sounds ridiculous to most that singing a mantra as powerful as HU could help

anyone. But when you are as low and humiliated and hopeless as I once was, you

become more open to trying anything that at minimum will not cause any harm to

yourself, others and to your limited financial resources.

 

Don't give up Kev. Persevere!

 

Obviously your situation is different than mine. I did not have responsibility

for 4 children as you do. So I'm no expert on your situation, of course, but

hope that my experience will be helpful to you somehow. I don't like talking

about this and it is enervating to do so but I did so because it might be

helpful to others. I'd prefer not to discuss my personal drama any further

though.

 

Dave B.

 

Kev <the_lion_au wrote:

Hi everyone!

 

By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to

either find or reinvent myself.

 

I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very

special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost

myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me again i

wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new.

 

I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has

ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought

to be neverending has become finite.

 

" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and

that's why it's called the present "

 

I start again.

 

i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and

that's why i'm here.

 

Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began

again will be welcomed.

 

kev

 

 

 

Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join 's user panel and

lay it on us.

 

 

[Guest guest]

KEV your story is only too familiar to the digest readers all over the world.

It is never,never late to start all over again. First of all love all the four

children passionately and get involved in their physical and mental growth as

normal humans. Then get involved in your work. The rest will follow.Do not

entertain negative thoughts about yourselves for that matter any one else.your

gifts from God are those four lovely angels with you.Make thembrimwith life

rather than feel sunk with your own sadness. God is Love.Love God.You may get on

well.

 

drvridhasubbu

 

" Hello, If you are in OC California and interested in a healing therapeutic

massage,meaning non sexual, IM me if not, Please d " <lavenderraines

wrote:

, " Kev " <the_lion_au

wrote:

>

> Hi everyone!

>

> By chance i found this group and hope that here i can find help to

> either find or reinvent myself.

>

> I'm 41 and after 18 years of believing i was loved by someone very

> special i find myself raising our 4 kids alone. i know I slowly lost

> myself over the years and i know until i'm happy with being me

again i

> wont be able to truly love or give myself to someone new.

>

> I've been on my own [with my kids] since november 2005. What was has

> ended. Difinitively. Not my choice but nevertheless the love thought

> to be neverending has become finite.

>

> " Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. To day is a gift and

> that's why it's called the present "

>

> I start again.

>

> i don't know how to begin the process of finding myself again and

> that's why i'm here.

>

> Suggestions/advice/sharing of others experiences and how they began

> again will be welcomed.

>

> kev

>

Kev

 

Try forgiveness and once you have forgiven the past... that will

start the healing process. If you have forgiven the past, and you

feel good about yourself as a man. Then I would suggest get involved

in a local church or place of worship. or just try to refine your

spirtual self. This might be a dark night of the soul and if so you

will just have to allow it, and move thru it. I also suggest you

listen to WWW.Hayhouse.com if you go to that site there is a radio

prompt on the left hand side many professionals there that you can

listen to.. Or do into the archives its free to listen. Best Wishes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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