This might be odd but need help

[Guest guest]

I usually don't speak up but I am not sure what to do anymore and am looking

for help any where I can get it. I've seen a lot of people get their

questions answered here so I thought I would try. (By the way I have

personally

use some of the ideas and they worked great!!!)

 

My son just turned 12 years old in April. he weighs 210 pounds. I feel

that he has an eating disorder. He has been in counseling for a number of

years

now. For the past two years he has been with this one counselor. I spoke

with her alone again about his eating non stop. and again she said that we

will start working on it. Every week he says the same thing to her. He's

doing fine, schools fine, he has friends at school, etc.... I had a meeting at

his school on Friday and his teachers told me that he sits alone at lunch and

he'll play with his class at recess but as soon as the other kids in his grade

go outside he stops playing. He will not raise his hand to answer any

questions in class unless he knows for a fact that he has the correct answer.

and

if he had any doubt he wont raise his hand. I don't know what to do

anymore. I'm afraid that if we don't get him some real help and he's not going

to

life a fulfilling life, not to mention that he is going to get so big that he

is going to have major medical problems as he gets older.

 

Sherry

 

 

 

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

how tall is he? As he gets taller this may not be a problem.

i would have a check up by a Naturopathic Dr. to see if he has kidney or

thyroid problems or any other problem contributing.

Peace, thyme

 

 

 

 

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I imagine that this is very tough for you. I am sure that you will get lots of

suggestions here and will consider them all, but it is impossible to tell what

is really wrong. It may be very hard for him to even know what is going on, but

I think its good that you have him talking about things with a councilor. Only

he can truly address his issues but to do so he must confront them himself. A

good councilor can help him do that if he or she can get him to open up and

examine himself. If you do not feel he is opening up with this councilor,

perhaps look into finding another one. I went to many councilors as a child

after my parents divorce, and some of them I felt comfortable with and others I

didn't. You might also look into some kind of group counseling or support group

for him, maybe he feels alone in his problem, and it is likely he is not as

alone as he thinks he is. When I was young, I hated group counseling, but I

find it useful now that I am an adult, so maybe

he would be able to open up there.

The only thing I can suggest besides the help of a professional is to look at

his diet and his activities. I cannot stress enough how a diet based on the

real food pyramid (mind your portion sizes and any bread that includes the word

" enriched " in the ingredient list is a sugar, not a grain), and if you are going

to over eat on any of the groups let it be vegetables. Buy your meats as lean

as you can, its actually a better value because less of it cooks away, and get

your dairy products organic, to avoid all the hormones and junk they pump into

farm animals these days. If you are vegetarian or vegan I guess you don't have

to worry about that at all. Keep your diet very varied. There are more fruits

out there than apples and oranges, more veggies than iceberg lettuce and

carrots, more grains than wheat. Make these dietary adjustments to the whole

family, not just to him, so that he doesn't feel singled out. It will make you

all feel much better.

Also, when its nice out, get him outside and go with him if you need to. Even

if he just sits out there and does nothing, the sun and the fresh air will be

very good for him and will hopefully lift his spirits. A walk would be nice and

good for him, and the two of you could talk about things, or he could just

think, but if he doesn't want to be active outdoors, encourage him to read (even

comics or something) or write. I would encourage him to find a hobby, something

to do with his hands. It may take a while to find something he enjoys but make

sure you take the time find something he will want to do on his own. I would

limit his access to TV, the computer and video games as well. I'm not saying

take them away, but make sure he does other things with his day.

I used to suffer from similar issues as you describe in your son, and I will

tell you what really, really helped me build confidence and overcome a lot of my

insecurities that led me to isolate myself. I joined the Army when I was 19.

Now I'm not saying that you should ship your son off to military school, God

knows the military is not for everyone, but if you examine the things about the

Army that has helped me then I'm sure you can find something that will provide

the same thing for your son, perhaps an organization he can volunteer for or a

club he can join.

First, the Army was tough. I did a lot of things in Basic Training I never

thought I could do and it gave me a great sense of accomplishment. I felt like

for the first time in my life I had achieved something. Find him something that

challenges him in a way that makes him feel proud of what he accomplishes.

Second, the Army made me feel like I was a part of something bigger than

myself. It was like joining a fraternity, only the bonds I shared with my

brothers and sisters were deep enough to die for. Your son probably doesn't

need to be willing to die for something, but he should find something that he is

passionate about. Does your son have any issues or causes he has mentioned

caring about? Probe him to find out if he is interested in working with the

environment or animals or something? Maybe he thinks it would be cool to start

rock climbing or to join a band, but doesn't think he can. Ensure him he can,

and help him to do it. Every child has dreams, find his out. He may not even

know how much he wants to share them and wants them to be encouraged.

Maybe you are already doing all these things, it is impossible to tell what is

really wrong unless he opens up and discovers it for himself. I am willing to

bet that he doesn't even know. Perhaps family counseling will also help. Good

luck and I will be praying for you and your son.

