OT: New Medical Illness

[Guest guest]

LOVE HAS REACHED EPIDEMIC PROPORTION

Forwarded by Dr. Leo Rebello. (Satire)

 

Doctors from the University of Allopath have announced that Love is a

disease. It is characterized by abnormal heart rhythms, sweating, impaired

brain function, incoherent speech patterns and loss of sleep, among other

signs. Thanks to this pioneering work from researchers sponsored by the

leading drug firm Pferck, researchers have learned that love is a common

biochemical disorder affecting both men and women of all ages.

 

Fortunately, it is treatable with prescription drugs. A new drug,

Miserexa, combines beta blockers and antidepressants to alleviate the

symptoms of Love. This drug slows the heart and helps patients feel

detached from reality, counteracting the unhealthy neediness of Love.

 

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the new drug this week.

In a press conference, chief FDA drug approval scientist Dr. B. Fuddle

said, " We are declaring war on Love, and doing everything in our power to

eradicate Lov from the world. "

 

The market for Miserexa is expected to reach six billion dollars

annually. " Love has reached epidemic proportions " , explained a public

relations representative of Pferk. " If we do not act immediately to thwart

the spread of this disease, Love will run rampant, and we will be facing

an epidemic of Love in the world. "

 

Health researchers first became aware of the disease after being

alerted to symptoms of Love by the psychiatry community, which has been

instrumental in the detection and aggressive treatment of this dangerous

condition with brain-altering drugs. " We were seeing it in an alarming

number of patients " , explained one psychiatrist, " and it was causing

untold suffering in their lives. Fortunately, the condition can now be

chemically corrected. "

 

Further study revealed that Love is highly contagious. It can

apparently spread from one person to another, although the mechanism of

transmission is currently unknown. Love also spreads easily from mother to

child, especially in newborns. Interestingly, Love has no effect on

landlords and corporate CEOs, who seem to possess some unknown immunity to

the disease.

 

Given the expanding threat of this disease, doctors stress it is

important that all adults get screened for Love as soon as possible.

Hospitals and clinics are now setting up Love screening programsion-wide

basis. "

 

If Love is not detected and treated in its early stages, it can advance

to the point where the only solution is surgery.

In such severe cases of Love, skilled surgeons perform a cardiectomy (a

surgical removal of the heart). The procedure is risky, and many patients

have died on the operating table, but many more have been successfully

saved from the ravages of Love by the skillful blade of a compassionate

surgeon.

 

The American Misery Association (AMA), whose mission is to find the

cure for Love, is working hard to help educate the general public to watch

for early signs of Love. People are urged to conduct a Love

self-examination in the privacy of their own homes, and to watch out for

the classic symptoms of Love: racing pulse, sweaty palms, inability to

speak in coherent sentences, or confusion around certain attractive

individuals. People are also taught how to avoid giving Love to others -

an important step in halting the spread of this disease.

 

If you suspect that you or someone you know might be suffering from

Love, don't wait. Treatment is available. Don't let Loved ones suffer any

longer.

 

This press release is brought to you by Pferck, where today's rip-off

drug prices fund tmorrow's profit miracles.

http://www.newstarget.com/010825.html