OutOnTheNet.com:

March 9, 2007

Jancie LaFounaine <healinghandsjf1

Dear Janice thank you for your email. You may share this with your groups and

friends, I hope that it can enlighten and help others who are struggling with

life issues. Sincerely, DRL

Greetings. As a gay man now fastly nearing 50 years of age it hit me that we

are the demographic that has the ability to really make change. We are at the

point in our lives where we have lived through the tough years of coming out,

losing friends to AIDS and the natural aging process. This gives us a certain

amount of texture to our unique fabric of reality.

I have held many friends as they passed. I have old eyes that come from living

through a life that many now take for granted. If we, the middle-aged men and

women of the gay community say and do nothing to make life easier for those

coming out behind us, then we share in the blame and guilt that the conservative

right has tried to push down society’s throat, by making us disposable closeted

members of society.

Why are gay women are all so acceptable and not gay men? Straight men

fanaticize about being with two or more gay women, and lesbian porn is all too

common an aphrodisiac for men who have the urge to correct the mistake of

nature, or passively smile and think that ‘girls will be girls’. But there is

reason they are gay women and that is because they do not like men, so really

think what that type of sexual experience this would be like and how odd it

seems. Not too well thought out one could argue. But all those confused girls

need is a good man to turn them around. So we have adopted a safety net for gay

women and that is as a society we over look what women do because they don’t

have penises – in some senses size still does matter because it relates to

aspects of power and empowerment. Any gay man knows that especially in the gym

or in the men’s room there are rules. We don’t have eye to eye contact, we look

straight ahead and if we do joke around it is in an

aggressively dismissive manner. We now have Ellen and even Rosie to thank for

paving the road for girls to be girls and for reminding us all how male

dominated the world still is.

More and more as gay men we are making inroads to self-acceptance. But how

many of us who have worked in the public eye keep up the illusion of being

straight with our favorite female friend on our arm, or have allowed the crude

gay male jokes at the effeminate guy in the office, at college, or in work to

pass by without putting a stop to it in fear of our own outing. Many of us have.

And once we were outted, or came out how many of lost our family, or friends or

even careers because of being gay men. Those of us in this middle-age group grew

up in a time when we had to hide. We are the people that were making our

collective power base, that so many take for granted today and there were no

rules. There was no one to help us as there is now. That is why we of this age

are of vital importance to those who are coming out behind us. We have thicker

skin, because we have survived the tests of time.

For me, there was no rule book; no teachers who said do it this way or that

way. There were no role models of what I wanted to be like, a normal gay man who

just fit in his skin and went on with life without affectations. So I learned

the hard way, and with therapy and a good lawyer, neither of which one wants to

go through life without, and I learned to fit in my skin.

I have survived a Near Death Experience from a multi-fractured skull which

left me in coma, a cancer scare, death of family members and the death of

friends, being outted, being stalked, the loss of houses and losing a career

because of bad press and rebuilding it. If I did not have some regrets I don’t

think I would have learned a ding dong thing about life and the enjoyment of

life.

During one of my seminars a man came with hidden recording equipment to debunk

me. Later he showed these tapes to his college classes. One of the students was

the child of someone who attended, who was married to a lawyer who was friends

with the local District Attorney. Needless to say the D.A. through the state

pressed charges against this man and we all ended up in court. Every aspect of

my life was looked at by the defense team. Talk about an unpleasant experience.

That was coming out the hard way. Anyway, times passed, the professor plead out

and did a special court ordered program and that was it. But it took its toll.

Then I learned to deal with being stalked. When you put yourself out there you

open yourself up to everyone and everything. It seems that a fellow decided he

was going to shoot me and was coming up to the front door of the house with a

gun in his hand as the police pulled in. Someone had called the police and told

them that he had threatened to kill me, so the police came by and thankfully

stopped him before any harm was done. This is why we now have alarm systems and

monitoring systems on our houses. There are many more incidences of this type of

strange behavior that come with working in the public eye, even if it is in a

small area of it. I have learned, as time passes all wounds heal, their pain

does not go away; it just dulls and passes into some easier assemblance of

understandings.

Now I am flattered that there are forums for my writings and work. There are

even discussion groups which I heard about from time to time. It is good to know

that as a gay man somehow in some small way my life experience has made a

difference, even if it is in the smallest way. That is why each of us should be

proud of who we are and our own unique story of survival.

Not too long ago I had a chance to speak with Eartha Kitt a true living legend

and living piece of American History. Why American History? Besides having known

Orson Wells who describe her as being the most exciting woman in the world – at

a time when interracial relationships were unheard of she survived the McCarthy

Era and was punished by being denounced and blacklisted when she simply answered

a question about the war. Effectively her career was ended by simply speaking

her heart about the war during a White House Luncheon. I so admire this woman of

valor and courage. When I was going through my career issues I often used her as

my role-model for survival. Once you have made such an error in political

judgment you soon learn fast the boundaries that keep one in their place. To

survive longer than those that would harm you, judge you and make you into a

disposable person is indeed act of tenuous balance and judgment. We need

people, every day people, and those with

public personas to make themselves accessible to those of us who can learn from

them.

This is why that as middle-age members of the gay world and collective world

we should reach out and let others know that survival with dignity and respect

is possible. We are all connected to each other through the society we live in

and how well we include all members of that society will speak to the health of

our world and our every day life.

My website is http://www.davidreidlowell.com and

http://www.davidreidlowell.org both sites are free there is no charge. I have

chosen to live a quiet life and if my writings and life can be beneficial to

anyone I take pride in that. I hope that each of us share a part of ourselves

with an open mind and heart so we can remain accessible to others who need a

light of hope and encouragement.