Jessica

 

JuiceyJuice954 wrote:

I usually don't speak up but I am not sure what to do anymore and am

looking

for help any where I can get it. I've seen a lot of people get their

questions answered here so I thought I would try. (By the way I have personally

use some of the ideas and they worked great!!!)

 

My son just turned 12 years old in April. he weighs 210 pounds. I feel

that he has an eating disorder. He has been in counseling for a number of years

now. For the past two years he has been with this one counselor. I spoke

with her alone again about his eating non stop. and again she said that we

will start working on it. Every week he says the same thing to her. He's

doing fine, schools fine, he has friends at school, etc.... I had a meeting at

his school on Friday and his teachers told me that he sits alone at lunch and

he'll play with his class at recess but as soon as the other kids in his grade

go outside he stops playing. He will not raise his hand to answer any

questions in class unless he knows for a fact that he has the correct answer.

and

if he had any doubt he wont raise his hand. I don't know what to do

anymore. I'm afraid that if we don't get him some real help and he's not going

to

life a fulfilling life, not to mention that he is going to get so big that he

is going to have major medical problems as he gets older.

 

Sherry

 

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

 

 

[Guest guest]

IMO...he needs a complete physical. While there,

address the issues with his physician. Change

therapists to a more aggressive one, one that won't

let him get away with " I'm Ok, I'm fine stuff " ,but

also is very familiar with eating disorders.

 

If he is eating non-stop it can also a serious genetic

disorder that has recently come out in the open. Where

people eat non-stop and literally cannot stop eating.

Your physician should know more about this.

 

The questions that come to mind are:

1. How stressful/traumatic was his birthing

experience,his infancy and early childhood? Traumatic

births, infancy and early childhood can create an

insatiable need to eat for comfort.

 

2. Is he allowed to eat while watching TV or anywhere

other than the dining table? Children are programmed

subtly by the TV to eat,eat, eat! When they are at the

table and not allowed to eat anywhere else (NO TV at

the table either) they don't get that programming and

learn better eating habits.

 

3. Is he eating to sooth, comfort or generally feel

better? His therapist should be able to address this

one. Also look into how stressful he is...Biofeedback

is one of the best sources for stress reduction

available, or even Hypnosis can help. Some insurances

even will pay for it with a physician referral.

 

Jenny Kernan

Quantum Biofeedback Therapist

Quantum Touch Practitioner

 

 

--- JuiceyJuice954 wrote:

 

> I usually don't speak up but I am not sure what to

> do anymore and am looking

> for help any where I can get it. I've seen a lot of

> people get their

> questions answered here so I thought I would try.

> (By the way I have personally

> use some of the ideas and they worked great!!!)

>

> My son just turned 12 years old in April. he weighs

> 210 pounds. I feel

> that he has an eating disorder. He has been in

> counseling for a number of years

> now. For the past two years he has been with this

> one counselor. I spoke

> with her alone again about his eating non stop.

> and again she said that we

> will start working on it. Every week he says the

> same thing to her. He's

> doing fine, schools fine, he has friends at school,

> etc.... I had a meeting at

> his school on Friday and his teachers told me that

> he sits alone at lunch and

> he'll play with his class at recess but as soon as

> the other kids in his grade

> go outside he stops playing. He will not raise his

> hand to answer any

> questions in class unless he knows for a fact that

> he has the correct answer. and

> if he had any doubt he wont raise his hand. I

> don't know what to do

> anymore. I'm afraid that if we don't get him some

> real help and he's not going to

> life a fulfilling life, not to mention that he is

> going to get so big that he

> is going to have major medical problems as he gets

> older.

>

> Sherry

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's

> free at http://www.aol.com.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

[Guest guest]

, JuiceyJuice954 wrote:

>

> I usually don't speak up but I am not sure what to do anymore and

am looking

> for help any where I can get it. I've seen a lot of people get

their

> questions answered here so I thought I would try. (By the way I

have personally

> use some of the ideas and they worked great!!!)

>

> My son just turned 12 years old in April. he weighs 210 pounds.

I feel

> that he has an eating disorder. He has been in counseling for a

number of years

> now. For the past two years he has been with this one counselor.

I spoke

> with her alone again about his eating non stop. and again she

said that we

> will start working on it. Every week he says the same thing to

her. He's

> doing fine, schools fine, he has friends at school, etc.... I had

a meeting at

> his school on Friday and his teachers told me that he sits alone

at lunch and

> he'll play with his class at recess but as soon as the other kids

in his grade

> go outside he stops playing. He will not raise his hand to answer

any

> questions in class unless he knows for a fact that he has the

correct answer. and

> if he had any doubt he wont raise his hand. I don't know what to

do

> anymore. I'm afraid that if we don't get him some real help and

he's not going to

> life a fulfilling life, not to mention that he is going to get so

big that he

> is going to have major medical problems as he gets older.

>

> Sherry

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry,

 

As a former chubby unpopular child I feel for your son, and for you.

A bit about me, so you can see where my suggestions are coming from.

 

I was always socially awkward and I loved to eat. Still do:).

 

I had the good fortune to grow up in a different time and place.

Junk food was a rare treat, mother ruled access to food with an iron

fist, we had no TV yet, and we used our body to get from here to

there.

We lived across from the school till grade 5. After that there

was a 15-minute walk 4 times daily (home for lunch)and I slimmed down

considerably. Please note that this was not " exercise " .

It was just built into daily life. The lack of this is one of

the reasons for the obesity epidemic.

 

I often wonder what I would have been like, with the same temperament

and metabolism, as a North American child today. It is not a pretty

picture. A 300 pound TV and computer addict is about it.

 

So, what can we do for your poor kid? Let's use imagination,

intuition and memory as well as adult knowledge.

 

Any approach has to address body, mind and emotions.

You say he has been talking to the same counselor for a while.

What was the reason he started seeing a counselor in the first

place?

It doesn't sound like he is making any progress. For whatever

reason, he is not opening up.

 

We know he is proud. He tries to present a good picture.

He must be really tired of being seen as a problem.

Food is comfort, he is most likely using it as a drug.

We'll go into physical factors later.

 

You know, when you are an unpopular kid and your parents worry

about that, you end up with the extra burden of disappointing

your parents. I remember that so well. I didn't care that much

if I was alone but I was a mother-pleaser and her worrying

about it really bothered me.

 

Let's start by taking that burden away from him, at least.

That is something you can do, that doesn't depend on him.

 

Sherry, are you aware of Emotional Freedom Technique?

To begin with, you can use EFT to lower your own anxiety about

your child. That will shift the energy between you and remove

one source of anxiety for him.

The following link takes you directly to a helpful article

about why parents should tap on themselves to clear their own

energy first.

 

http://tinyurl.com/37eqll

 

I recommend you start learning EFT, and do that first.

The basics are available on the website, and there is a neat

easy to learn from PowerPoint View presentation in the group

files.

You may want to find a counselor who incorporates EFT

in his or her practice. Boys that age often respond better

to a man.

Eventually he should learn to use EFT for himself. It is deeply

empowering, and works on just about anything.

 

Now to get positive:

What does he LIKE to do that requires exercise? Socially awkward

kids get turned off from sports because they associate it with the

humiliation of phys-ed class and the awkwardness of team sports.

But he may well enjoy other ways of being active. Does he like

water?

It took me years to realize that I quite enjoy being

physically active, as long as I am in Nature and there is

no competition. I love hiking, swimming, canoeing, and the slow

gentleness of Yoga.

 

Now let's look at physiological reasons for over-eating.

Warning: commercial moments coming up. Some of the things

I recommend in this context are products that I use and sell,

so if that is against your principles you can stop reading now.

 

Strange though it may sound, one reason for over-eating is

malnourishment. Your body knows it has not yet received the

vitamins, minerals and other nutrients it needs, so it keeps

signaling for MORE. Lack of minerals and trace minerals may

create cravings for junk.

 

Supplements that contain full nutrition can really help here.

See links at bottom of this post for my favorites.

He may have a problem properly absorbing food. Food ends up

being stored as fat instead of being available for energy.

Digestive enzymes, both with and in between meals, can be a

great help there.

 

He may have blood sugar management problems.

Enzymes and whole-food supplementation help with that too,

but the very best thing I have found for this is a herbal

formula called Metabazon. I am incredibly impressed with

how well it curbs my appetite and removes hypoglycemic

episodes.

 

That's my 4 cents. (definitely more than 2, lol)

 

My favorite whole foods live here:

http://wildwholefoods.net

and here:

http://wildhealing.net

Email me privately if you have questions about either site.

 

Hope this helps, All my best!

 

Ien in the Kootenays

http://freegreenliving.com

[Guest guest]

Hi, why was the counseling started - if you don't mind saying. I'm

just wondering was he, for example, depressed or does he have some

disability that needs a therapist. It's just that answers can vary

depending on what all is involved here.

 

For instance, one of my sons is age 18; he has diagnoses of OCD and

Aspergers (on the autism spectrum). A therapist for the OCD would

work with my son with a different approach/therapy than one would if

he had some difficulty due to the Aspergers and needed an approach

from the Aspergers angle. (if that makes any sense) It just seems

like your current therapist isn't doing any good if she/he isn't

making any progress and hasn't yet gotten your son to open up after

all this time. You may need to shop around for another one.

 

Someone mentioned a physical - that's a good idea. Rule out anything

physical/medical that could be involved.

 

How does your son feel about his weight?

 

Chris in NC

 

 

, JuiceyJuice954 wrote:

>

> I usually don't speak up but I am not sure what to do anymore and

am looking

> for help any where I can get it. I've seen a lot of people get

their

> questions answered here so I thought I would try. (By the way I

have personally

> use some of the ideas and they worked great!!!)

>

> My son just turned 12 years old in April. he weighs 210 pounds.