David Reid Lowell, March 9, 2007

Jancie LaFounaine <healinghandsjf1 wrote: Perhaps you whould

consider sharing your story with this group. I think during times like this we

all need good role models. I have gotten this email via someone I know, who knew

someone you know - so if this you... perhaps you could write in. Think about the

other younger gays, the men and women, who could learn from your work, your

struggles and you life.

Janice

Note: forwarded message attached.

Food fight? Enjoy some healthy debate

in the Answers Food & Drink Q & A.outonthenetdotcom

" glennsb28 " <outonthenet

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:24:52 -0000

[outonthenetdotcom] OutOnTheNet.com: Get Published on OutOnTheNet.com

Hi, everyone.

I just wanted to let you know that we're now accepting

news articles and press releases for publication

on OutOnTheNet.com.

When you submit an article, you can include a three-line

bio at the end of your article. The bio can describe your

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Here are our writing guidelines:

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March 10, 2007

I am a straight australian female-(51) I read your piece and felt your pain, i

now live isolated in the country tho I use to live in the city ad had many gay

friends there. Might i add i found them to be far more interesting,

understanding , helpfull and loyal that most average straights-at the end of

the road we are only the sum of the truths that live in our hearts and the sum

of our deeds, nothing makes us better than the next and all those that assume

they have the ONLY right answer and have the right to inflict pain and ill- will

upon others shall have to answer to a higher power than we can understand on

this level ( whether one believes in god or the presence of higher beings or

kharma) we shall have to answer for our ego and actions-may you be loved and

honoured for your courage to be yourself and to love those that some would

disreguard for a mere difference of opinion and lifestyle. Be blessed that you

should be the one that has suffered so as you have

grown and your eyes have been opened and you have developed into a finer

person--i would be honoured to know you, don't dispair for other' narrow

mindedness, those that gather around you, you will be sure of their true

friendship , where others will never really know the security of such a truth as

they are blinded and judging, what they know is little, as it creates a false

illussion in themselves that they are rightous and better than those around them

, at the end of the road on this existence, we hopefully realise that we are

here to learn and to learn to live in harmony. There are far too many wars on

this tiny planet , such things going on because a group feels they are better

than others or have the right to take someones life that has done no harm to

anyone. It is a sad world we live in but it is made brighter and more worthy by

souls like you .thankyou for your writtings.....Cheryl Hugs and

kisses xx

Jancie LaFounaine <healinghandsjf1 wrote:

Jancie LaFounaine <healinghandsjf1

Dear Janice thank you for your email. You may share this with your groups and

friends, I hope that it can enlighten and help others who are struggling with

life issues. Sincerely, DRL

Greetings. As a gay man now fastly nearing 50 years of age it hit me that we are

the demographic that has the ability to really make change. We are at the point

in our lives where we have lived through the tough years of coming out, losing

friends to AIDS and the natural aging process. This gives us a certain amount of

texture to our unique fabric of reality.

I have held many friends as they passed. I have old eyes that come from living

through a life that many now take for granted. If we, the middle-aged men and

women of the gay community say and do nothing to make life easier for those

coming out behind us, then we share in the blame and guilt that the conservative

right has tried to push down society’s throat, by making us disposable closeted

members of society.

Why are gay women are all so acceptable and not gay men? Straight men fanaticize

about being with two or more gay women, and lesbian porn is all too common an

aphrodisiac for men who have the urge to correct the mistake of nature, or

passively smile and think that ‘girls will be girls’. But there is reason they

are gay women and that is because they do not like men, so really think what

that type of sexual experience this would be like and how odd it seems. Not too

well thought out one could argue. But all those confused girls need is a good

man to turn them around. So we have adopted a safety net for gay women and that

is as a society we over look what women do because they don’t have penises – in

some senses size still does matter because it relates to aspects of power and

empowerment. Any gay man knows that especially in the gym or in the men’s room

there are rules. We don’t have eye to eye contact, we look straight ahead and if

we do joke around it is in an

aggressively dismissive manner. We now have Ellen and even Rosie to thank for

paving the road for girls to be girls and for reminding us all how male

dominated the world still is.

More and more as gay men we are making inroads to self-acceptance. But how many

of us who have worked in the public eye keep up the illusion of being straight

with our favorite female friend on our arm, or have allowed the crude gay male

jokes at the effeminate guy in the office, at college, or in work to pass by

without putting a stop to it in fear of our own outing. Many of us have. And

once we were outted, or came out how many of lost our family, or friends or even

careers because of being gay men. Those of us in this middle-age group grew up

in a time when we had to hide. We are the people that were making our collective

power base, that so many take for granted today and there were no rules. There

was no one to help us as there is now. That is why we of this age are of vital

importance to those who are coming out behind us. We have thicker skin, because

we have survived the tests of time.

For me, there was no rule book; no teachers who said do it this way or that way.

There were no role models of what I wanted to be like, a normal gay man who just

fit in his skin and went on with life without affectations. So I learned the

hard way, and with therapy and a good lawyer, neither of which one wants to go

through life without, and I learned to fit in my skin.

I have survived a Near Death Experience from a multi-fractured skull which left

me in coma, a cancer scare, death of family members and the death of friends,

being outted, being stalked, the loss of houses and losing a career because of

bad press and rebuilding it. If I did not have some regrets I don’t think I

would have learned a ding dong thing about life and the enjoyment of life.